Every new quarter (much better than a semester format) at Furman University, I felt a pit in my stomach. I would look at all the work listed on my class syllabuses, and feel overwhelmed.
This was the life of a chemistry major (it was kinda' tough) at a liberal arts college (that part was really tough).
Especially my last couple of years, when I had my hardest classes, I realized that I couldn't do it. I knew that I could not make the grades I wanted, while also playing football, all by myself.
It was a time to pray and trust God. And that's what I did. As soon as I saw my syllabus, I would pray for God to help me through the term.
And then was a time to buckle down and get to work.
My New Job
I'm in a similar situation now. Yes, I'm back at Furman, but not as a student. I now work for the university, in a part-time job at the Shi Center for Sustainability. I am the Program Coordinator for the Community Conservation Corps.
The short description is that I help low-income families get free assistancewith weatherization for their homes. The shorter description is that I'm a project manager, a set of responsibilities that's completely new to me.
And that's why I'm praying. I have had a lot to learn, in my two weeks of overlap with the previous coordinator (whose last day is today). So that leaves me, and a student worker (who will be done in a few weeks), and my boss (who is on maternity leave).
So that leaves me. And God. (And, of course, a great team of folks at Furman who will do everything they can to help me succeed in this role.)
I'm thankful to be in this role. And I see how my skills and experiences (especially community connections) will add value to this program.
But I almost turned this job down.
The Job Before Me
I applied for the job last month, and was invited for an interview. I was pretty surprised when I received a call a few days later offering me the position. During the interview, I didn't think they were impressed by what I could offer, for what the job needed.
But they made an offer, and I asked for the weekend to talk with my wife and think about it. And I very nearly said "no." I reasoned that . . .
Project management wasn't what I wanted to do. I thought God was drawing me to work with kids and youth.
The 20-hour work week would limit my time with my job with Elevate Youth, and other youth-related opportunities that would come up.
The job didn't pay as much as I thought it would.
But by Monday, I knew I needed to take it, and I'm glad I did. And that weekend's sermon from Grace Church was a key part in my decision (Coincidental timing? I think not.)
This was the job He put before me. He might use it to open new opportunities down the road (and of course, He may not).
I need to trust God enough to work diligently.
I need to be willing to work in a job that I don't necessarily enjoy.
I need to look for ways to meet the needs of those around me. And this job is such an opportunity to do that.
Above all that, God has created a world where faith is required (Hebrews 11:6). This job at Furman, like my years of schooling at Furman, is a way for God to drive me to trust in Him.
In September, I will be starting another new job. I will be teaching a 6th grade math class at Upstate Homeschool Co-Op, where our kids have attended. It's a new class for this co-op, and I'll teach two days per week, for an hour each day, for 24 weeks.
I've got some work to do, if I want to make this class engaging and helpful for 6th graders.
Again, I'll be depending on God for His grace and help.
More Great Teaching
I've also been learning a lot about work through some other great teaching from Grace Church. A group of eight of us guys are meeting weekly to discuss the material called A Man and His Work. Like the above-mentioned sermon on manna, these teachings come at just the right time.
Here are some of my take-aways:
God is a worker, and in my work I reflect His image.
I need to make money to provide for my family (as I wrote here).
Skillful and excellent work glorifies God.
I should provide something or some service that makes the world better.
Work shapes character.
I need to take Jesus to work, especially by praying through the day.
I look forward to growing in my new jobs (and my "old" one), and for seeing how God works through them, and in me.
The biggest challenge and the most rewarding adventure I've ever had is being a Dad. I'm thankful for my three healthy, creative, goofy, and forgiving kids, and for my wife who helps me be a better father to them.
"You don’t lead because you are worthy, but because you are
called. And, my friend, you have been called— commanded and called by
God himself.
If you are a husband, you have been called. If you are a
father, you have been called. You have been called to lead—you and no
one else. You have been called to lead despite your sin and your
failure, despite your fear and apathy.
There is no backup plan, there is
no one to lead in your absence, no one better suited, no one
better qualified."
Two questions have been dominating my mind over the past few months:
How do I love God more?
How do I love others more?
I have been thinking and communicating about these two goals for 2015. I already wrote about how I'm working to know and love God more.I started with that because my love of others must flow out of my love of God.
"Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other." (I John 4:11)
While this seems simple enough, I really struggle with it. Being a task-oriented person, I am constantly striving to get stuff done. And who do I fail to love more than any other group of people? My family.
I take my family for granted. I am selfish and lazy. I am unkind and impatient.
Do you ever feel the same way? Maybe not. If you love your family well, you won't need to read my latest articles on the Family Matters blog.
But if you struggle to show love to those closest to you, you may want to click over and read. I had a lot to confess and say -- so much so, that it had to be split up.
Click over to read Part 1 and Part 2. I'd love it if you did.
I'm easing my way back into blogging, after a nice blogging break. To get myself (and you) ramped back up, here's a quick recap of the past year of blogging. Did you miss any of these posts?
Here are my top 5 posts from this blog in 2014:
#5. Roe v Wade: Do Your Really Believe What You Say You Believe? Years ago, a man in our church shocked me when he said, "Most people who say they are pro-life really aren't. They are just anti-abortion." I was challenged by his assertion, and I hope you are, too.
#1. Teaching Preschoolers About the Crucifixion?Another archived post (from 2011), I think this one (along with the above post) gets a lot of interest because evangelical parents are looking for ideas to communicate theological issues to their young children.
Another Blog
And though my Mission: Allendale blog has been static since August, I still get some traffic there, as I close in on a not-too-shabby 50,000 page views there. On that note, here are the 5 most popular posts on that blog over the past year:
#3. Does Poverty Affect Life Expectancy?A post from 2013, it still brings up an important truth: “Living in a high-poverty area often means a lifetime of struggle with
underperforming public schools, limited job opportunities, higher crime
rates, and poor nutrition, health care and housing — all of which can
add up to a shorter, sicker retirement.”
#2. The Big Announcement. Our family spent months wrestling over the next step that God had for us. And apparently, other people wanted to know, too; when I published this, it was the highest ever single-day traffic on this blog. (In January, I tried to answer the FAQ: Where Are You Going Next?)
Dads -- Do you have father-son talks with you boys? Do you pass on bits of wisdom through a few extended conversations, or do these nuggets of truth come through more regular but smaller talks?
If you are like me, you do both. You have some main topics (such as about salvation, sexuality, education, and leadership) that you cover in detail. But you still sprinkle in brief insights and guide points along the way.
And if you're like me, you are never really sure how much of it sinks in. But that's not the point. Our job is to keep leading our families, to keep training our children, and to keep passing on wisdom.
My Son
Tomorrow, my son Elijah has a birthday. We have had lots of conversations over the past 11 years. I've made my share of mistakes, and have said and done some damaging things. But I know that God has given me much wisdom to pass on to him.
I'm thankful for the resources I've had, so that I can be a good father to Elijah. I've had access to books, parenting classes, friends, mentors, and (most importantly) God the Holy Spirit. But all the resources don't make a difference until I put them into action. And I'm always looking for more parenting ideas and help.
I enjoyed this article from Nick Batzig, Father-to-Son Talks. He explains that the book of Proverbs gives at least 10 father-to-son talks, which can provide a framework for all of us parents:
1:8-19 --> Be teachable; resist temptation
2:1-22 --> Seek God's wisdom, and avoid evil
3:1-12 --> Trust God (godly counselors, with wealth, in His discipline)
4:10-27 --> Pursue righteousness and truth
5:1-23 --> Avoid sexual immorality
6:1-35 --> Work hard; avoid sexual immorality
7:1-27 --> Avoid sexual immorality
23:19-35 --> Avoid drunkenness
24:13-22 --> Seek wisdom; avoid wicked rebels
27:11-27 --> Be careful who you associate with
(Of course, breaking down the book into 10 talks may not be biblically-accurate, especially since the chapter breaks are a later addition. But this is a good place to start.)
I've never specifically taught my kids these passages, but it looks like something worthwhile!
Some of My Own Words
Here are some things I've talked to Elijah about, over the past year. I hope a fraction of these have sunk in, or at least shaped him in a small way:
As a man, we are called to make things better. Anytime we walk into a room, we should be thinking how we can make it better for others.
When you elevate yourself and your skills above others, you are elevating yourself above God, who created everyone in His image.
Manhood is when you produce more than you consume. You are called to be a provider. (HT: Art of Manliness)
Like you, I have doubts sometimes. But we can't get stuck just thinking about them. We have to take action in faith, and then let God verify Himself.
When you ignore or reject authority over you, you are rejecting God, who gives all authority. When it comes to your leaders, you are not equal in roles.
When you make the world and your community better, you reflect the image of God, as He is working to restore this broken world.
One day, you may have to fight. But don't fight for yourself. Be ready to step in between an aggressor and someone who needs protecting. You may get hurt shielding that person, but God will reward you, and so will I!
God has wired you up to do something. There will always be things you have to do which you don't enjoy. But there will be some things that you know that God made you for. As much as you can, move towards those things.
(You may be wondering how I remember saying these things to him. I keep a journal for each of my kids. I write in each one a couple of times per month, about what is going on in their lives.)
The Blessing of Teaching My Son
More than anything, I'm glad that I get to be my son's primary discipler. (Of course, my wife is involved heavily, too, but in this case I feel the burden lies on me.) I am glad that God has entrusted me to disciple my son, and to "train him up in the way that he should go" (Proverbs 22:6).
It is a blessing to teach my son.
Happy Birthday, Elijah!!
"A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish son is a sorrow to his mother."
Proverbs 10:1
Of course, there is still a day left in the month. Will there be any crazy good tweets today that need to be added to this list?
Who cares. I'm still digesting food.
From Others:
@itsmikeberry: Becoming a Christ-follower is not about cleaning yourself up, it's about giving yourself wholly to the God who can. #surrender#grace
@davidpmurray:"We all want to be happy. The problem is what often makes us happy are the instruments of our destruction." http://buff.ly/1yQjuHA @EndPoverty: “Vote for principle, though you may vote alone, & you may cherish
the sweetest reflection that your vote is never lost.”- John Quincy
Adams
@PaulMMCooper: "However beautiful the strategy, you should occasionally look at the results." - Winston Churchill
#amwriting#NaNoWriMo
@LeeBezotte: "He who runs from God in the morning will scarcely find Him the rest of the day." - John Bunyan
@AllProDad:"Being a great father is like shaving. No matter how good you shaved today, you have to do it again tomorrow." - Reed Markham
@MZHemingway:So SNL did it’s first mildly critical skit of Obama ever and it got
"fact checked" by mainstream media? That’s *perfect*. PERFECT. Love it.
I hope you get a monster amount of candy for Halloween. Or just because it's Friday. Whatever reason you need.
Here's another treat for you -- some of my favorite tweets that you may have missed this past month.
From Others:
@FallonTonight: A Russian group nominated Putin for a Nobel Peace Prize. "I'm all about
peace," Putin said. "Piece of Ukraine, piece of Poland…" #fallonmono
@Jonnie_W:Just met @DrGaryChapman in an elevator, and I got flustered. Hope he knows my Love Language® is sweaty palms.
@BurkParsons: In his sermon on the mount Jesus demanded perfect righteous of us, in his death on the mount he fulfilled it for us.
@JoeWaters_GVL: "Childhood poverty gets biologically embedded." - Dr Gorski
@JamieTheVWM:Maybe we should stop saying "Jesus loves you." and start saying "I love you. Jesus taught me how."
Harvard-bound? Not on his own, or even with only my help.
A list of resources for you. I think you'll find at least one or two to be interesting and helpful.
Earth-Bound Parenting (Paul Tripp). "In fact, if left to your own willpower and “righteousness”, you would choose earth-bound parenting 10 times out of 10. But don’t be discouraged by that statistic; the God who is speaking
these words in Matthew 6 is speaking them with two feet on the ground.
He left Heaven and came to earth to die for selfish, impatient and
idolatrous parents like you and me."
It Takes a Village to Raise Kids(Jamie Ivey). Yes, fatherless children need mentors to be involved in their lives. But my children (and all children) need the same. "The more people in our kids’ lives that they trust and that are telling them the same truths we are, the better."
Using Guilt to Lead Kids to God (Jayson Bradley). Guilt may get short-term results, but it doesn't mean it should be a tool for long-term discipleship.
#HowToDad (General Mills). Yes, they are trying to sell you their product. But I still like this because of the positive message it portrays.
Don't Just Talk the Talk (Casey Lewis). The author explains what it looks like to shepherd your family, and adds this exhortation: "Being a believer means we live according to God’s will; it means we walk
the walk. So it doesn’t matter what you say. What matters is what you
do."
Cultivating Wonder in Our Children (Hannah Anderson). "We tend to believe discipleship happens through the accumulation of
religious knowledge. A quick Google search for “children’s discipleship”
brings back resource after resource — everything from catechisms to Bible
memory systems to pint-sized devotional books – all promising to produce
faith in the next generation of believers. What I rarely hear discussed
is the necessity of discipling our children through “natural
revelation.”"
“Men wanted for hazardous journey. Small wages. Bitter cold. Long months of complete darkness. Constant danger. Safe return doubtful. Honour and recognition in case of success.”
Thus read, according to legend, Ernest Shackleton's recruiting pitch when he was looking for men to join and expedition to transverse Antarctica.
Whether or not this story is true, I believe that men want an adventure. They are designed and called to pursue, provide, and protect (as I wrote in Men Must Pursue).
Or as he framed it in his book Wild at Heart, John Eldredge says that men innately have the desires for:
A battle to fight
An adventure to live
A beauty to rescue
An older book which I had on my shelf for years, I had heard some negative comments about this book. But even though I disagreed with some of Eldredge’s ideas, Wild at Heart challenged my thinking and my actions about manhood.
First Impressions
My initial hesitations about this book began even before I read it, based on feedback I received from friends. And from the first few pages (and throughout), I was turned off by how Eldredge stretches (or even twists) Biblical truths.
Here are a few examples:
Men should love the wilderness because Adam was created in the wilderness (pp. 3-4). I’m not sure Genesis 1-2 supports this.
Turning the other cheek can’t be done if you don’t fight back (pp. 78-79). I’m not opposed to fighting to defend oneself or others. But Eldredge uses human reasoning (and not great logic, at that), instead of biblical exegesis, to support this idea.
God was disappointed with Bathsheba (p. 190). Eldredge bases this merely on the fact that her name isn’t listed in Matthew 1.
So, I wouldn’t take Eldredge’s words as “the bible,” because 1) it’s not, and 2) he misuses the Bible. Nonetheless, found this book incredibly helpful for me in my growth as a man – as a husband, father, friend, and minister.
Spurred On
“Let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds.” Hebrews 10:24
The word stimulate in this verse can also be translated provoke or irritate . Basically, we are called to spur each other on to great things, much as a cowboy used his spurs to make his horse run faster. Wild at Heart was definitely a spur in my side.
As I read this book, I had to get past how much it caused me to bristle. As Eldredge talks about his adventures in the wilderness, I wanted to shout out, “But I hate camping! I hateroughing it. Does this make me less of a man? Is manhood measured by fishing and hunting and the number of nights spent in a sleeping bag?”
Of course, not. And it is only later in the book that Eldredge is clear about this. At the least, I am glad that I had these provoking ideas. My passive and fearful nature wanted to get defensive. But I had to calm down, and ask myself a lot of questions. I realized that I don’t get to define manhood, any more than Eldredge does.
Only God gets to define manhood. My identity must rest in Him alone.
The Gospel and Manhood
The turning point for my connection with this book came in chapter 6, “The Father’s Voice.” Here, Eldredge points the reader to the big picture of God’s story. God created the world, and He is actively redeeming and sustaining it. And as we live our lives, He is working to crush our false sense of self. We cannot achieve the fullness of manhood unless we accept and trust in our identity in Him.
“The history of man’s relationship with God is the story of how God calls him out, takes him on a journey and gives him his true name.” (p. 103)
Any encouragement I received in chapter 6 vanished in chapter 7, “Healing the Wound.” Don’t get me wrong – I thought this chapter was solid theologically. But really, who likes thinking about their past wounds and hurts?
I realize that I have wounds that I have not fully dealt with. They still hold me back and hurt me. I realize that I am often full of emptiness, and the fear of failure, and the shame of past failure. I still struggle with admitting that I am weak and needy, such as when I nearly drowned when I was on a mission trip, because I was too ashamed to ask for help. (And afterwards, I felt ashamed for needing help, and then ashamed for being ashamed. Grrrrr.)
The Conclusion
Maybe wilderness-averse guys like me need to be a little more wild at heart . And maybe some naturally-wild guys need to take the advice of Jeremy Whitebol (in Wisdom in Manhood) and “be quiet, grow up, listen up, and get to work.”
No matter how much (or how little) I agree with Eldredge about his ideas about biblical manhood, I am glad I read this book. By bristling against my own notions, and by digging into some unhealed wounds, Wild at Heart has done the greatest thing I could have asked for. . . .
This book has helped me realize how much I need Jesus and the Holy Spirit to change me, so that I can be the complete man – and husband, father, friend, and minister – that God has called me to be.
Whereas my daughter is naturally optimistic, my older son and I are definite pessimists. While our analytical natures help protect us from jumping in too quickly, our lack of faith in ourselves, others, and (most importantly) God also tends to hurt our relationships.
I wrote about our personal struggle, and how we are trying to trust God with it, on my latest guest post for Family Matters, The Struggle of Pessimism.
Not only are we (men) called to pursue, but we must help our sons do the same. The innate, core sin of all males is passivity. We naturally shy away from taking responsibility and action.
Want to read some examples of how I'm helping my son learn to pursue? Check out my guest post, How My Son Is Learning to Pursue.
Not only that, you'll learn how the gospel is connected to our call to pursue.
PS -- Thanks again to Family Matters for allowing me to guest post!
What is a man?
This question may be answered in a thousand different ways, depending on how your perspective. But here are two great definitions of manhood (both of which I got in some form from Grace Church):
A real man is one who:
Rejects passivity
Accepts responsibility
Leads courageously
Expects God's reward
Alternatively . . . the calling of a man is to pursue, provide, and protect. (The Art of Manliness blog substitutes procreate for pursue, but I prefer the latter.)
Men are called to pursue, not just in marriage, but in all areas of their life. Want to learn more? Check out the guest post I had on Family Matters, called Men Must Pursue. And I'd love for you to share your thoughts by leaving a comment on the Family Matters blog.
PS -- Thanks to Family Matters for allowing me to guest post!
We are wrapping up our season of living in Allendale. We are thankful for so many great memories. And, apparently, some folks are thankful for us.
Here are some of my top Tweets from the past month. You can connect with me at @EspinosaJoey.
By the way . . . beginning next week, I will have a slightly different schedule for blog posts. It won't change this blog much, as I will now be posting on Tuesdays and Fridays (instead of Tuesdays and Thursdays). I will occasionally post on Wednesday or Saturday.
The biggest change will be on my Mission: Allendale blog, which will now have only two posts per week -- Mondays and Thursdays. And, since we will be moving next month, I plan to phase that blog out entirely before too long.
If you don't have any questions about that (you can leave a comment or contact me), on with the tweets!
From Others:
@artofmanliness: Man is more himself, man is more manlike, when joy is fundamental thing in him, & grief superficial.
G.K. Chesterton
@thescottbleckler:after reading the State paper's "Candidates at a glance," it's obvious that about half of them are clueless politicians.
Surprisingly (to me), I've read a number of fiction books over the past six months. Most of these were inspired by the Art of Manliness Book Clubs, including A Christmas Carol, Frankenstein, and Cannery Row. That's the same number of fiction books as I would normally read over three years. While I still prefer non-fiction, these books (plus others like The In-Between, by Jeff Goins) have helped me appreciate stories, just for the sake of enjoyment. Here is an excerpt from "Cannery Row" (by John Steinbeck). Since I was a teenager, I have enjoyed Steinbeck's writings, but have never read this book. In this scene, we find an interaction of two boys, who appear nowhere else in the book. As people all over Cannery Row (in Monterrey, California) are preparing a party for Doc, Joey and Willard have a conversation outside of his home and lab. Enjoy! (That is, IF you are able to enjoy the dark, sad stories of Steinbeck).
Cannery Row: Chapter 26
Joey said, "You know, this guy in here got babies in bottles."
"What kind of babies?" Willard asked.
"Regular babies, only before they're borned."
"I don't believe it," said, Willard.
"Well, it's true. The Sprague kid seen them and he says they ain't no bigger than this and they got little hands an feet and eyes."
"And hair?" Willard demanded.
"Well, the Sprague kid didn't say about hair."
"You should of asked him. I think he's a liar."
"You better not let him hear you say that," said Joey.
"Well, you can tell him I said it. I ain't afraid of him and I ain't afraid of you. I ain't afraid of anybody. You want to make something of it?" Joey didn't answer. "Well, do you?"
"No," said Joey. "I was thinkin', why don't we just go up and ask the guy if he's got babies in bottles? Maybe he'd show them to us, that is if he's got any."
"He ain't here," said Willard. "When he's here, his car's here. He's away some place. I think it's a lie. I think the Sprague kid is a liar. I think you're a liar. You want to make something of that?"
It was a lazy day. Willard was going to have to work hard and get up any excitement. "I think you're a coward, too. You want to make something of that?" Joey didn't answer. Willard changed his tactics. "Where's your old man now?" he asked in a conversational tone.
"He's dead," said Joey.
"Oh yeah? I didn't hear. What'd he die of?"
For a moment Joey was silent. He knew Willard knew but he couldn't let on he knew, not without fighting Willard, and Joey was afraid of Willard.
"He committed -- he killed himself."
"Yeah?" Willard put on a long face. "How'd he do it?"
"He took rat poison."
Willard's voice shrieked with laughter. "What'd he think -- he was a rat?"
Joey chuckled a little at the joke, just enough, that is.
"He must of thought he was a rat," Willard cried. "Did he go crawling around like this -- look, Joey -- like this? Did he wrinkle up his nose like this? Did he have a big old long tail?" Willard was helpless with laughter. "Why'n't he just get a rat trap and put his head in it?" They laughed themselves out on that one, Willard really wore it out. Then he probed for another joke. "What'd he look like when he took it -- like this?" He crossed his eyes and opened his mouth and stuck out his tongue.
"He was sick all day," said Joey. "He didn't die 'til the middle of the night. It hurt him."
Willard said, "What'd he do it for?"
"He couldn't get a job," said Joey. "Nearly a year he couldn't get a job. And you know a funny thing? The next morning a guy come around to give him a job."
Willard tried to recapture his joke. "I guess he just figured he was a rat," he said, but it fell through even for Willard.
Joey stood up and put his hands in his pockets. He saw a coppery shine in the gutter and walked toward it but just as he reached it Willard shoved him aside and picked up the penny.
"I saw it first," Joey cried. "It's mine."
"You want to try and make something of it?" said Willard. "Why'n't you go take some rat poison?"
These are three of the guys that I was blessed to coach on the Allendale-Fairfax Tigers football team. As you can see, they received numerous awards at the athletic banquet.
A couple of days after this picture was taken, Quendrell (left) won the state in the 110m hurdles, You'shi (middle) got second place in the state in the 800m, and Brandon (right) won the state in the triple jump.
They also excel in the classroom and were great all-around leaders. As my family's own season (of living in Allendale) comes to a close, I reflect with fondness at the great things we were able to be a part of here.
I love to look back on great moments. Here a some inspiring ideas from the past month:
From Others:
@JimThompson777: There are two slopes on either side of pure obedience, wrong motive w/
right action and right motive w/ wrong action. I'm scared of both.
@DOMoore04: God is using students to build his church. Awesome to watch.
@PaulTripp: If you convince yourself that you're independently wise you'll devalue
the stunning wisdom that spills across the pages of Scripture.
@LifeLimits: It's great to be happy, but it's even better to bring happiness to others.
@JonAcuff: Trying to have it all is the best way to ensure you won't enjoy any of it. @AllProDad: "A good father is one of the most unsung, unpraised, unnoticed, and yet
one of the most valuable assets in our society." - Billy Graham
