Do your children wake you up in the middle of the night? Do you want them to
stop?
Last month one parenting magazine advised parents in training
children to sleep. Apparently, when a child wakes you up in the middle of the
night, you are supposed to calmly tell them, “Thank you for waking me up. Now,
let’s get you back to bed.”
Another source says that the child should have options that he or she can decide between in the middle of the night.
Ahem. That's not exactly how it goes in our home
.
It’s a matter of principle and character. After all, saying I’m thankful that
you are waking me up would be a lie. (Isn’t being kind and loving a character
issue, too? Yeah, but let’s not go there.) And I don't know how many 4-year-olds can rationalize to make good choices at 3 AM.
Rude Awakenings
Our 5-year-old son Sender has been on a recent streak of waking us up. And
by “us” I mostly mean Joanna, since she is closer to the door.
Wanting to protect my wife, Sender and I had this conversation one morning a few
weeks ago:
Me: “How about you stop waking Mommy
up?”
Sender: “Can I wake you up?”
Me: “Well, on second thought, . . .”
Later, we continued our conversation:
Me: “Why are you waking Mommy up?”
Sender: “I need to ask her a
question.”
Me: “What question could be so
important?”
Sender: “My nose is stuffy.”
Me: “That’s not a question!”
Losing It
If you think I’m being insensitive to him, you should know I could be (and
have been) much worse.
 |
| Elijah, Sender, and B (December 2006) |
For the first 5 years or so of his life, he was very attached to a
particular “blanket bear,” which we all called his “B.” He always had to sleep
with it, and even wanted to carry it around during the day.
Of course, he’s lucky he was the third child. Being as
Baby Wise as we were, we never let
our oldest child develop a sleep crutch. But with Sender, all those rules went
out the window. We just needed him to get to sleep.
But when he was about two-and-a half years old, he misplaced his “B” – we
later discovered that he put it in a big toy chest, mixed up with lots of dress
up clothes. At bedtime we assured him that he could sleep without his treasured
“B,” and he did go to sleep in his crib without too much trouble. He did not
cry.
At least, not until 1 AM.
I heard the banshee-like wails. As I stumbled down the hall to his room, I
heard what the fuss was about.
“I want my ‘B’!!! I need ‘B.’ I . . . want . . . my . . . ‘B’!!”
I threw open his door, to see him standing up in his crib, holding on to the
rails, as if that gave him the leverage he needed to scream his point across
his room, down the hall, to my pillow, and through my eardrums.
What did I do? Well, of course, I thanked him for waking me up. I was gentle
and considerate. I gave him some options.
Really? No way,
Jose.
Actually I cut off his screams sternly,
"Sender, YOU lost your ‘B.’ We told you he needs to stay in your crib, but
you wouldn’t listen. It’s your fault he’s missing. Now, you CANNOT keep every
awake because of your mistake. That is rude and selfish. So you need to lay
down, be quiet, and go to sleep!”
I would have loved to know what he thought of me in that moment.
Who is this
monster? All I asked was for a little stuffed animal, and this crazy man walks
in. Why didn’t Mommy come? She would at least have given me a hug.
He slunk to the back corner of his crib, getting as far from me as possible. Eying me with suspicion and fear, he slid down, back against the rails. Then,
he curled up and lay down. He never made another sound all night.
Let’s not think of the deep psychological scars he has from that fateful
night.
A Warning
Like Sender, Hannah also had a season in her preschool years where she
insisted on getting up, both at nap time and in the middle of the night.
Sometimes she would come to the side of my bed and stand there. I had no
idea how long she remained there, or if she tried to wake me up. All I know is
that my eyes would open, and there she was, staring at me. I often wondered if
we had one of the
Children of the Corn.
Back then, before I was worn out from having three kids, I actually was a
lot more sensitive. I would just carry her back to her bed, tuck her in, and
give her a kiss.
Despite the numerous instructions, consequences, and pleadings, she
continued to walk right out her door to come see us. Not knowing what else to
do, I had an idea. I made a STOP sign out of construction paper and taped it
next to her doorknob. I figured that as she reached for the door, she would see
the sign, and remember to STOP and go back to bed.
And, surprisingly, it worked. Most of the time.
Conclusion
So, if your child is waking you up in the night, here are my suggestions:
- Finagle it so your spouse has to deal with it.
- Scream at your kids to instill fear in them.
- Make a simple art project.
Note: Elijah was our good sleeper. You would tuck him in his bed, and he'd stay there. He would stay flat on his back, even if you checked on him hours later. We said it was like putting him in a coffin each night.
What about you? Do you have kids that like (or liked) to wake you up? What did you do?
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