Though this blog is intended for equipping the next generation of children, I also recognize that most of my readers are married. Effective parenting is best expressed through a healthy and dynamic marriage relationship. That is why we regularly discuss topics on the topic of marriage.
Developing a Language for Marriage
A couple of years ago, Grace Church put together some material for marriage. Much of it started with material from Men’s Roundtable, and then grew into a sermon series. I’m thankful for the staff and elders who developed this, and helped frame a language that we can use.
In this language that was developed, oneness is the centering concept, the core. But these other four things are expressions of and catalysts for oneness; (more full explanations can be obtained if you purchase the One DVD series):
Oneness is a spiritual truth that we live into our present reality. This is what defines marriage. But to live out oneness in my marriage takes work and it requires fighting some internal battles.
Oneness and Parenting
How does this apply to parents? Your marriage needs to be centered on each other, not your children. Child-centered parenting destroys oneness. Pastor Bill White explains,
“One of the great idols of our generation is opportunity for children. . . . We enslave ourselves to give opportunities to our children, opportunities they can’t even fully appreciate. And we destroy our marriages in the name of pursuing the best education, traveling soccer team, volleyball coach, music instructor for our kids.”
Here are three more things to remember about parenting well in the context of marriage:
- Children are a product of oneness, not the cause of it.
- The most important thing we can do for our kids is that they know that our marriage is priority.
- By putting children as the center, you are putting a burden on them that they are not intended to bear.
Growing in Oneness
Returning to the topic of marriage, Bill White closes this teaching by giving three questions that will help you think in terms of living and growing in oneness (these are “borrowed” from Love That Lasts).
- Does your marriage find its primary purpose in God?
- Does your marriage find its home in a local church?
- Does your marriage find its hope in the Gospel of grace?
For each sermon topic, there was a short video by an elder and his wife, and a staff member and his wife (including yours truly), discussing how that topic plays out in their marriages. You can see all the videos at on the Grace YouTube page.
If you are married, or plan to be someday, I encourage you to buy a copy of the One series. Or, do you have a copy already?
- Recommended: What Did You Expect??
- Why Parents Need to Get Away
- How to be Mr. Incredible to Your Wife (from Counseling Solutions)