Marriage Is Not about Fairness

Tomorrow is a special day for my wife and I. Only July 18, 1999 I asked Joanna to marry me (I was serious), and she said "Yes," of course.

I could give lots of reasons for why I asked her to marry me (here's 11), and many more for why I'm glad she did.

We have learned a lot over the past 16 years -- about each other, about our gracious God, and about ourselves. We've learned how selfish we can be, and we've learned that God can transform our minds and hearts. Even more, He transforms our hearts to want to be changed.

If there is one thing we have learned, and are still learning, it's that marriage is not about "fairness." Marriage is about sacrificially putting your spouse first. Marriage is about truly knowing that you are "one flesh" (Genesis 2:24).

Marriage is not 50/50. It's 100/100. It flourishes when both spouses give 100% of who they are, regardless of how they feel and irrespective of return expectations.

Here's what others have to say on this topic:

Jen Pollock Michel (Is This What Love Looks Like?):  "Fairness cannot be demanded in marriage. Unfortunately, many refuse this advice, entering marriage today like collective bargaining. . . . The only biblical model for marriage we have isn't equity; it's self-sacrifice." 

Philip Holmes (She Is Me):  "Refusing to nourish my wife by providing for her is more foolish than not feeding myself. . . . God empowers me to see that she is me, and to love selflessly and sacrificially as I have been loved."

Matt Chandler (The Importance of Marriage):  A 12-minute video, worthy of your time. My main take-away: If you want your marriage to stand out in this culture, make sure it's covenantal, not contractual. Here's the video:




Brett and Kate McKay (The Surprising Benefits of Marrying Young): A little off-topic, but applicable since I was 23 when I got married, and Joanna had just turned 25. "My goal with this article is to simply provide some reassurance to the young gents out there who are in their early to mid-twenties, have already met the right person, and feel like they’re ready to get hitched, but are scared to pull the trigger because they’ve heard the constant drumbeat of “Marry young and you’ll regret it!”"

Of course, we should always listen to Paul's words, in his letter to the Ephesian church: 

 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. 

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body.  

For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

Finally, I highly recommend What Did You Expect??, the best marriage book I've ever read.


Happy engagement anniversary, Joanna!

Equally Seeking God in Marriage

There was a season in my life when I was sure I was going to be single for the rest of my life. It's not that I resigned to being single after years of frustration. I was excited to be single so that I can serve God more fully (as Paul wrote in I Corinthians 7).

However, that brief season ended abruptly when Joanna Wimmer and I began dating. Of course, this story has a much-longer version, but the short of it is that God was preparing me by helping me realize that all I needed was Him.

Sixteen years ago today, Joanna and I entered into a dating relationship. And I couldn't be happier. We have the joy and adventure of being on mission together. And more than anything, we have the joy and mission of seeking to glorify God together.

Now, 16 years later, I look at my kids -- a teenager, a pre-teen, and an 8-year-old -- and I wonder what their future holds. And one of the things I wonder about is if they will be married one day.

Even though that decision is out of my hands, I still feel the need to prepare them for marriage. At the least, the principles that we teach them will help them in all areas of their lives.

Whom Should My Kids Marry?

I already shared my thoughts on this topic on the Family Matters blog. But I wanted to elaborate on these ideas, which you could use as you disciple your children.

My kids may get married one day. And if they do, I do not think there is that "one person" that God has for them. I believe that there are many good options. The question isn't "Which person should they marry?" but "What kind of person should they marry?"

And above everything else, the kind of person that they should marry is someone who loves Jesus more than anything else. A husband or wife must love Jesus more than they even love their spouse!

Why?

First, the Bible is clear on this teaching, as from Paul's second letter to the Corinthians (apparently that church struggled with relationships, not unlike all churches today):

"Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?"

We see that righteousness (more specifically, God's righteousness) takes preeminence over everything else.

Second, in a practical sense, a marriage between a true Christian and a non-Christian is doomed to failure. Think of this triangle illustration . . .

A follower of Jesus Christ makes it his ultimate goal to grow closer to God. This journey of faith has it's up-and-down moments, but the overall trajectory is that of a more intimate relationship with Jesus Christ.

As long as two Christians are both pursuing God, they will draw closer together. This is true for any friendship or business partnership, and is best exemplified in marriage.

But if a Christian (growing towards God) marries a non-Christian (not growing towards God, or even moving further from Him), these two people will become more and more distant. It is unfair to both of them to be "unequally bound" like this.

(Again, for more on this topic, check out this post.)

Spiritually and Practically Speaking . . .

When one person is pursuing Christ with everything they have, and when one is not, both will become frustrated, and both with suffer. Marriage is not reserved solely for Christians, but Christians should only marry Christians, and non-believers should only marry non-believers.

So, whom should your kids marry? Someone who has the same view of God as they do.

And, hopefully, that same view of God means a faith in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior.

I'd love to hear your thoughts and questions, in the comments section below, or on Facebook or Twitter.
 

My Daughter's School Options

"I will not go to that school. I only want to go to _______!"  (My daughter's assertion last fall, as we discussed options for high school.)

From Home to Public School 

We've been homeschooling our children since our oldest began kindergarten.

Disclaimer #1: Many would say that home "schooling" starts well before the age of 5. I would agree.

Disclaimer #2:  When I say "we" have been homeschooling, I mean that my wife has done 99.99999999637% of the work. And you should agree.

We never set out to be a homeschool-all-the-way-through family. We would take it year-by-year, and child by child. And this strategy has worked out great for our family. Educating our children at home has provided them with a great education (low student-teacher ratio), has given our family a lot of flexibility, and allowed us to engage our community (in Allendale and in Greenville) in unique ways. 

Over the past couple of years, as we've had regular discussions about education, Hannah has expressed a desire to go to a "regular" school for high school. She has enjoyed being homeschooled, but feels that going to a public high school would help her prepare for college.

(Due to financial constraints, private school is not an option, and we're not sure we'd choose that option anyway.)

I love how she came to this conclusion. She isn't frustrated with homeschooling, so she isn't running away from it. Part of her would love to continue it. But she is thinking about her life 5 years from now. (Whoa! Is college that close for our family?) She is thinking about her own independence and responsibility. I could not be more proud as a parent!

The Decision Process

Last fall, we began the process of sorting our options. (One great aspect of Greenville is that we have so many great options! #yeahTHATGreenville). One maxim that I live by and try to teach my kids, is to "keep the funnel wide" for as long as possible. That is, don't rule out options too early.

But when Joanna put Hannah's name in for a lottery for Greenville Tech Charter School (which happens to have uniforms as part of their dress code), Hannah made the adamant statement above.

You see, our artistic daughter wanted only to go to an arts-focused school, and she especially did not want to go to a school which required uniforms.

We worked through the uniforms issue (another blog post for another day), and came up with a way for her to actively think through her options.

Thinking Through New Ideas

I asked Hannah to list five possible options for school for next year, write at least one pro and con for each, and rank them in order of her preference. On our next date, we'd discuss them.

I didn't expect Hannah to change her mind completely. I only wanted her to sincerely consider the options. After spending a few days on this project, this is the list she came up with, in order of most preferred to least, with the pros and cons of each.

1. Fine Arts Center (at Wade Hampton High School):  pro -- she loves art, and she'll know some students there; con -- very big 
2. Greenville Tech Charter:  pro -- get a lot of college credit; con -- uniforms 
1. Note: She eventually came around to see the benefits of uniforms. 
2. Note: I was shocked that this school went from never to second favorite. 
3. SC Governor's School for the Arts:  pro -- she loves art, and she can get college credit, and it's right down the road from where we live (now); con -- the student atmosphere (as best we can determine) isn't very pro-God; 
1. Note: We need to get her ready for a challenging environment like this, since we do want our kids to be around people who think differently. 
4. Homeschool:  pro -- comfortable with it, loves our co-op, and gives our family flexibility; con -- won't know what high school is like, and she wants to be prepared for college
5. Greenville High School:  pro -- really close to home and our community, and will get to be with students from our community; con -- "nothing special" for her, and it's very big

Winnowing Down

As the weeks went on, we saw this list get winnowed down. First, Hannah wound up being waaaaaaaaayyyyyy down the waiting list for Greenville Tech Charter. It looks like that won't happen. But we all recognized how neat it was that Hannah allowed her heart to be softened to this idea, and then God closed the door. Hannah sees it as a test from God, of whether she'd be open and humble to the idea.

The Governor's School decision is years off, since it's only for two years -- typically the 11th and 12th grades. So we won't have to concern ourselves with this for now.

And as we continue to talk and pray, homeschool seems to be dropping down to the bottom. Hannah (though she can be self-protective) is getting more and more excited about going to public high school.

Now we are left with these three options:

1. Fine Arts Center (at Wade Hampton HS).
2. Wade Hampton High School. Even if she doesn't get in to the Fine Arts Center, we applied for an out-of-zoning permission to attend there, to help her adjust if she got in to the FAC next year. 
3. Greenville High School.

Hannah was supposed to have her interview with the Fine Arts Center last week, but with the weather-related school closings, it was delayed to this week. She has been laboring for months (years, actually) building her art portfolio. But we know the decision is out of our hands. I know it will be hard for her if she doesn't get in, but we will work to trust God with it.

Above all, we have seen her grow through this process. She has displayed a growing maturity, that we have seen in a number of areas in her life, over the past few years.

I don't know where she'll be accepted, but I do know that God loves her immensely. And that's the most important thing she could ever learn.

Finally, I'll close with a verse that Hannah has been memorizing, which fits how God created her with a wonderful, artistic gift.

"For we are His masterpiece, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them."  (Ephesians 2:10)

Related Links:

• Summary: Education Options for Your Child  
• Homeschool vs Public School: A Few Thoughts 
• An Unexpected Benefit of Homeschooling  

**image courtesy of clairer via morguefile

Our Top Family Moments from 2014

My daughter, Hannah, has a gut feeling that 2015 won't be that great. This is odd for her, since she's such an optimist.

We'll have to come back to this post in 11 or 12 months, to see if my daughter's hunch was accurate. But for the record, she may be correct. Compared to a wonderful year we had in 2014, this next year may not seem special.

Don't agree? Well, here is just a small sample of our family's favorite memories from last year (in chronological order):

Allendale Robotics Team qualifying for the State Championship.

Two weeks of ice storms, the first of which led my sons and I to play chess and eat dinner with our Chinese friends.

State FLL Robotics Tournament. We didn't win anything, but it was a great experience for all the students.

Our family's third year performing in Salkehatchie Stew. (The 2nd year for Sender. Still zero for me.)

Our third annual Elevate Spring Break Camp.

Family trip to Washington, DC.

STEAM Camp in Allendale (all our kids), and Elijah (and other Allendale students) going to Camp Grace camp in Greenville.

Our final field trip (to Charleston) with students from Allendale and Grace Church. I've lived in South Carolina for 27 years and it was my first time ever on the USS Yorktown.

Leaving Allendale to move to Greenville. It was a moment of Sweet Sorrow.

Hannah's Greenville Mission Trip.

A trip back to Allendale.

Hannah becoming a teenager!!!!

Family vacation to Dollywood / Pigeon Forge / Gatlinburg.

Celebrating Joanna's 40th birthday.

Getting away with Joanna for our 15th anniversary (at a bed-and-breakfast outside of Asheville).

Hannah getting her ears pierced.

Celebrating Thanksgiving and Christmas (and Hanukkah, for that matter) without having to travel to Greenville.

End of year trip to Savannah to see family and friends. 

Yes, 2015 has a lot to live up to!

"Hey, Sender"

After we watched Run DMC videos, this happened.

Two months ago, my wife and kids walked into a high school, and she heard a group of teenagers called out, "Hey, Sender!"

A few weeks later, I walked into an elementary school with my kids, and some children called out, "Hey, Sender!"

As a family who is homeschooling, our kids do not attend either of these schools. And yet our youngest child is known by students at these schools, and many others. What in the world is going on here? 

The teenagers and children who spoke to him are his leaders and friends, respectively, from our church. Getting to know people like them is one of the main reasons he proudly proclaims that Sunday is his favorite day of the week. (The other reason is, "We get to learn about God.")

There is no doubt that Sender Philip, who turns 8 years old today, is our family's social butterfly.

A Pure Extrovert 

"Outgoing" doesn't begin to describe Sender. He thrives off of being around people. He gets energized by being with others, which is the complete opposite of his Dad and brother. He's happy to play with one friend, but the more people the better!

His best friends are the seven year old boy who lives across the street, and puppy that lives next door. He could play with either of them for hours each day. Yes, the puppy that has given him bruises and scratches all over his body. All over. Seriously.

We have been to three First Lego League robotics competitions. Sender has never been on a team officially, but he makes the most of it. He connects with children from other teams, and collects more buttons from other teams than anyone else I see, despite the fact that he has little (or nothing) to offer in return.

Sender doesn't just enjoy being in a crowd. His energy tank is filled by it. He could survive all day at one of those robotics events -- sustained by a few pieces of candy and 200 points of contact with children and adults. Man does not live on bread alone, . . . and Sender needs relationships. 

And he doesn't just seek to get things from others (although he struggles with selfishness, like any boy his age, or like his Dad, for that matter). He uses his innate relational skills to bless others, too.

Last month was my wife's birthday. One Sunday at church, he had some extra time and decided to make his mother a birthday card. Nothing special there, right?

Well, not only did Sender present Joanna with his handmade card on her birthday. . . . He also gave her a half-dozen others, made by his classmates at church. And as much as I know him, I'm sure he didn't beg them to make cards for some lady that most of them have never met.

I think they made cards for Joanna because they love and enjoy Sender. His relational influence extended beyond the circle of his own self.

Controlling the Energy

Besides his extroversion, we also know that Sender needs to exert physical energy regularly. If the weather has been bad, and he's stuck inside for a few days, he gets especially ornery. He loves to wrestle, run, and roll on the ground, inside or outside. (I prefer him to do the latter.)

Of course, playing outside with friends (or being on the baseball team in Allendale for the past three years) combines the best of both worlds -- exercise and friends. He is looking forward to playing on the baseball team in the Greater Sullivan Neighborhood next spring!

We love that he has lots of energy, and that he loves to be around people. Our challenge is to help channel his physical and social energy.

He needs to learn to calm down when needed, to not roughhouse so much, and to be aware of who is around him before he does something in play. (Like when he didn't notice his Mom was behind him when he swung a stick. Congrats, Sweetie -- your first black eye!)

And he needs to learn that the goal in his life isn't about getting people to like Him. So we regularly have to talk to him about not trying to be the "star of the show."

Of course, we are thankful for how he reflects the image of God. When he shows energy, he reflects God's nature of action. When he sings and draws and builds, he reflects God's creativity. And when he engages with others in love and friendship, he reflects God's desire to be in a relationship.

We are thankful for this boy today and everyday.

Happy Birthday, Sender!!

"For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them."  Ephesians 2:10

Related Links: 

• Divided Son: Sender's Half-Birthday (2014)
• Little Guy, Big Mind (2013)
• Half-Birthdays Are a Whole Lot of Fun (2013) 
• My Favorite Entertainer (2012)  
• "How Old Are You?" (2011) 
• No Hug for You (2010) 

Joanna: Disciple, Wife, Mother

See how fast this picture is moving? Like right now, how it's not spinning at all? That's about the limit that my wife can handle.

But she brings such excitement to my life. Today, we are celebrating 40 years of her life.

If I was a true romantic, I could come up with a list of 40 reasons I love her. But I'm not, and it's been a little busy around here.

So, here is a quick list of 10 things I love about her:

1. She is beautiful on the outside (let's be honest and start with that).
2. She is beautiful on the inside. What do I mean by that? See reasons #3 - 10.
3. She is the hardest worker I know.
4. She is my voice of reason when I want to do crazy or rude things. (Or she corrects me after I do crazy or rude things.)
5. She gets just as passionate with me on some issues. (Isn't it fun to rant together?).
6. We are on an adventure together to equip the next generation. How many men have had jobs that their ENTIRE family gets to be a part of? I have.
7. She gives me room to explore my own ministries, and has ministries of her own.
8. She is creative, like when she hand-makes Valentine's and birthday cards for me and our kids. (I go the drugstore card route.)
9. She works to educate and train our kids at home, and she excels at it.
10. She is extremely patient with me, and is the most forgiving person I know.

Happy 40th birthday to my beautiful wife, Joanna!!

She Said "Yes" to This Adventure. I'm Serious.

It was July 17, 1999. It was before our church had a permanent building, so we would have to set up and tear down every week. Like a busy beaver, I enjoyed being a part of the regular set-up crew.

For a season, we would set up at the YMCA on Saturday nights, and the worship team would practice after we set up the staging and sound equipment. My (then-) girlfriend Joanna was one of the singers on that team, and was there that night.

I picked up the engagement ring earlier that day, and had the ring with me that evening while setting up, and the next day at church. I didn't want to be away from it until I would ask her to marry me during a Sunday evening dinner at Furman University (at a picnic shelter that no longer exists on the backside of the lake).

Another guy on the set-up team and I had to buy some batteries that Saturday night. On the ride out there, I told him that I had the ring, and that I was going to pop the question the next day.

He asked, with all seriousness, "What do you think she'll say?"

I stared at him and then replied, "If I didn't know that she'd say 'yes,' I wouldn't ask her."

"Are You Serious?"

People laugh when we tell them that we had Bojangles fried chicken for dinner. Not the most romantic pre-engagement meal, is it? But since I was a poor graduate student, I knew that if I did anything too fancy, she would know that something was up.

And I did totally catch her by surprise. I found out later that while she was thinking about marriage, she thought that we would get engaged in the fall, and married the following spring. After all, who starts dating in March, and gets married that December?

I caught her so much by surprise, that after I asked her to marry me, she immediately asked, "Is this for real? Are you serious?"

Who is the non-romantic now?

And after I assured her I was serious, she did say, "Yes." Just like I knew she would.

15 Years Later . . .

She said "yes" fifteen years ago. She agreed to marry me, and to do life together.

Little did she (or I) know the adventure that God would have for us. Fifteen wonderful years together. Three fantastic children. A career journey of chemist to pastor to "missionary" in Allendale.

And next week, we begin the next step in our adventure, as we will be moving back to Greenville.

I knew she would say "yes," but I'm still so glad that she did. And I'm glad that she understood that I was, in fact, serious.



Related Links:

• Our Engagement   
• 11 Reasons I Asked My Wife to Marry Me  
• We Partied Like It Was 1999, Because It Was 1999  
• Our Traditional Anniversary    

**photo courtesy of Furman.edu

Who Is Marriage For?

15 years ago today, Joanna and I went on our first date. (We actually began our dating relationship 8 days earlier, but because of school/work/ministry commitments, we didn't get to go out on an "official" date until the following week.)

It was a quick courtship, as we got engaged on July 18, and then we were married on December 11. We definitely have learned a lot about each other and ourselves in the past 15 years, and I'm blessed to have a wonderful wife.

Not About Me?

One weekday morning years ago, I read a certain chapter in What Did You Expect?? (Paul Tripp), the best marriage book I've ever been through. In that particular passage, Tripp helped me see the truth that I entered into marriage with selfish motives.

I pursued Joanna, and was thrilled to marry her. But if I'm honest, I was thrilled to marry her because of how she made me feel. She made me feel great about myself, and our relationship, courtship, and marriage only solidified my selfish wants.

Of course, I would tell others that it wasn't about me, and that I was called to pursue, provide, and protect. But down in my heart, I went into marriage mostly for self-focused reasons.

 

Marriage Is About Others

Seth Adam Smith shares advice he received from his dad, in Marriage Isn't For You:

"I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married."

He is correct, and I needed these truths 15 (or more!) years ago. Believing that marriage is about oneself leads to lack of full commitment, because when that person doesn't feel like it's fulfilling his or her needs, that is reason to look elsewhere for companionship.

But I think Seth is missing something. Sure marriage isn't about me, but it's not really about others either. Marriage is about God.

Marriage Is About Jesus

Let me restate: our marriage isn't for me or for my wife. It's actually about Jesus. I ought not to go through my marriage with the aim of pleasing myself, and I shouldn't even aim to please Joanna. My aim should always be to please the One who made me and died for me.

(Of course, not everyone (particularly, those who don't follow Christ) will believe that their marriage is about God. For them, I would at least encourage them to make their marriages more about their spouse then themselves. It is better than a self-focus, though that bond will usually be frail.)

You see, when I spoke my vows to Joanna, I didn't just commit to her. I committed myself to Jesus. I committed to my wife in the grace and power of the Lord. My promise to Joanna is rooted in my faith in God. Therefore, to break my vows to love Joanna would be equal to breaking my vows to God.

Husbands and wives -- don't make your own desires the focus of your marriage. At a bare minimum, focus on loving and serving your spouse. But if you want a full satisfaction in your marriage, pursue Jesus and make your marriage about Him.

Dustin Crowe agrees:

"We cannot love children or spouses well unless the perfect love of the Father is a first-hand experience." 

Related Links:

• Love Jesus, Love My Kids      
• Marriage Articles 
• 11 Reasons I Asked My Wife to Marry Me 
• How to Honor Your Wife  

10-Year Time Capsules

Here's a neat little project our family. We have created time capsules that we will seal up for about 10 years (we plan to open them around December of 2023). In each "capsule" (we used photograph boxes), we put items that mean a lot to us now. It may be a small sacrifice now, but when we open the boxes in a decade, I think the joy will be that much greater.

In each box, we each wrote a list of goals or things that we want to see happen in the next 10 years. Of course, we have more short-term goals and plans. (I myself am an especially-nerdy planning addict.) It's not that these lists will be rigid, but it's fun to imagine what the future will be like.

We won't bury these boxes, especially considering that we've lived in 3 different homes in less than 10 years, and we'll be moving again this summer. We will just seal them up and store them away.

Here's a list of what it is each of our time capsules:

Hannah, Age 12

Box Contents (this is only a partial list; her box is pretty stuffed! Just like her brain.):

• Thimble from Folly Beach (she collects thimbles)
• Art sketchbook
• List of her hobbies and favorite things
• Name badge from iTEAMS summer camp
• Toy football caught at an Allendale-Fairfax football game
• Stuffed animal and toy doll
• Miscellaneous artwork

Ten-Year Goals:

• Be in college [she loves SCAD]
• Have a driver's license and car
• Visit Europe 
• Have a bird or a cat as a pet 
• Take another ballet class, and/or learn to play piano
• Have a job 
• Learn French 

Elijah, Age 10

Box Contents:  

• Spirit towel from his USC Gamecocks football game
• Autographed mini-football from an Allendale-Fairfax football game 
• Magic wand (he loves magic tricks) 
• LEGO minifigure and LEGO Nanoblock set
• Other artwork and toys

Ten-Year Goals: 

• Have a driver's license and a vehicle 
• Be in college, hopefully to study engineering or architecture 
• Have a job  
• Travel to at least 25 states in the US 
• Edit: At the end of this vacation, he's been to 11 states.
• To sight-see on one other continent besides North America

Sender, Age7

Box Contents:

• Spirit towel from his USC Gamecocks football game
• Trophy from playing baseball through Allendale County Recreation 
• LEGO minifigure, and a Batman action figure
• A pencil and stickers
• A tail he cut off from a plastic toy scorpion
• A letter he wrote to his future self 

Ten-Year Goals:  

• Get a car [no mention of driver's license, but we'll let that pass]
• Have a job
• Have a pet monkey [originally, it was to have a dog]
• Visit Texas
• Play baseball in high school  
• Go to college [a couple of years too early, but we'll let this pass, too]

Joanna and I (Ages Undisclosed)

Box Contents (we combined our capsule):

• An article about us in The Allendale Sun (written about here)
• Some other articles about camps and programs we've been involved with in Allendale 
• Some encouraging notes we've gotten over the past 3 years
• One of my hats from coaching football at Allendale-Fairfax High School  
• A business card that I've used for the past couple of years, which highlights our other blog and our Elevate Ministries brand  
• My Allendale County Schools name badge, from when I used to work part-time for the district   
• My first smart phone (which I got 2 days before I started working here)
• [that's all we have for now; we need to work on this, don't we?]

Ten-Year Goals (also combined):

• Happily married for 24 years!  
• Kids are passionately following Jesus
• Kids are successful in school, relationships, and are working  
• Adopt a child  
• Joanna to be working outside the home  
• Pay cash for our next family vehicle (like another minivan)  
• Have $300,000 saved for retirement (I think we're almost half-way there)

Would you care to join us in this project? I'm sure it will be a wonderful memory-building time for your family.


Related Links:

• Family Goals for 2013  
• Family Goals for 2012   

Let's Hear It for the Girl

Saturday morning robotics workshop

In three years of blogging here, I realize I haven't given a shout-out to my wife on her birthday, though I have written about our anniversary in 2010, 2011, and 2012. For the record, her birthday was yesterday, and, no, I didn't forget.

I am celebrating the last year of her 30's with great joy, having known her for 15 years and married to her for 14. She is my perfect partner in this adventure we are on. She stays busy with discipling and teaching our three children, with volunteering (and leading) in our after school school programs and camps, and with serving in other ministries in Allendale.

And while we prefer serving together, she also partners with me by giving me the freedom and strength to use my gifts in unique ways. Coaching football consumes a significant portion of my week during the fall. I spend hours each week blogging. And she has supported me in all my crazy goals this year, including writing a book this month (only 20,000 words to go!).

Happy birthday to my treasured wife! I love you, Joanna!