The Strength of Disability

Many people would look at a teenager who has autism spectrum disorder (ASD) and see a lack of social skills. However, researchers have shown that by focusing on strengths (high intelligence, special interests, etc), "these adolescents are as capable as anyone else of forging strong friendships."

And check out this video, where Julie explains how her extra chromosome is a God-given blessing:



And it's not just that a disability can be an advantage for an individual. Justin Taylor reminds us that through disability, God shows that His power, glory, and grace are magnified.
"I believe a 'theology of brokenness' is desperately needed today—a theology that exalts the preeminence of God while underscoring his mercy and compassion to the frail and brokenhearted."

And I'm thankful for a churches like Grace Church that have special needs ministries, and for ministries like The Inclusive Church that equip many others.

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What God Expects from Me as a Dad


For such a large book, the Bible gives surprisingly few direct commands regarding being a father. But one warning sticks out for sure. This command is so important that God gives versions of it in two places:
"Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart." (Colossians 3:21)

"Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." (Ephesians 6:4)
What does it mean to exasperate or provoke my children? Those are things I do to cause them to feel discouraged, to look at life and to have a loss of hope, and to miss the truth about our Heavenly Father.

Parenting Pitfalls

In Parenting Pitfalls, Dave Bruskas gives "two main ways that Christian dads discourage their kids: being permissive and being perfectionistic" (emphasis mine).

The Permissive Dad

"The permissive dad tries to love his kids without correction. He is an enabler who fails to confront sin and foolishness. He never employs hard consequences for disobedience.

"His children, despite his best intention towards the contrary, feel unloved. They will commonly rebel just to get a reaction from dad. . . . And when dad refuses to act, the child refuses to believe he really loves him or her.

"In this way earthly fathers distort the view of our heavenly Father."

The Perfectionist Dad

"The perfectionist dad tries to correct his kids without love. He is controlling and overcorrects his kids for failure or immaturity. . . . 

"His kids may exhibit outward signs of compliance, but their hearts are hard and moved by fear instead of love. They too rebel in hopes that dad will love them no matter what. And when he doesn't, his children conclude that dad won't ever love them.

"In this way, earthly fathers distort the view of our heavenly Father."

A Distortion of the Gospel

Bruskas continues to explain that, by being permissive or perfectionist, we are not only missing a chance to point to the truth of our Father, but that we also miss the truth of the gospel for ourselves. If we are lean towards permissiveness, we believe in the false gospel of licentiousness. And if we lean towards perfectionism, we believe in the false gospel of legalism.

So if the choice is to be either perfectionist or permissive, choose the gospel. And when we fail to parent our children under the truth of the gospel, "model the work of the gospel in your life by confessing to your children your sins and asking for their forgiveness. . . . As a father, you want to point your children to Jesus by sharing your life and trusting in him. Share your life and how Jesus has forgiven you and changed your life with them."

Be sure to read the entire article.


Greater Expectations

 Beyond these gospel truths, you may be wanting some more concrete ideas about what God expects from you. Here are 5 Things God Expects from Every Dad, by Chris Sprad:
  1. Insane patience
  2. Intentional forgetfulness
  3. Create peace
  4. Fun
  5. Be a father
The first one is the toughest for me. I think if I was more insanely patient, I would do better in the other 4 categories.

But then again, even being insanely patient should be a result of my growth in Christ and dependence on Him. I need to keep the gospel at the forefront, so that all the "good fruits" are a result of the gospel changing my life. Yes, I need to be patient, forgiving, peaceful, etc, but these attitudes should be the results of the Spirit's work in my life.

Because above all else, do you know what God expects most of all for me as a Dad? That I would be grow in my walk with Him.

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**image courtesy of agastecheg via sxc.hu

Time Flies: Birth to 12 Years in Less Than 3 Minutes

Have you ever seen a great idea and wish you had done that? In this video below, a dad filmed his daughter every week, from infancy until she turned 12 years old. Check it out:



Of course, I wish I had done that. But then again, we were using 35 mm film, and an camcorder, until we bought our first digital camera in November (Black Friday!) 2006.

Our "little" girl will be 11 later this month. So many great memories recorded on my brain! We're blessed to have her.

When Hannah was about 2, a mentor mentioned something about keeping a journal for each of his kids. I did start them with her, thankfully. I write at least once per month about what's going on in her life, and things we're seeing in her. She's read them a few times (I think I'm on the 4th journal by now), but I still consider them "mine." I suppose we'll give them as a gift to her at some point down the road.

What's you favorite way to keep memories of your kids? Scrapbook, journals, etc.

5 Inspiring Articles from Family Matters


 Some great articles from Family Matters:

Based on Matthew 3:17 . . .
  1. "You are my son (or daughter)."
  2. "I love you."
  3. "I am proud of you."

Raising Kids for True Greatness


A review of Tim Kimmel's book. The main point is found in this quote from the book:
"Life isn’t about you. It’s not about our children or our plans for them. It is 100 percent about God. It’s all about God and His plan for us."


10 Ways to Be a Great Church Member

I'm usually not a big fan of to-do lists like this, as I find they can easily become part of a works-based theology for heart change. However, I think there are some good principles, such as:
  • Bring your Bible and follow along with the sermon
  • Pray for the church leaders
  • Don't participate in public criticisms of your church leaders. Rise above gossip.
  • Make church about what you can give, not get

 

A Mother Who Knows Nothing

Do you ever feel like you are parenting all wrong? Do you live with guilt and regret? Do you ever feel inadequate to live out God's call as a parent? This post is for you.

 

Top 10 Ways to Be a Great Neighbor

Important lessons that we are learning about community and engaging our culture (such as in Don't Try to Have It All Together):
  • Be a good friend to all your neighbors, not just the ones who are like you.
  • Be quick to serve your neighbors.
  • Refuse to get pulled into gossip.
  • Refuse to play the comparison game.

You can also see some other posts from Family Matters that I've referenced before:

Favorite Tweets for August


School has started in our neck of the woods. Lots of learning going on!

Here are some top tweets from August -- from others and from moi.


From Others

@JamieTheVWM:  Ministry in the suburbs is challenging. Everyone here is surrounded by shiny new stuff, so it's hard to see the Light.

@FrankieBoyle:  I don't see why the last day of the Olympics shouldn't be all the gold medalists playing dodgeball till we have an ultimate champion

@mitchmillerme:  Nothing will leave you friendless faster than making sure you get credit for everything.

@compassion:  Do the people in your community know why your church exists? #wcagls | A good question to regularly ask

@myBR1DGE:  All it takes is one caring adult to get the most out of a young person.

@mdroyster:  Let passion energize & sustain you. Give it all you've got one step at a time. Focus on small victorys & the the big win will come. 

@theHSHproject:  If you don't think it's hard to follow Jesus . . . then you might not be following Jesus.


My Tweets (@EspinosaJoey)

Thunderstorm knocked out 20% of the traffic lights in #AllendaleSC. Fortunately, the other 4 are still working.

My wife is out of town. This is my dinner.

Loved watching this video with my kids! The LEGO Story.

"As much as we want God to explain himself to us, we are in no place to demand that He give an account to us." Francis Chan 

"I never have to do a moment's labor to gain or maintain my justified status before God!" Milton Vincent

"Short-term mission trips will not evangelize the world. [Churches need] a long-term presence on the ground." Zane Pratt

The Importance of Reading to Children

From January to March, I tutored a handful of middle school boys in an after school program aimed to teach reading strategies. I learned two things:
  1. I'm not a natural teacher, and
  2. If there is a lack of motivation, all the strategies will be futile.
Now, most of these boys were pretty sharp. Towards the end of the program, I would bring word games like Scrabble and Quiddler, and they enjoyed the challenge of finding good words. But these 6th graders (and one 7th grader) struggled with reading out loud, and their ability to comprehend what they read.

The Read-Aloud Handbook

Earlier this year, I finished reading a book that a friend bought me, The Read-Aloud Handbook (Jim Trelease). The main premise of the book is that reading aloud to children (starting at infancy, and continuing through the teenage years) is crucial to their learning and success. The book is full of examples, research, and resources that I found helpful, and that I think you will, too.

While I enjoyed the book, two things bothered me as I read it:
  1. The author reiterates his main principle ("Read to your children.") over and over and over and . . . . Every chapter is a variation on this same theme. But to his credit, I appreciate him sticking to the main point, and his thorough research supported his premise.
  2. His thesis came across as a "formula with a promise" -- that if you do A (read to your children every day), then you will get B (happy, smart children). I fear that parents might read this book and put their hope in a process, instead of the Person of Jesus Christ. Also, what does it mean if you do this and your child does not love reading or do well in school? Is that a cause to lose hope or get discouraged?
Nonetheless, Trelease's research and examples should encourage us to read to our children, and to encourage other parents to do the same. Instructing other parents of these principles is especially important if you are engaging a culture where education is not generally valued and encouraged.

Personal Lessons Learned

Some of the main principles that I gleaned from this book include:
  1. Adults need to set an example.
  2. Quantity over quality.
  3. Screen time is a detriment.
  4. Teach children to focus.

 

Example Set by Adults

During our summer camp, we had a 30-minute "book club" every day. One change we made this year was requiring that all adults leaders must also read, not use that time to get ready for the next activity (as I wrote about here). And when we had teenager leaders and out of town guests, they had to grab a book and read as well.

Children need to see that we learn by reading. If a teacher (or parent) doesn't have a love for reading, it will be nearly impossible to pass that on to the child.

Quantity over Quality

I was surprised that the author had a general promotion of comic books and other "mindless" literature. I would have imagined that he would heavily favor non-fiction books, and a select few series books.

But there are some advantages of encouraging the quantity (versus quality) of reading, especially for children in elementary school. First, we adults read for pleasure, so why shouldn't our children do the same? Comic books, children's magazines, and similar literature encourages a child to take pleasure in reading. Connecting pleasure and reading is especially important for young boys. Over 200 years ago, author Samuel Johnson penned,

"I am always for getting a boy forward in his learning. . . . I would let him at first read any English book which happens to engage his attention. . . . He'll get better books afterwards."

Second, comic books provide an advantage in that they require the child to decipher the sequence of events. This skill is important in reading comprehension, social studies, problem-solving, science, etc. (Note: Trelease does not encourage a steady diet of comic books, but for this genre to be used as a primer for deeper reading.)


We killed two birds (not literally) during our summer camp by buying two copies of The Action Bible. This Bible-storybook in graphic novel format is attractive to boys, and was read every day. Plus, while we couldn't teach the Bible in our camp, we could make these books available for children to read during our Book Club, so they could learn about the Bible.

Third, reading a variety of literature increases the breadth of knowledge and experience. As this knowledge bank gets larger, he or she will be able to make connections as he continues to read and learn.

More to Come

I discuss the next two points (screen time and focusing), on my Mission: Allendale blog, since I've seen those issues as front and center in the community that we are living in.


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Sender Is Beautiful

The quality is not great, but you still have to smile at this one.



We think it's funny how much our kids have picked up on pop culture in the last couple of years.

Or maybe this song should be credited to (or blamed on?) our summer intern, Anna Marshall.

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