No matter what.
Seriously, though. My 14th anniversary coming up next month, and I can think of only a handful of times when I've done this well -- when I've responded with sympathy instead of my "ingenious" solution.
When our immediate response is to "fix" her problems, we are saying, "It's a good thing you have someone as smart as me to help you." How condescending.
Guys, if we can do more listening and more feeling, she will appreciate it. And in terms of strengthening our relationship, we'll hit the nail right on the head.