A Different Way

What Brings You Joy in Parenting?

A few weeks ago, we heard a sermon on 3 John. Although verse 4 mentions the word "children," this passage is not written in the context of parenting.

Still, the pastor reminded us about our mindset and attitude in parenting. Here is the verse:

"I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth."

What do your kids do that bring you the greatest joy? Is it . . .

their athletic accomplishments?
when they earn academic accolades or scholarships?
when they leave you alone to get some peace and quiet?

All of these things are not inherently bad or wrong. But these should not be what brings us the greatest joy, or even a disproportionately large amount of joy.

What should bring us the greatest amount of joy in our parenting? When our children are walking in the truth.

What does "walking in the truth" look like?

A love for God and God's word.
Having a heart that honors and trusts in authority.
Loving others more than himself.
Humility and integrity.
etc.

Check out this video from the Verge Network about discipling the next generation...

Let us pray ...

For our children, that they would walk in the truth.
For ourselves, that we not seek joy and satisfaction in the wrong sources.
That our children would exceed our dreams, and follow God's.

When Is It OK to Manipulate Our Kids?

My children like kids' meals (though we usually skimp and piece a meal together). Can you blame them? It has a toy! As if they don't have enough...

But I was intrigued by a recent study that indicated that children can be influenced to make healthier food choices, by marketing it with fictional superheroes.

So, here's my question: Is it right or wrong to manipulate our kids like this? Shouldn't we be giving them more direction, instead of subtle manipulation?

On the other hand, maybe this is a good way to counter all the marketing that our children see, that show that all kinds of unhealthy stuff is "cool." (Ever notice that your preschooler can recognize the symbols for Coke, McDonald's, Chick-fil-A, and Target, even before he can read?)

Or maybe the answer is age-dependent -- that at younger ages children need more direction, while older ones need more influence.

(And even if we do "manipulate," we still need to couple that with teaching self-control. A preschooler who can delay gratification tends to have a lower body mass index (BMI) as an adult.)

What are your thoughts?

Related Links:

**image from the Cornell article linked above

Righteousness and Sin

Are your kids good?

I mean, I know that they're not perfect, and you wouldn't say that (and hopefully they wouldn't either). After all, we all know that all have sinned and fall short of God's glory (Romans 3:23).

But let's be honest. You've compared. I sure have. And I know my kids have.

It's easy to think, "I'm glad my kids aren't acting like that." It's easy for my kids (taking hints from comments they've heard from us) to say, "So-and-so acts so crazy!"

It's easy to get self-righteous.

And we do the same with other adults, passing verdicts like we are Judge Wapner. Whether they've had a minor struggle, or they've been caught in a deep and far-reaching sin, we wonder, "How could they do that?"

But when we look at others and their sin, we need to remember that we are much more like them than we are like Jesus.

Our kids are much more like the tantrum-throwing brats sitting three tables over at Chili's, than they are like Jesus. Our kids are much more like the foul-mouthed, angry kids at camp, than Jesus.

And we're closer to that person at church who doesn't serve, tithe, or join a community group, than we are to Jesus. We're closer to Wall Street crooks, or deadbeat dads, or neglectful moms, than our Lord.

"Because of the privilege and authority God has given me, I give each of you this warning: Don't think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us." Romans 12:3

The only righteousness that matters is that which we receive through faith in Jesus. It's not about how good we are, but how perfect Jesus is.

Related Links:

Kids Are Not That Different
Are You a Presumptuous Parent?
Parenting in the Lord
Fraud or Sinner? (from The Resurgence)

**image courtesy of mckenna71 via sxc.hu

Interviewing My Kids

Helping you know Hannah (who turns 11 next month), Elijah (age 8), and Sender (age 5).

Favorite Holiday Memory:

Hannah: Christmas when we see everyone in our family
Elijah: Last Christmas, because we saw all our grandparents
Sender: Winter

Dream Vacation Spot:

Hannah: Hawaii Disney Resort
Elijah: Rome
Sender: Atlantis

Favorite Animal:

Hannah: Crab
Elijah: Penguin
Sender: Saber-toothed tiger

Best Memory of a Family Event:

Hannah: Disney World when I was 8
Elijah: Going to the beach with all Mommy's family
Sender: Disney World

Best Summer Memory (this year):

Hannah: Anna Marshall being here [look for a follow up post next week]
Elijah: Meeting lots of new people, especially at summer camp
Sender: cook-out and party in Savannah (with a water trampoline, kayaking, etc)

Most Cherished Possession:

Hannah: American Girls [remember this?]
Elijah: Money in my wallet
Sender: My spy book

Hopes for the Future:

Hannah: Hovercrafts
Elijah: To marry and have kids
Sender: Have a shrink-ray

Wins, Losses, Sports, and the Gospel

"Probably the worst thing that could have happened to you was going 15-0 during your senior year."

I'll never forget when he told me that. I was talking to a guy when I was going through a period of depression. After debriefing him on some of my background, he picked my brain apart a little, in a gentle way, of course. And then he spoke words that I had never thought of, but needed to hear.

Yes, we went undefeated my senior year of high school football. And since we capped the previous season with 11 straight wins, we won the last 26 games in a row of my high school career. Two region and state championships. Individual honors. Yada, yada, yada.

How was this "the worst thing"? Is it bad to be successful? No, not in itself. But from that point on, he helped me see, all that I do is compared to that perfection.

I'm an internally competitive person, not really externally competitive. I want to win not to beat you, but to prove to myself that I'm better. And when (or if?) you beat me, I don't think, "Wow. He beat me." I think, "I can't believe I let him beat me." It's all about me. Just another way that my pride manifests itself.

Does you child play sports? I know you want to help him or her display Christ-like character. You can read this post from Family Matters on the Top 10 Ways to Be a Great Teammate. This article gives great tips for your child. But we can't stop there.

When we have a list that includes "work hard," "show love," and "pray for others," I wonder where the Gospel fits in. Sure, godly character and behaviors are important, but they must not be our primary focus.

We need to remember our identity. What we do matters, but only as it flows out from who we are. Because whether we win or lose, we must remember that God never intended our value or self-worth to rest upon our performances.

Our value, and our satisfaction, must always be founded in that fact that we have been created in God's image, and that He purposed to redeem us (with all our flaws) by sending His Son to die for us. It's not about my victory (or loss) on the field of play, but about Jesus' victory over sin and death.

I'll take that over my "perfect season" any day.

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:2

"And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." II Corinthians 3:18

Spanking Causes Mental Illness? No.

"Do you beat your kids?"

We get this question regularly, and always from other children. I'm not sure why it ever comes up, but we do take time to answer.

"No, we don't beat our children. But we have spanked them. And we believe that it is never to be done in anger, and only for certain things they do wrong, like when they outright disobey our instructions."

That usually satisfies the curiosity, but sometimes -- to our dismay -- we get follow up questions like, "How often do you beat them?" Groan.

As I've said before, it can be dangerous to either spank or not spank children. But many in the culture and media say otherwise, that spanking is ineffective at best, and can even cause mental illness.

For the most part, those who do spank think it's a good idea, and those who don't spank think it's a bad idea. Therefore, the debate is typically a process of butting (no pun intended) hard heads. Which is why this op-ed by Melina Moyer is a refreshingly balanced perspective.

She realized that despite the attention-grabbing headline, spanking does not cause mental illness. What did the research conclude? "That adults who have mental problems are more likely to say they were pushed, grabbed, shoved, slapped, or hit by their parents than healthy adults are." Nothing to do with spanking at all, and no cause-effect relationship was inferred.

Additional research by so-called "conclusive" articles show that studies often lump spanking into the same category as slapping and kicking. And studies that show negative effects of spanking fail to factor in situations where parents have poor parenting skills in general.

In all, Moyer concludes that spanking may be effective in certain situations, while it can also be a "gateway" to further abusive behavior. And I totally agree with this. Spanking (and any form of treatment) done in anger and outside the context of loving conversation is very dangerous.

This conclusion is hardly such a definitive problem as many in the culture make it out to be.

**image courtesy of Rotorhead

Boyhood Sports Heroes

Before the "championship game" of my son's T-ball season, the recreation director asked me some questions about him, so they can have information for the announcers. When she asked who Sender's favorite athlete is, I said, "His Dad, of course."

I'm not sure what a 5 year old would say, but when I was a little older than him, I had a couple of favorite football players. Since I'm at football camp this week with the Allendale-Fairfax High School team, I figured it's an opportune time to show some videos of my sports heroes.

Barry Sanders. Impossible to tackle, and incredibly humble man.

Bo Jackson. All-around athlete, fast and strong. Freak injury shortened his football career.

Who were you childhood sports hero or heroes?

Subscribe to: Posts ( Atom )

Pages