A Different Way

Changing Your Child

Does your child have any attitudes or behaviors that you want to change? I'm not talking just about little annoyances, but even significant issues related to their character.

I've discovered some bad news about this desire to change children: You cannot change them. Sure, we can do some behavior modification, but we cannot change their hearts.

But I've also discovered some good news about this: You cannot change them . . . but Jesus can.

Read more about how God has changed my life, and what He has taught me about changing my kids' lives, in my latest guest post on the Family Matters Blog, Changing Our Kids.

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Common Core Is NOT the Common Problem

A few months ago, leading up to South Carolina's primary elections, I shared my not-so-humble thoughts about the elections. One of my biggest issues then (and now) is people whose primary platform "anti-Common Core."

I promised that I would explain this more in detail, and here we go. Ready or not . . . .

Anti- Anti-Common Core

Since I live in the south, and since most of my friends (and social media connections) are "conservatives," I hear a lot of rage against the Common Core State Standards Initiative. But whatever one's worldview, I think most of the complaints can be centered around these five issues:

General myths and misunderstandings
Struggle with change
Politics
Funding
Standardized Testing

Myths and Misunderstandings

The biggest misunderstanding I hear about Common Core is about what exactly it is. Many people think that Common Core is a new nationally-mandated curriculum. But Common Core is a set of standards (which we've had for years in education) of what's expected for students to learn.

For everyone who has complained, and shared their complaints with friends and the internet, how many have actually looked at the Common Core website? If you are guilty of this, a good place to start would be the Myths vs Facts page.

Common Core is a tool. It levels the playing field of what children are expected to know. As it is now, every state has different standards, which is not too big of a deal unless a child moves, or unless your child lives in a state which merely calls for a minimally-adequate education system.

As a tool, Common Core can be used, or misused. A hammer can be used to put a nail in wall to hang a picture, or it can put a big hole in your sheetrock. But if you mistakenly do the latter, don't blame the hammer.

Struggle With Change

Ah . . . our favorite defense mechanism, "That's not how we did it in our day, and we turned out fine." But at some point, even what we did was a change from the previous.

There are growing pains with adjusting to a new system. This should be expected. But let us not live in the dreamland of thinking that the standards of 30 years ago are just as relevant as today.

And I don't get the viral complaints about how children are being taught math. Again, we have to understand that there is a difference between standards and curriculum.

(And to be honest, that examples of how to do that type of addition makes sense to me. I'd be happy to explain why the often-complained-about way of doing math is a good thing. Just ask me....)

But even if that was a terrible standard, let's keep it in perspective. That is one standard out of four core subjects, out of an entire year of education, out of thirteen years of schooling. If only 1 or 2 percent of Common Core (or any other educational tool) was terrible, I'd be content.

It's funny (to me) to hear people in South Carolina fight to "keep Common Core out of our schools." It's already in the schools! And I've talked with many administrators and teachers who love it. As one principal told me, "We love it! Our teachers now have the freedom to create their own curriculum. It's helping us do project-centered lessons." This doesn't sound like the "one-world, government mandate" that so many are afraid of.

(That's not an isolated example. For example, read about some successes in Kentucky).

And speaking of which government and politics . . .

Politics

I think most "conservatives" are against Common Core because of the President that this was enacted under. They may even claim that this is part of Obama's plan to bring about a one-world government.

I'm not going to touch this conspiracy theory. Besides, Common Core was originally supported by the National Governor's Association.

Funding

Another issue I hear is that teachers don't know how to use it. And I get this. I know a teacher from another state who complains that teachers are being told to use this tool, but the state is not providing the resources to train them how to implement it.

But the issue here isn't with Common Core. The issue is politics and funding.

Standardized Testing

Besides the issue of funding, there are numerous other side issues that Common Core is being blamed for. The biggest of these may be the heavy emphasis on standardized testing (which takes up at least 20% of a student's school year)?

But standardized testing is not specifically a Common Core issue. We can better lay the blame on No Child Left Behind (which, by the way, was enacted under a Republican president).

There is a lot in our education system that I disagree with, but let's make sure we assign the correct blame.

Is Common Core perfect? By no means. Should we debate its effectiveness? Absolutely. But let's make sure we are debating facts, not emotional and irrational responses.

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Annoyed? Or Cultivating?

Does your child's personality ever annoy you? Does his or her quirks irk you to no end?

Yeah. Me, too.

In our house, we have an easily-distracted conversationalist, an overly-sensitive introvert, and an energetic boss. And it often drains me to a point that I just want to shut them down.

Jen Wilkin writes:

"Lacking adult self-control, their personality traits can seem annoying and nuisance-like, undesirable. Sometimes our first response to an annoying personality trait is a desire to pull it out by the roots."

But instead of quashing these God-given personalities, I need to cultivate them. Want to learn more? Read Jen's full post: When Your Child's Personality Annoys You.

"May we be diligent to tenderly train them up in the way that they should go."

New Skill: Bible Memory

I'll be honest, I think my beginning-of-the-year goal of learning new skills is about to come to an end.

Not that I'm giving up on all those new skills completely, but I'm going to go more into "maintenance mode." With one near-full-time job plus two part-time jobs, I think you'll understand.

My goal for last month (Computer Programming), started out well, but petered out over the last few weeks. It was interesting, but I can't see myself needing to become an expert or utilizing it down the road.

Now, as I move forward, I'll still try to keep up with my Spanish (I hope to finish Year 2 by the end of this year) and my ukulele. But that's about it.

Except for . . .

Improving My Bible Memory

As with all my goals (learning new skills), one main purpose is to exercise my brain, besides any other benefits. And I want to keep stretching and strengthening my brain. In October, I will do that by working on Bible Memory.

I already do Bible memory every day using a free on-line program called Memverse. (It's free, but they still have a referral program. If you want to sign up, please use this link.) I've been using this program for almost 2 years now, and it's become a nice habit to have.

We have our children memorizing Scripture, too. Some verses are for our family's focus for the year, and they all work on these. And some verses are specific for each of their personalities and needs.

There are lots of great reasons to memorize Scripture, and I encourage you to read what Tim Challies and Jon Bloom have to say. Here are three basic reasons for us:

Spiritual discipline. I think God honors small steps of continual faithfulness. Making this a regular habit is a way to follow God, and respond to His pursuit of me.
Pursuit of holiness. We are called to "think about" (Philippians 4:8) things that are right and pure and lovely, and Scripture is the most positive thing I can be thinking about. Along with this, hiding God's word in my heart can help keep me from sinning against Him (Psalm 119:11).
Time of need. I remember coming off of anesthesia when I had my knee surgery. I don't think I ever felt so much pain. Immediately, and without thinking about it, I began reciting Psalm 23. Besides helping me to focus on and trust in God, I may have also been a witness to the nurses who were in the room. (I don't know. I was still pretty drugged up.)

I already spend about 10-15 minutes each morning using Memverse. My goal this month is to do some other Bible memory stuff in the evenings.

If you are not spending consistent time trying to memorize God's word, I encourage you to start today. Try using Memverse, and take it slow. Little steps of faithfulness lead to great progress over time.

Of course, there are lots of methods and tools to help you with Bible memory. Do you have any suggestions? Let us know in the comments.

**image courtesy of silegl69 via free images

Favorite Tweets from September

Whoa. This girl is now a teenager.

It's a month to remember.

And here are my top tweets from the past month:

From Others:

@DerwinLGray: When my mom was a junior in high school in 1971, the school nurse told her to ABORT me. She said, "NO!" Thank you mom.

@MatthewMurphy: Our kids are our greatest responsibility. How are you investing in them?

@BrandonSmith85: “Being raised from the dead is never boring. Therefore every Christian has a stunning testimony.” @JohnPiper

@NashaLending: Learning about rooftop gardening from @MillVillageFarm in downtown Greenville with Clemson MBA #entrepreneur pic.twitter.com/L9xSR04C7Q

@PaulTripp: Freed from having to hide, deny or shift the blame, the cross enables you to stare your sin in the face with humility and hope.

@DavidAQaoud: One of the many reasons we should live in community: “When God gives us wisdom, he most often gives it through other people.” Kevin DeYoung

From Myself:

In the past, mission trips came to her. Now my daughter got to be on one of her own. http://buff.ly/1lw4bS5 #missions

Some Furman alumn just told me he was "old school" @gracechurchsc, b/c he started going at the Handlebar. Had to tell him what was up. #1996

Is #Ferguson out of your mind already? SHOULD it be? http://buff.ly/1nAKAvI

A gospel-centered church doesn't compare itself to other churches, but to the holiness of God. (via @tgc) http://buff.ly/1oc0pZM #church

Room parents do amazing work. What a great partnership between schools, parents, & the community!

Thankful for God's provision! Was offered 2 part-time jobs this week. Start both later this month. #riseandgrind

"Talking about race & racial reconciliation can be downright terrifying." @trillianewbell http://buff.ly/1tVir61 #united

My 7-year-old: "I'm going to tell my kids that if they open their eyes when I pray, Santa won't bring them any presents." #parenting #fail

Little girl sitting next to me during school lunch: "My parents don't know, but I haven't brushed my teeth in 3 days."

She's a Teenager!

Hannah, 3 days old.

As of September 25, at 12:29 AM, I have a teenager.

I really don't have much to write about that. No words can adequately capture what I feel inside. As a parent, you understand.

I remember cradling Hannah in my arms in the hospital, when she was about 20 hours old. I was weeping, as I thought: "In less than a day, she'll be twice as old as she is now."

Well, now she is 5698 times as old as she was in that moment. I'm feel just as uncertain and weak as a parent as I did then.

I fail all the time, but I think I'm doing OK. Even more important, Hannah thinks I'm doing fine. A couple of weeks ago, when I told the kids that I would be teaching a parenting class for young dads, she immediately exclaimed, "You'll be GREAT at that!" It was so encouraging to hear it from her, as I could tell she meant it from the heart.

She's a reflection of God's optimism and hope. She's beautiful, inside and out. She is growing in God, learning how to relate to others, and becoming more aware of herself.

Want to see how much her personality hasn't changed over the years? This video was done in 2006, when she was 4-and-a-half years old. We crack up to tears whenever we watch it. (The purpose was for it to be a part of a "thank you" to children's ministry volunteers in our church. The voice you hear is the Children's Ministry Director at the time.)

There is so much commentary I could give you about this video, but I'll just share this one thing: Her favorite (or was that frave-rit) Bible story that she referred to is when Solomon threatened to cut a baby in two (I Kings 3).

Hannah, 12.8 years old

I'm not fearing this stage of her life (the dreaded "teenager"). Our relationship is changing, but it's not for the worse. I get to relate to this young woman in a way that I could not have done with her when she was 4 or 5 years old. I am so thankful that I get to be her Daddy.

I'm even thankful I get to do things like buy her hot chocolate after an MRI at 10 o'clock at night. (See the picture to the right.)

Want to read more about her, and what I'm learning from parenting my daughter? Here are some posts from her previous birthdays:

And here's my post from this year on her birthday, on my other blog: Birthday Flashback.

Are You a Parent of a Teenager?

Do you have a teenage daughter, or will you soon have one? Be encouraged, and be joyful.

And here are some other articles that may be helpful for you:

Ten Truths for the Teenage Girl -- Because It Matters Who You're Becoming (Living Proof Ministries)
Teenagers and Dating (this blog)
5 Things Every Daughter Needs to Hear About Her Body (Family Matters)
Raising Teens in the Shadows (Gospel Centered Discipleship).

I especially like the following excerpt of this last article, which I'll close with:

"What happens when the joyful little girl who knew the love of Jesus begins to look shadowed and burdened, wondering if it all makes sense?... As I attempt to love my daughter through her struggle, I am trying to get out of the way. I am trying not to let my sin hinder her progress."

Missing the Point of Rosh Hashanah

Our shofar, a ram-horn trumpet blown on Rosh Hashanah / Yom Teru'ah

If you have any Jewish friends (or family), you probably know that Rosh Hashanah begins this year on the evening of September 24. What you may not know is that how this holiday is celebrated (as the Jewish New Year) is not how it was originally intended.

Even more, your Jewish friends probably doesn't know this either.

Trumpets to New Year

Rosh Hashanah means "head of the year," and is celebreated on the first day of the Jewish month of Tishri. (The Hebrew calendar is a lunar-based calendar, with the first day of each month coming at the new moon.)

However, the origin of this holiday comes in Leviticus 23. At this point (vv. 23-25) it was called Yom Teru'ah, "day of trumpets." This was one of the seven major Feasts of the Old Testament. At that point, Tishri was the seventh month of the year, not the first. (For support of this, see v. 5, which puts the first month in the spring, when Passover was celebrated.)

What happened to make this shift? The most common explanation I've heard is that it came at the time of Hebrew exile in Babylon and Persia. Someone can correct me if I'm wrong, but I was told that one or both of those cultures had their new year in the fall (around the time of Tishri), and that when the Jews were in exile, they adopted that cultural practice.

Others say that the religious calendar begins in the spring, and the civil calendar begins in the fall (at Rosh Hashanah). But nowhere is this taught in the Hebrew Bible. In fact, the one time the term rosh hashanah is used (in Ezekiel 40), it most likely refers to the a day in the spring.

Either of these explanations misses the point of Yom Teru'ah.

Missing the Point

The defining moment of this Feast was the blowing of a ram's horn, or shofar. The holiday of Yom Teru'ah was ordained by God as a time to get the attention of Israel (as a loud blowing of a ram's horn would do), and to gather them for the Feast of Yom Kippur. In that solemn day, a great atoning sacrifice would be made for the whole nation of Israel. For most observant Jews (then and today), Yom Kippur is the most serious holiday of the year, as you can imagine. Therefore, Yom Teru'ah should be, too.

But nowadays, Yom Teru'ah (or Rosh Hashanah) is just a time to wish each other a "Happy New Year." We have completely missed the point! We have moved from a focus on giving attention, glory, and worship to the great Adonai, to giving each other sweet pleasantries.

I shouldn't be surprised. After all, at one time I was blinded to these truths, and to the truths about Yeshua Ha'Mashiach ("Jesus the Messiah"). And Jesus predicted the same (in John 12):

“He who believes in Me, does not believe in Me but in Him who sent Me. He who sees Me sees the One who sent Me. I have come as Light into the world, so that everyone who believes in Me will not remain in darkness." (vv. 44-46)

I was once in this darkness, and by the grace of the Lord, I am in the light. And now, I feel burdened for my Jewish family and friends who are in the darkness and don't see the truth about the Messiah.

Missing the point about Rosh Hashanah or any other holiday is a symptom of the bigger issue of missing the truth about Jesus. I didn't always feel this weight, but God has grown it in my heart (as I explained in this post).

Does God Have Your Attention?

Most Jews today are anticipating the coming of the Messiah. And when I was growing up and attended Hebrew private school, I was taught that the Messiah would only come when there was peace on earth. The goal, therefore, was to work really hard to bring about this peace.

But this, too, misses the point. We sinful humans can never overcome evil on our own. It's not that the Messiah will come when we get everything right in this world.

The truth is that He has come already, as a suffering servant, to get us right with God. We don't need a shofar to get our attention. What should get our attention are the truths that God is holy, and we are sinners.

And we definitely need more than pleasant well-wishes.We need faith in the great atoning sacrifice of God's Son, the Messiah, as the only way to bridge the gap between God's holiness and our sinful nature.

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