A Mission for Our Family

Ready to party

Regarding us moving to Allendale, you may be wondering how our kids are doing.  Overall, really well.  Of course, there is some hard parts, like leaving friends and a great church.  Hannah told Elijah this over a month ago, upon learning that Allendale is 3 hours from Greenville, "Elijah, do you know how early we're going to have to leave to get to church each week?"

But as a whole, they are also up for adventure, and they are at a good stage in life to do this.  Three years ago, Sender would have been a toddler, which is not an easy time for us to go through a big change like this.  Five years from now and Hannah is in the midst of her teenage years, when leaving close friends would get really difficult.

Read the rest of the article on the Mission: Allendale blog.

How Can We Seek to Develop a Heart of Repentance in Our Child?

image courtesy of duchesssa via sxc.hu

This question was from a parent (see the comment in this post) who had a child that was caught lying. We as parents know that we can make  a child apologize, but we cannot make him or her be truly sorry and repentant. How do we reach the heart of the child?

First, we need to move beyond the behavior (i.e., lying) and get to the heart motive. Why did the child lie? Was he afraid of getting caught? Did she do it because of pride, not wanting to be wrong or a failure? Ask your child questions and pray for wisdom in each situation, so that you can discern what is behind the sinful behavior.

Once you find the motive, keep working back until you expose the sinful and fleshly idol in your child’s heart.  If he was afraid of getting caught, help him see that he is not trusting in you; he is more concerned with keeping himself “safe,” instead of allowing you to help him in life. Even more, he is not trusting in the sufficiency of Christ and His gospel.

If she was being proud, then expose this heart issue to her. Explain that this proud attitude is exactly what sets Satan against Jesus. You can see that the child doesn’t need to just repent of lying, but to repent of pride, lack of trust, or whatever idol is marking his life. 

Above all, be ready to step back and let the Holy Spirit do His work. After all, the only thing you can really do is expose idols and lead your child to Jesus. The Holy Spirit is the One who convicts hearts.

Related Links:

• Biblical Parenting vs Gospel Parenting  
• Truth, Lies, & Satan 

Boys & Girls Club Update

I am getting ready for Day 3 of the new (or re-launched, after being non-existent for 18 months) Boys & Girls Club for Allendale County.  This program will be an after school program (plus week-long camps in the summer) for children ages 6 - 13.  Many of you had asked for an update, so here it is: 

Day 1 (Monday).  Found out at around 1:30PM that there was a mis-communication in what our start date was, regarding kids being bused from schools.  So any children that would arrive would have to be brought by parents.  In this area, with one of the lowest (if not the lowest) automobile-to-household ratios in the state, transportation is a concern.  We still had 28 children show up, which was about what we (me and two volunteers) could handle for 4 hours.  Throughout the afternoon, we had dozens more applications dropped off, and blank forms picked up.  Throughout the afternoon, we had time for homework, reviewing expectations (rules), snack, kickball and other outside activities, then games and crafts back inside.  Worn out.

Location for the Club in Fairfax, S

Day 2 (Tuesday).  Sixty-five children.  Yep, more than double; I hope we don't keep with with the same expansion rate.  Same two great volunteers (praise God!), plus my supervisor was there, and I immediately "deputized" two middle school guys to be leaders.  (I just talked with one of the dads of those boys, and apparently he got home and crashed, since he was so worn out.)  You have to understand that this building is about 3400 square feet, broken up into 4 rooms, so it's pretty tight.  Fortunately the weather was nice both days, so we could go outside.  Unfortunately, we had a handful of children that were left until way after the 7PM closing time.  No parents, no friends, no answer to our phone calls, or no way to come pick up the children.

Those of you who know me will understand that I am big on structure and processes.  So, it's been a little bit of a struggle figuring things out on the fly, especially with so many energetic kids, and parents coming in asking for even more applications (I think we have over 110 or 120 now signed up).  It's definitely tiring on all the leaders, and I would figure that the children would not enjoy it.  But amazingly, these kids want to be here.  Several asked me, "Do I get to come back tomorrow?"  And when I explain that after 3 disciplinary actions, they are suspended from the club, they get sullen and serious.

One dad I talked with last week explained that typically his son would come home from school, do his homework, and then sit around doing nothing.  He would ask his son why he would go out and play.  The response was always, "There is no one out there to play with."  I've heard over and over, and now I see it, that for the most part, there is nothing to do.  There aren't a ton of close communities filled with kids; it's mostly spread out.  There are some rec leagues, but not all kids have the chance to participate (cost and transportation).  There are not a bunch of Wii's and Playstations.  Nothing to do, but sit and wait for the day to be over.

So even though we leaders get worn out, we are committed. We wake up with a renewed energy, knowing that we are providing an opportunity for the next generation.  We are being poured out for the sake of a much-needed ministry.  If kids have nothing to do and that drives them to the Boys & Girls Club, where we have even just a chance to have a small impact on their lives, that is all we could ask for.

Thanks for praying and for asking about what we are doing.  Let me know if you have any questions.  Also, you can bookmark and share the Mission: Allendale page on this blog, to keep up with all that is going on here.

Being a Superhero

Both of our boys, by the time they were around 3-4 years old, were enthralled with superheroes.  This caught us a little off-guard with Elijah, since he always talked about Spider-Man, even though he had never seen the TV show or movie.  I believe that there is something innate in children (especially boys) that makes them want to do awesome things, to solve problems, to be a hero. 

Elijah still is captivated by adventure and heroes.  I've shared before how he loves adventure books (Chronicles of Narnia, King Arthur, etc).  And we need to remember to remind him that Jesus is our ultimate Superhero, who came to rescue us from our biggest problem in life -- our own sin.  Also, he has loved The Action Bible that we bought him for Christmas.  (If you have an elementary-age boy in your life, I would highly recommend this Bible storybook.)

Now, Sender has taken this superhero concept to a whole other level.  Not just satisfied with being a hero with a limited number of abilities, he has decided that he is a Transformer who can turn himself into any Superhero.  Brilliant idea, huh?

While this is OK in the world of pretend, I think that we all like the idea of being a Superhero, and especially the idea of having all kinds of special powers and talents.  The problem with this is that it shows how much we want to do everything ourselves.  Instead of being independent, we need to be interdependent.  God has surely given us specific gifts to bless others, but He has likewise given others gifts they can use to bless us.

Even more, we need to realize that we need to be dependent on the power of the Spirit, instead of being self-sufficient.  Yeah, that's a hard one for me, so let's go back to talking about our kids.

Do you have a child who wants to be a superhero?  That is a great thing!  We should encourage them to do so, as long as it's for the right reasons and in the right ways.  A real hero . . .

• Uses the gifts that he's been given.  You never saw Spider-Man try to take on Superman's X-ray vision. 
• Uses his gifts in order to benefit others, not himself.
• Doesn't seek his own glory.  He just wants to help others.
• Owns up to responsibility when things don't go well.
• Works as a team.  I loved the Justice League.  Even Batman had Robin, and Alfred.

image courtesy of dandeluca via flickr

We can help our kids learn about being a hero by pointing out the heroes all around us in "real-life."  For example, one time when we saw a police officer pull someone over.  I asked them why the officer did that, what he was trying to accomplish.  They said that the police try to catch people who do bad things.  But I corrected them; this isn't the main goal for the police force.  Police officers' goal isn't to get people in trouble; it's to keep people safe.  They try to help the community, and while sometimes this involves removing and giving consequences to people who are a danger to others, that's just one subset of their job. 

Talk to your kids about your heroes.  Who did you look up to when you were their age?  Who do you look up to now?  Why?

I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

9 Chosen Reasons Why I Love Jewish People

I really hope I don't get in trouble for this post.

1. I am Jewish.  That's enough of a reason.  Not only did I go to Hebrew private school for 4 years in New Jersey, and not only did I become a Bar Mitzvah (= "Son of the Commandment") and get lots of gifts at age 13, I also was circumcised at 8 days old.  By a rabbi.  In my grandparents' apartment.
2. All 3 of my kids are, too.  But not Joanna.  Hey, nobody's perfect.
3. Being one of "God's chosen people." Yeah, it's cool to say that.  Except then God reminds me that His people were not chosen just to receive a blessing, but to serve and be a light for Him.
4. Being able to make Jewish jokes, like in this particular Seinfeld episode. I'm known for being cheap, or "thrifty," if you will.
5. Humor + talent = great potential for pranks.  Check out this great political plank.  Apparently, it was just recently discovered that Israeli engineers constructed a Star of David on a building at the Tehran, Iran airport. I was skeptical of whether it was true, but I used Google Earth to confirm it.
6. God's grace.  Over 10 years ago, a friend and pastor heard a Jewish Christian talk about how, like Paul, he wishes he could trade his salvation for the sake of all non-believing Jews (Romans 9:3-4).  I remember thinking that I didn't have this same love for other Jews; I would in no way give up my salvation.  The advice from my friend?  "Pray and ask God to give you that love."  And God answered my request.  Now, I can honestly and tearfully say that if it were possible, I would trade my place in heaven for the sake of my people.
7. Hanukkah.  I love to celebrate Hanukkah as a family, playing dreidel, saying the prayers, and lighting the menorah. (And Passover is another favorite.)
8. Willingness to state and debate perspectives.  Debate is common among most Jewish folks, especially Rabbis and other teachers.  The great part is that it's not taken personally or with a grudge; we give opinions, disagree, and move on (usually with a meal).  For me, I learn by thinking out loud, especially with others.  And it's why I'm not afraid to write about A Different Way.
9. Cheesy humor + theology = the following video.   Of course the video doesn't really tell my story, since when I explored who Jesus was and what He did, it led me to the conclusion that Jesus is the Messiah that God promised long ago.  But this video is clever nonetheless.  (By the way, "Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech Ha'olam" means "Blessed are You O LORD Our God, Ruler of the Universe," and is how Jewish prayers typically begin.)

Comparison of School Options

In this series on education choices for our children, I wanted to give the notes that I collected (mostly from around 5 years ago, as Hannah was nearing school age) from families who were years ahead of us.  Nothing fancy, just the pros and cons that were given to us.  What I like most is that these insights were given to us by families who had each been involved with multiple education options, so they could give a complete and honest assessment. 

image courtesy of arroclint via sxc.hu

Home School

• Advantages

• Simple and good at an early age, with focus on reading
• Can lay and develop a spiritual foundation
• Maturity issue:  you can make sure that they are stable in their identity before being around a lot of kids, so they won’t get lost
• Flexibility with time and vacations
• Great student:teacher ratio, so you can focus on and customize education to specific academic needs
• Great emotional benefits; kids’ love tanks are full because of so much time together
• Children’s primary identity is to family, ahead of peer identity

• Disadvantages

• Be mindful of how you use time; it is harmful to be either too regimented (no one will enjoy it) or too laid back (easy to get off track)
• Need to remember that you still have a life to live, with other roles and responsibilities.  It gets easy to isolate and draw back into the family; need to keep moving towards other relationships.
• Can be challenging to teach multiple kids and ages
• Homeschooling with younger children can be hard; challenge to keep toddlers busy
• Setting stands; it’s easy as a “loving parent” to give kids a bye or overlook things.  In school, if you don’t do the work, you get an “F” – it’s not personal)
• At some point, you need to teach them to be in and to deal with the world

Private School

• Advantages

• Can find a school with the same foundational beliefs
• Smallness and openness; parents can usually come in an out any time
• Often have great academic standards

• Disadvantages

• Parents can get complacent, relying too much on the school, especially for spiritual development
• Cost
• Can be easy to withdraw from engaging the culture

Public School

• Advantages

• Can have an advantage for academics because have many more opportunities, especially at higher grades
• It is good for kids to be around non-Christians before going off to college
• Great opportunity to teach kids to be in and to deal with the world

• Disadvantages

• Can be very trying because of a rough environment
• Hard to go from a small (home) to a big (school) environment
• Children pick up some of their identity from peers
• School is usually not able to focus as well on individual needs

Can you add any pros or cons to any of these options?  


Related Link:

• Why We Homeschool
• Why Private School
• Why Public School
• Homeschool Families: Myths and Lies   
• Response to "A Case for Homeschooling"

Five-Second Rule

image courtesy of flippnjj via sxc.hu

Though not the first group of researchers to study the 5-second rule (where you deem a piece of food edible if it's been on the floor or ground only a few seconds), I have to give it up to our own Clemson University for being part of this important field of study. 

Basically, if you drop food it will pick up bacteria.  But whether those bacteria make you sick is probably dependent on where you drop it.  And let's face it, how many of us have eaten food off the ground or floor, and not gotten sick because of it?

For me, it's not how long it's been on the floor that determines whether I'll eat it.  The determining factor is what kind of food it is.  Twizzler?  Eat it.  Green bean?  Trash it.  Good piece of meat?  Wipe it off and enjoy.  Bread?  Not worth it. 

What do you think?  Do you follow the five-second rule, or throw away any food that touches the floor?