Cease and Know

Note: Yesterday I posted this same blog post on my other blog, but wanted to make sure I updated the readers of all my platforms. 

For the past few years, I have regularly considered giving up blogging. Every three or four months or so, I would wake up, think about all the things going on in my life, and I would be 100% ready to stop blogging.

 And every time, that very same day, I would get an email, or a note, or a text thanking me for having written something that encouraged or motivated them. 

And I would get back to my laptop and hack away at it.

Sometimes those encouragements would be from a close friend, and sometimes from someone I knew casually, and sometimes from a completely stranger. It never ceased to amaze me how God would use my ramblings to help someone else, and to give a voice to the voiceless and an image to the unseen.

But now I am sure that I need a break from blogging. Not just a week or a month, but for the rest of the year (or longer).

The Investment of Blogging

Writing has been good for me, personally. It forces me to think deeply, and to analyze and clarify my thoughts. And then when I get pushback or comments, it makes me think even more deeply and broadly. And it's been an outlet for my frustrations and confusion, whether or not anyone else reads what I write.

But it also has taken a lot of time. The thinking, the writing, the editing, the planning, the promoting . . . it all adds up.

For a long time, this process has been worth my time. During our time in Allendale, blogging was our primary way of keeping our friends and supports informed of what we were doing. For us, regular blogging was better than occasional newsletters.

Now that I'm back in Greenville, working for Mill Community Ministries, and (now) Furman, and (for a while) a school, I don't think my need for a "newsletter" is as great. It's easier to keep people posted of what's going on.

But even more than that, God has been pressing me to consider how I'm using my time. With the two or three jobs I've had, plus some upcoming additional responsibilities, I have to shave off some things that don't directly help me provide for my family.

And speaking of family, I need to spend more time engaging them, and cultivating my relationships with my wife (as we are in the midst of some challenging transitions), daughter (beginning high school in two weeks!), and sons (one of whom is not far from becoming a teenager).

God has also been revealing that I need to do better with how I am engaging my community and culture. I am convinced that I need to spend more time in intentional-discipleship relationships.
Adding time for jobs, family members, and ministry . . . means I have to shave time off somewhere else. And one place I'll try to gain time back is by ceasing from regular blogging.

Giving Up for Good?

Let me be clear. I'm not saying that I'm giving up blogging for good. I'm just taking a break until the end of the year, and I'll re-evaluate then.

I will also be doing some guest posting. But writing 2 or 3 posts a month is very different than 3 or 4 posts per week.

I have lots that I'd love to write about. I have stories to tell, silenced voices to amplify, and images to make known. So, I'll be depending on and looking for other ways to communicate.

Check out my Contact page to connect with me in other ways (social media, website, etc). I may even write an occasional post here if I feel like this would be the best way to communicate.

Heck, this may all be a mistake. I may be missing out on a great opportunity. But I'm trusting that God is leading me in this way. And if I'm wrong, I'll trust that He can make up the difference. (He can.)

Thank You, and Please Help Me

I'm thankful for the opportunity that blogging has given me to get thoughts out of my brain, and I'm thankful for you reading those words and connecting with me.

And now I can still use you. . . . If and as you feel led, please keep me accountable. Ask me if I'm redeeming the time I am gaining back. Instead of using my time to escape, I need to use this extra time to:

• lead and disciple my family
• disciple others on a personal level
• find other ways to be a voice for those who need a voice
• rest and recreate (see sessions 5 and 6 of A Man and His Work)

"Cease striving and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth."
Psalm 46:10

Faith and Work

Every new quarter (much better than a semester format) at Furman University, I felt a pit in my stomach. I would look at all the work listed on my class syllabuses, and feel overwhelmed.

This was the life of a chemistry major (it was kinda' tough) at a liberal arts college (that part was really tough).

Especially my last couple of years, when I had my hardest classes, I realized that I couldn't do it. I knew that I could not make the grades I wanted, while also playing football, all by myself.

It was a time to pray and trust God. And that's what I did. As soon as I saw my syllabus, I would pray for God to help me through the term.

And then was a time to buckle down and get to work.

My New Job

I'm in a similar situation now. Yes, I'm back at Furman, but not as a student. I now work for the university, in a part-time job at the Shi Center for Sustainability. I am the Program Coordinator for the Community Conservation Corps.

The short description is that I help low-income families get free assistance with weatherization for their homes. The shorter description is that I'm a project manager, a set of responsibilities that's completely new to me.

And that's why I'm praying. I have had a lot to learn, in my two weeks of overlap with the previous coordinator (whose last day is today). So that leaves me, and a student worker (who will be done in a few weeks), and my boss (who is on maternity leave).

So that leaves me. And God. (And, of course, a great team of folks at Furman who will do everything they can to help me succeed in this role.)

I'm thankful to be in this role. And I see how my skills and experiences (especially community connections) will add value to this program.

But I almost turned this job down.

The Job Before Me

I applied for the job last month, and was invited for an interview. I was pretty surprised when I received a call a few days later offering me the position. During the interview, I didn't think they were impressed by what I could offer, for what the job needed.

But they made an offer, and I asked for the weekend to talk with my wife and think about it. And I very nearly said "no." I reasoned that . . .

• Project management wasn't what I wanted to do. I thought God was drawing me to work with kids and youth. 
• The 20-hour work week would limit my time with my job with Elevate Youth, and other youth-related opportunities that would come up. 
• The job didn't pay as much as I thought it would.

But by Monday, I knew I needed to take it, and I'm glad I did. And that weekend's sermon from Grace Church was a key part in my decision (Coincidental timing? I think not.)



In hearing this sermon on the miracle of God providing manna, God showed me:

• This was the job He put before me. He might use it to open new opportunities down the road (and of course, He may not). 
• I need to trust God enough to work diligently. 
• I need to be willing to work in a job that I don't necessarily enjoy.  
• I need to look for ways to meet the needs of those around me. And this job is such an opportunity to do that. 

Above all that, God has created a world where faith is required (Hebrews 11:6). This job at Furman, like my years of schooling at Furman, is a way for God to drive me to trust in Him.

As with my teaching job at Lead Academy, God can do a great thing, and it will be all because of His grace.

My Other New Job

In September, I will be starting another new job. I will be teaching a 6th grade math class at Upstate Homeschool Co-Op, where our kids have attended. It's a new class for this co-op, and I'll teach two days per week, for an hour each day, for 24 weeks.

I've got some work to do, if I want to make this class engaging and helpful for 6th graders.

Again, I'll be depending on God for His grace and help.

More Great Teaching 

I've also been learning a lot about work through some other great teaching from Grace Church. A group of eight of us guys are meeting weekly to discuss the material called A Man and His Work. Like the above-mentioned sermon on manna, these teachings come at just the right time.

Here are some of my take-aways:

• God is a worker, and in my work I reflect His image. 
• I need to make money to provide for my family (as I wrote here).
• Skillful and excellent work glorifies God.
• I should provide something or some service that makes the world better. 
• Work shapes character. 
• I need to take Jesus to work, especially by praying through the day.

I look forward to growing in my new jobs (and my "old" one), and for seeing how God works through them, and in me.

Favorite Tweets for May

From my birthday, to my sons and I taking a long-weekend in Arizona -- it's been a good month.

Here are some top tweets from May:

From Others:

@anonbaptist:  Many churches are like the electric plugs in my parent's house: polarized and not grounded.

@MarkMerrill:  Parenting is “heart work.” It’s not just about outward obedience; it’s about the inward attitude of your child. 

@ChalmersCenter:  “Just understanding that our money is God's money, and that He wants us to use it, is powerful.” – Faith & Finances Grad 

@JobsforLife:  “It is a frightful satire on the modern age that the only use it knows for solitude is to make it a punishment..." #NationalDayofPrayer 

@StAugOsteen:  There is no saint without a past, no sinner without a future. Crows can’t hang with eagles.

@RayYarmartino:  If we're still using fax machines by the year 2030 I'm pretty sure our planet gets disqualified from the universe. 

@BruceFowler22:  Proud to have 25 players on the SoCon Honor Roll!! Thankful for the effort our players make to excel in the classroom. #OneFurman 

@ScottSauls:  Never trust a preacher who speaks as if the problem with the world is other people. 

From Me:

I just wore jeans to a job interview. Have I given up all hope?

My son was vacuuming at 7:10 AM. #AcceptResponsibility

No, @discounttire sales guy. I've never thought of getting custom wheels for our 16-year-old minivan. #thanksbutnothanks

"Mr. Espinosa, I thought we weren't going to have any tests or homework after PASS testing?" #wrong

Need a Babysitter? I've Got Just the Girl for You.

Greenville friends --

Let me give a quick plug for my daughter, Hannah . . .

Now a teenager, Hannah has started babysitting. (And more than just her brothers. If you have only young children, don't worry. Your days of paying babysitters will come to an end. One day.)

Part of the reason she likes to babysit is because she loves being with younger children (the picture above is all the evidence you should need). And part of this is to earn money, especially since we are reducing her allowance later this year, to facilitate her independence as we encourage her to work more outside our home.

We have seen how God is growing her into a woman of the Lord. She reflects His image as a nurturer, and she has jumped at opportunities to engage, play with, and lead young children. This includes:

• a 3-year-old in our neighborhood, whom she plays with and babysits a good bit 
• "her" kindergarten students at Clubhouse Kids after school 
• volunteering as an art assistant every week, for kindergarten and 1st grade classes at a local elementary school

She also began taking a babysitting training course through the Red Cross. While she knows a lot of the material being taught, we think taking this class will boost her confidence.

This spring and summer (and beyond!), if you need a fun-loving and energetic young lady to babysit for a few hours, let us know!

How God Is Using My Trials to Teach My Kids (and Me)

I'm in a tough season now, especially with working two half- to full-time jobs. And because I'm in a tough season, that makes it tough for my family as well.

But like with any trial, this lessons from challenging time must not be focused only on myself. Already, God has allowed us to use this opportunity to teach our children some very important lessons, about Providing, Serving, Pursuing, and Being Sharpened.

Teaching My Kids

Providing

I've had great discussions with my children about why I'm working the jobs that I am. More than anything, I need to provide for our family. Work is not always easy, but it is honorable to do it to provide for others, especially when the job situation is not always fun and enjoyable.

Serving

When I asked one of my sons why I took the job at Lead Academy, he said, "Because they needed someone." He's right! I believe in the vision of that school, and they found themselves in an unfortunate situation of needing someone to fill in.

As a former football player who spent more time on the Scout Team (i.e., practice squad) than the game field, I am used to filling in the gaps. I want to be a part of something bigger than myself.

Pursuing

I want to be a constant learner. My natural (passive) self is usually content to stay in the same routines. But I need to regularly get out of my comfort zone, and to pursue new opportunities. And of course, I want my children to do the same. My working this "uncomfortable" job provides a model for them.

Being Sharpened 

One of the main focuses for our family this year is to be sharpened (Proverbs 27:17). Within my first week on the job, I had to go to my bosses for help. I asked for their advice and criticism, because I knew I had a lot to learn.

Was it easy to admit that I don't have all the skills needed, and to hear their constructive criticism? No! It's humbling. And I want my children to see that being humbled is a wonderful thing, because it follows the example of Christ (Philippians 2:5-6).

I don't just need to hear their counsel. I need to put it into action. That in itself is extra work, but it will help me provide, serve, and pursue even more.

Teaching Me

Of course, God has been growing me through these trials, but in a way that caught me off guard.

Recently, (especially dealing with job struggles, or the lack-of-a-job issue) I found myself thinking this, "God has abandoned me. For all I've done for Him, I deserve better than this."

Boom. I froze at the thought. I know better in my head. I know He is loving and faithful. But my heart and flesh were failing me. I felt hopeless, and I felt ashamed of feeling this despair.

The trial I am going through was not causing me to doubt God. Instead, my trials merely exposed my lack of faith in Him.

I'll keep praying for "grace, mercy, and peace" from God (2 John 3). And I'll keep praying for His wisdom (James 1:5). And I know that our faithful and generous God will give me both.

And I know that as I wrestle with God, He wrestles back and wraps His loving arms around me. And when I get through a trying season, God's glory will be made know. How can I say that God is great, if I don't go through trials which give Him the opportunity to show His greatness?

"Can anything ever separate us from Christ's love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death?"  Romans 8:35

Related Links:

• James 1: Grace, Truth, Action  
• Loving My Family: Pursue, Provide, and Protect  

**image courtesy of BigB via freeimages.com

Favorite Tweets for February

Every February brings National Signing Day, when high school seniors officially sign a commitment to play a sport for a particular university, in return for a scholarship.

Not being a great athlete, I never participated in this event.

Oh, well. At least I had these great tweets from the past month.

From Others:

@PlattDavid:  Worship is the adoring contemplation of God as he has revealed himself in his Son & in the Scriptures (Oswald Sanders).

@AnonBaptist:  BREAKING NEWS: Patriots accused of sending Seahawks home with deflated egos.

@ChalmersCenter:  He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the alien, giving him food and clothing- Deuteronomy 10:18

@adamon34:  Jesus made himself less. No person or task was ever beneath Him.

@MacNattie:  I have consumed 9 cookies today. Yolo.

 
@TheFatherEffect:  God gives us abundant Grace. Our kids need the same from us. #TheFatherEffect

@reddawg82:  Props to Coach K for showing respect by wearing a Carolina Blue tie to Dean Smith's funeral. #DeanSmith

CaptainObvious:  If you find yourself falling head over heels, you might be in love. You also might actually be falling, in which case you are in danger. 

FirstWorldPains:  I wish every day started with a “previously on” so that I’d know which of my life’s plot points were going to be important that day.

From Me:

I don't get what the big deal is, but here goes nothing... #NationalSigningDay http://ift.tt/1KedWMY  pic.twitter.com/VRjaLUqqfA

How can you engage your community for the sake of Christ? It may be as simple as getting your nails done. http://buff.ly/16yoJDr 

Person dressed as Statue of Liberty sorta' makes me want to get my taxes done. // But when that person is also wearing a black ski mask ...

My daughter sketched this after hearing Jabba the Hutt was a gangster. I need to introduce… http://ift.tt/16YooKC   

Hannah: "I'll only marry someone who has a better sense of humor than you." Me: "I guess you'll be single the rest of your life."

God answered a HUGE prayer request for us, in an exciting way. I'll be a long-term sub at @myleadacademy, again! 

Not all South Carolina school districts benefit from funding formulas, especially #AllendaleSC. http://buff.ly/1FeEy0u

Tomorrow, my daughter has an interview for her 1st choice of high school. It will be a big change from homeschooling. http://buff.ly/1AFIyCR  

Teaching, Failing, and Learning

"Let not many of you become teachers, my brethren, knowing that as such we will incur a stricter judgment. For we all stumble in many ways. If anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to bridle the whole body as well."  (James 3:1-2)

When James (a brother of Jesus) wrote this letter, I don't think he was referring to middle school math teachers. But I feel the same pressure of responsibility and accountability.

I wrote yesterday (on my other blog) about my new job. Or my renewed job, back at Lead Academy, where I was a long-term sub last fall. Now, I'm back as an even longer-term substitute.

I'll be teaching four classes: 2 sections of 7th grade math, 8th grade math, and algebra. And at the risk of revealing my nerd-ness, I do love math. (I took an extra calculus class at Furman, as an elective. Who does that?)

But it's one thing to know how to do something. And it's a whole other to know how to teach it.

". . . as such we will incur a stricter judgment." 

[Groan.]

Why I Love Lead Academy

Overall, I'm really excited (though nervous) to be back at Lead Academy. The culture of leadership and high expectations at Lead is not common in all public schools (or all private and home schools, for that matter).

I've listened in (literally and over email) on conversations these teachers and administrators have. They are holding themselves accountable to engage and teach the entire student body, from one end of diversity to the other.

Homeschooling has worked great for our family. But for what it's worth, if we didn't homeschool next year, my every intention would be for my sons to attend Lead. Hannah would thrive there, too, but she'll be in high school this fall.

Failure Is Never Final

I heard Rodney Johnson (principal at Lead and a former teammate of mine on the Furman football team) speak at a breakfast the other week. He shared some words that exemplify his philosophy of education:

"We should not treat 'fail' as a four-letter word. We need to help students learn to bounce back from failure."

I know I won't be perfect as a teacher. I will "stumble in many ways." But in those times that I fail, I will bounce back and learn from my mistakes and persist and get better.

It sounds like this will be as much as a learning experience for me as it will be for my students.

If you would, please check out Lead, Again, to learn three ways for how you can pray for me, my family, and my students.

"Intelligence plus character -- that is the goal of true education."  ~ Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.