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Moralistic Parenting vs Heart Change

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about Passing on Your Faith to children. Parents and other leaders must do more than just pass on head knowledge; they also need to model what it looks like to live a sacrificial life. Being a disciple of Christ and living for His Kingdom is always a call to sacrifice.

Additionally, Dale Hudson (yes, it's the second link to his blog this week) reminds us that It's About the Heart . . . Not Just the Head. Watch the video below to here his message:



Elyse Fitzpatrick also gives insight into The Danger of Moralistic Parenting.  We (as a Christian culture) have taught our kids that good behavior is what pleases God. We are "teaching good manners instead of salvation."

Of course, there is nothing innately wrong about teaching moral behavior, but to stop there (or even to make that too high of a focus) is one way that parents, churches, and other leaders can fall short of God's purpose. Either the child will become arrogant ("I keep the rules much better than others do.") or they will make Christianity about good behavior (and say either, "I'm tired of keeping those rules" or "I tried keeping them and failed, so I'm giving up on Christianity").

When you discipline your child (formatively and correctively), be sure to point him to the sufficiency of the gospel, and not his own ability or desire to change his behavior. Don't merely reach his head with knowledge; reach his heart with the gospel of Jesus Christ.


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4 comments:

  1. Vanessa PriceJune 11, 2011 at 9:01 AM

    "When you discipline your child (formatively and correctively), be sure to point him to the sufficiency of the gospel, and not his own ability or desire to change his behavior. Don't merely reach his head with knowledge; reach his heart with the gospel of Jesus Christ."

    Joey, could you please give a brief dialog example of what this would look like? I understand the importance of it; I'm just trying to think through what that would look like in a conversation with a child, and how you transition from discussing the misdeed and the punishment, to the cross. Not being a parent, I don't have a ton of practice with disciplining kids to begin with, so an example of application would help me.

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  2. Joey EspinosaJune 11, 2011 at 10:26 AM

    Thanks for the question, Vanessa. Yeah, I probably should have given more concrete examples. As for general examples, check on the link for "Biblical Parenting vs Gospel Parenting."

    Here's the general gist. When a child needs correction or teaching, the tendency for parents and leaders is to say, "You need to _______ because that is what God wants you to do." While that is true, leaving it there keeps the level at moralism, like Christianity is a list of rules.

    When we do correct/direct a child's behavior (which IS needed) we need to make sure that we couple it with teaching about how we can NEVER be good enough for God, and Jesus changes our hearts (which leads to a change in behavior), and that Jesus paid the price for our sins -- past, present, and future.

    I know that is not a specific example of dialogue. I'm sure my kids will misbehave sometime this morning, and I'll be sure to record how the conversation goes. :)

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  3. VanessaJune 13, 2011 at 8:23 AM

    It's terrible that I'm sitting around waiting for one of your wonderful children to get into trouble isn't it?

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  4. Joey EspinosaJune 13, 2011 at 3:15 PM

    Ha. You don't have to wait long each day. Trust me.

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