A Different Way

Favorite Tweets for February

2012-03-01T05:13:00.001-05:00

It's been a busy month.

This month, based on a suggestion from a friend, I'm not only going to list my own tweets (oh, vanity!), but my favorite tweets from others.

I'll start with great tweets from others:

@JamieTVWM: I told my kids to go outside for an hour. They're acting like I told them to move out to the woods for a year.
@kevinbglenn: "Your theology of heaven is displayed by how you spend your time and your money." Matt Williams @gracechurchsc
@kellyoxford: I just google searched the word "askew" and I would be a full on 100% jerk if I didn't tell you guys to go waste a few seconds and try it.
@PlattDavid: Prosperity theology wrongly exalts God's gifts (things we receive from God) above God's glory (the treasure we have in God)
@epicparent: "The problem with children is that you have to put up with their parents." ~Charles DeLint
@DanDAlberto: "I'll never, ever accept the idea that triviality, mediocrity, and futility are appropriate goals for any human being." - @umairh

Now, some mediocre tweets from yours truly:

Best part of kids going to bed = being able to play the "inappropriate" songs with my wife on Just Dance 3.
"Don't use busyness as an excuse to avoid what God really wants for you." Mike Chibbaro @gracechurchsc
Are diet soft drinks bad for you? http://j.mp/xEQo16 // I'm going back to regular Dr Pepper
"The call to follow Jesus is a call to surrender all." Larry Sizemore, Fairfax Baptist Church
"The central point of the kingdom of Jesus Christ is a personal relationship with Him, not public usefulness to others." Oswald Chambers
We can't fall in love with what we're doing & our successes. We need to fall in love with Jesus. Bill White @gracechurchsc
If I'm burned out & exhausted, it might not be because I'm working too hard for Jesus, but working too hard for others or for my own ego.
At rest time, my 5-year-old decided to remove his clothes & put them on backwards, including his underwear. #KrisKross
Took a 25 minute detour from teaching chemistry to explain to my class that their true identity is not based on their gifts or performance.

A Letter to Our Supporters

2012-02-29T10:49:00.009-05:00

For those of you who have supported us financially over the past 12 months, please head over to my Mission: Allendale blog to read a Thank You Letter.

Have a great Leap Day!

Focus Your Kids on Worship

2012-02-27T04:54:00.000-05:00

God's ultimate goal is not for you or your child to be happy. God's goal is for you to worship Him. He'll even bring about hardships as a wake-up call for us (see Amos 4:6-13).

When my child has either an enjoyable or distressing experience, that is an opportunity to worship. But as a natural creature, he usually misses that (as do we). He focuses on the physical experience, and misses the spiritual. He must know and remember that the physical, emotional, and spiritual realms are directly connected.

As parents, we must work to continually remind our children that their lives are an intersection of the physical, emotional, and spiritual worlds. You can do this by remembering the sequence: circumstances - emotions - worship.

Circumstances. A child's life will be full of ups and downs. The ups include: good grades, meaningful friendships, success in sports, praise on good looks, having money, etc. The downs include: poor grades, unkind peers, perceived lack of talent, stress over appearance, lack of wealth, etc. These are a part of life and must not be casually dismissed. Additionally, as you disciple your children, don't make it your primary goal to create more good experiences, or minimize the bad.
Emotions. Good circumstances (such as listed above) lead to a child feeling happy and fulfilled. Bad things lead to sadness, fear, or anger. Many parents stop at this level, thinking that once you get passed the physical level, then you are able to get to the crux of the issue. But don't stop at engaging your child's emotional reality; help your child understand his or her spiritual reality.
Worship. Beyond the child's physical and emotional experiences, you must get her to understand and engage her spiritual reality. She is a child created in God's image, and she is intended to worship Him. So, when good things happen in a child's life, she will usually feel happiness; in those situations, remind her to praise the One who has blessed her. And when a child sins and fails to trust in God and God's will, she should feel sad. But don't let her remain there; that is the opportunity to remind her to repent of her sin. Praise and repentance are forms of worship.

In summary, there are some common mistakes that parents make in this process:

Focusing on the circumstances of your child's life. There is more to life than the physical reality.
Focusing at the emotional level. Don't stop at this level either. Life is more than physical truths and emotional responses to those truths. (Even demons have emotional responses -- James 2:19.)
Trying to jump straight to worship. This mistake may not be as obvious. In an effort to be spiritual leaders for our kids, we often ignore the physical and emotional realities. But worship is most meaningful in the context of your life's situations.

The next time something good or bad happens in your child's life, and he feels happy or sad about it, be sure to help direct him towards a heart of worship.

(Note, I want to be clear that the purpose of this post is regarding personal worship, not corporate worship. I do think that corporate worship is important, so I've written about responding to my child who didn't want to go to church services. But in this case, I want to address getting to a heart and life of worship.)

Recommend Links:

**image courtesy of lusi via rgbstock.com

Medieval Times

2012-02-23T04:49:00.065-05:00

Our kids have been studying the Middle Ages in school. A couple of months ago, Joanna mentioned that maybe we could go to Medieval Times in Myrtle Beach at some point. She had been when she was younger, and knew that our children would enjoy it.

We found a good weekend, and planned our trip. It was well worth the trip (4 hours from Allendale).

Here are some of the highlights:

There was a promotion that gave us 2 free kids' tickets. Score.
We had hotel points for a free night. Score again.
Tons of great food (soup, bread, half a chicken, rib, pastry). I ate 2 meals, and if we had a way to keep leftovers, we would have.
Not sure why they only had caffeinated drinks and water. Where's the Sierra Mist for the kids? Oh, well. We were on vacation; bring the kids a Pepsi!
No utensils. My kids always love eating with their fingers, against our wishes. This was their dream come true!
I didn't like how they seemed to constantly get more and more money out of you -- photo op ($15), "dungeon" tour ($10), cheap sword toys ($8), etc. But, it's a business.
Great show with lots of action. Besides the fighting, they had entertainment like a trained falcon.
We were assigned to cheer for the yellow knight, and encouraged to boo the "evil" (according to the storyline) green knight.
Not only were the fight scenes well-choreographed, but I was impressed with their skills on a horse. You ever try to hit a 3-inch ring with a 10 foot lance, while galloping on a horse? Me neither, but I'm sure it can't be easy.
One of my favorite parts was when it was all over, and we got to meet the cast. Besides taking pictures, we asked them a lot of questions about their job. They all seemed to love their jobs. One guy was the electrician for when that building was constructed, and now he's been working for Medieval Times for 17 years. Other guys did the same, starting as a squire with no combat or horseback riding, and working their way up to becoming knights.

This last point led to some good conversation with our kids about enjoying your job, and being willing to be flexible with what God might have for you.

It was a fun weekend, and we recommend other families take a trip to Medieval Times.

Related Links:

Our Family Weekend Get-Away
Make the Vacation Happen

Communication and Ministry

2012-02-22T04:54:00.028-05:00

As you may recall, I've done some writing for the Kidmin1124 blog. Though I haven't written as much as I've wanted to, I've enjoyed the opportunity to get some of my ministry thoughts out there to help other church leaders.

Here are the latest two articles I've written:

7 Ways to Frustrate Your Team with Your Communications. "Communicating is more of an art than a science."
Don't Create a Ministry Kingdom. From an experience that I had a few years ago, that showed me a common battleground and division in church leadership.

To see the full list of the articles I've written for this blog, click here.

In Honor of Presidents' Day

2012-02-20T04:25:00.005-05:00

From one of the greatest shows ever . . .

Sender-isms

2012-02-16T04:31:00.015-05:00

Recently, Sender spent a morning at a friend's house in Greenville. The mom sent me these funny Sender-ism sayings from the day:

Upon seeing the folded down "stow & go" seats in the van: "Hey! That looks like a dance floor!!" And yes, they did.

Jumping out of front seat van window Dukes of Hazard style, yelling "waaaaahoooooo!!"

His comment on the peanut butter & jelly sandwich I served for lunch: "Um, did you not know I don't really like peanut butter?"
Me: "Well, your mom told me you eat pretty much anything..."
S: "Well, 'pretty much' "..... (i think if he knew how to use "air bunnies" quotations he would have)

Playing with the girls' dollhouse, asking my daughter, "Where's the potty? They need a boy's potty and a girl's one. They can't use the same ones. We need two. Do you have two potties?"

Glad he was a blast to our friends. He brings such joy to our lives, too!

Explaining Forever to Children

2012-02-15T04:59:00.043-05:00

Grace Church (Greenville, SC) recently completed a wonderful teaching series on heaven and eternity, called Forever. Of course, since we live in Allendale, we stayed up to date with the teaching via the church's YouTube channel.

While this teaching was aimed at adults, there were a number of principles that can be gleaned from it, for parents to teach their children. Here are 9 key points that children should be taught:

"Eternal" means having no beginning and no end. God is eternal.
Heaven is a real place, that will exist for eternity (forever).
This world is not our final destination, but is intended to prepare us for spending forever with Jesus.
All of creation, and all people, eagerly desire for this fallen world to be redeemed (Romans 8:18-23).
Everyone will die one day, and will stand before God to be judged.
We cannot do enough good deeds to earn our way to heaven. The only way to heaven is faith in what Jesus has done for us (Revelation 20:11-12).
In heaven, there will be no pain or suffering.
One day, God will do away with this world, and create a new heavens and new earth (Revelation 20-22).
How we think of eternity will affect how we live today.

Here is the first sermon in this series. You can watch it here, and then follow the link to the YouTube Channel to see the rest of the sermons.

Anything else you can add to this list? What else should we be teaching our kids about eternity and heaven?

If I Didn't Have You

2012-02-13T04:12:00.003-05:00

In time for Valentine's Day, here's great video. This is what happens when logic meets love.

Try these lines . . .

"The affection simply grows over time, like
a flower,
or a mushroom,
or a guinea pig,
or a vine,
or a sponge,
or bigotry.
Or a banana."

And . . .

"I think you're special, but you fall within a bell curve."

Is the Bible Just a Roadmap for Life?

2012-02-09T04:45:00.016-05:00

Especially as we are training children, we often reduce the Bible to stories that put us as the main character. Watch this video, for an example of how this is done with the account of David and Goliath, and to see a better perspective.

The Bible is God's story -- about Himself, and about His redemptive plan and works. As we disciple our children, let us remember to keep God (and God's Son Jesus) as the center of what we teach them.

For more about this project (and the curricula being offered for children, students, and adults), see The Gospel Project.

You can also check out my list of Recommended Children's Bibles.

Signs of Autism

2012-02-08T04:56:00.079-05:00

Due to a combination of factors (see this old post about the HOPE Relay), we have a special place in our hearts for families who have children with special needs. With family members, friends, and our church, we want to love and support those parents and children.

We have had the opportunity to communicate our heart (and proclaim God's love) in these situations, not just to those families affected, but to others as well. In particular, I enjoyed the conversation I had with my son last year, as I was able to explain autism to him, on a level he could understand.

Sometimes, engaging families who have children with special needs is easy, especially when they let you know about the situation. But what do you do when the child exhibits autistic tendencies, but you don't know if he has been diagnosed? (This situation will be touchier in the future, since a New Autism Definition Could Exclude Many.)

I have been involved in a number of situations like this, whether in our church or with the after school program. Sometimes, these children have a diagnosis (like those with ADHD and Emotional Self-Control issues). Other times, we suspected that there was something not being caught by parents, doctors, and/or the school. We want to come alongside the family, and give them the support they need.

Here are some principles that have helped us as we came alongside these families:

Pray. Realize that these families need wisdom, peace, and strength that can only come from the Lord.
Don't diagnose. The last thing a parent wants to hear (especially from a non-professional like me) is, "Does your child have autism or something?" (Yes, I know a church children's leader who said this to a parent, in a public situation.)
Don't generalize. Talk in specific behavioral actions, instead of descriptions. Don't say things like, "He is very wild, and has bad behavior." Explain specific concerns.
Offer support. Instead of giving your opinion of what the parent should do, ask, "What can I do to help you and your child?" Put the burden on yourself.
Sympathize. While you may not be able to truly empathize, try to understand the stress that the family may be under.

I also encourage you to check out this three-part series from The Inclusive Church. In these posts, Amy Fenton Lee answers the question, "What do you do when a child shows signs of autism?"

Part 1. Common Questions.
Part 2. Approach with Caution.
Part 3. Principles for the Approach.

image courtesy of BLW Photography via flickr

What's the Hardest Part about Being a Parent?

2012-02-06T04:38:00.022-05:00

Snuggles are one of the BEST parts

Recently, I asked my kids two questions:

"What do you think is the hardest part about being a Dad?"
"What do you think is the hardest part about being a Mom?"

Here's what they said:

Hardest part about being a Dad =

"Getting up with crying babies in the middle of the night."
"Balancing it all -- work, family, everything. Juggling." (Giving Elijah credit for this one)
"Dealing with kids who play rough and are crazy."

Hardest part about being a Mom =

"Getting up with crying babies in the middle of the night." (Much more accurate for Mom than Dad)
"When the kids throw tantrums."
"When the kids are wild and need discipline."

What about you? What do you think is the hardest part about being a Mom or Dad? Even better, what do your kids say is the hardest part?

Let me know your (and your kids') thoughts in the comments.

Take a Rest

2012-02-02T04:50:00.063-05:00

We all need rest. God commanded Israel to "remember the Sabbath" (Exodus 20:8). As we read through the Torah (the first 5 books of the Old Testament) and the rest of OT, we see that a key part of the Sabbath was not working, not striving to get things done. Hard for a "Type A" personality like me, and many of you.

But a Sabbath rest is not just about doing nothing. Rest is about trusting God with all those things on our to-do lists. Rest is about being able to sit back and give God glory for all that He has done. I think that's what God did on the seventh day (Genesis 2:2). The Lord was setting a model of what it looks like to be satisfied in His own creative, redemptive, and sovereign work.

I'm not good at this. I struggle to lead my family in Living Out the Sabbath. I'm not good at being intentional in my own Sabbath rests.Which all is the equivalent of saying, "I'm not intentional to worship God."

Rest doesn't just happen. Rest is a purposeful activity. Even more, rest is an attitude of the heart.

In 2008, less than 2 years into my job as Pastor of Children & Families, Joanna and I were able to go on a week-long pastors retreat, sponsored by the Pastors Retreat Network. It wasn't a pastors conference, with an agenda of speakers and break-out sessions. The purpose was to rest in God.

It was just what I needed for personal refreshment and for spiritual rejuvenation. With the time difference (Central time) and me being a natural early-riser, I was awake by 5 AM with no alarm clock. I usually had about 2 hours by myself -- with coffee, fruit, my Bible, my journal, a book, and a pen. Two solid hours of silence, 2 hours with God. I never had a week like that before, and haven't since.

I'm looking forward to an upcoming leadership retreat with our church. It won't be pure rest, as we will have teaching and break-outs. But it will have times of rest and times of community, both of which will restore life to my soul.

As parents, we need intentional times of Sabbath rests. We rightly pour ourselves out, but we need to regularly be filled back up by the Spirit of God.

When is the last time you had an purposeful and meaningful time of rest? If it's been too long (as it has with me), be sure to plan one in the next few months.

Related Links:

Making the Vacation Happen
Family Weekend Get-Away

image courtesy of xlibber via flickr

Favorite Tweets for January

2012-02-01T05:11:00.009-05:00

You may wonder how I determine my top tweets of the month. It's a complex formula based on the Dow Jones index, averaged daily temperature, number of re-tweets, and how many pieces of fried chicken I've eaten in the past 60 days.

In south FL, traffic laws (speed, solid lines, turn signals, etc) are more like suggestions.
I survived my first day of high school.
Watching Facing the Giants for the first time. If the acting & script doesn't get significantly better, off it goes.
"Jesus is not going to force you to be a disciple. It's your choice." Larry Sizemore, Fairfax Baptist Church
My wife hates it when I pick up hitchhikers in #AllendaleSC, so I won't tell her what I just did.
First #chemistry lab: 15 students, 6 Bunsen burners, 0 injuries. #goodday
"The greatest need we have is not to DO things, but to BELIEVE things." Oswald Chambers (My Utmost for His Highest)
My evening with my son: pizza, high school bball, drinking hot cocoa, watching baptism testimonies from @gracechurchsc #lifeisgood

Do you have a favorite?

Sender the Entertainer

2012-01-30T04:36:00.031-05:00

Hot Tub + Bubbles = Fun at a Friend's House

Having written about how Hannah and Elijah have grown by our family living in Allendale, I figured I should also write about Sender. After all, I don't want him to be the forgotten third child.

He's always been the most out-going, playful, and energetic of our kids. So, being here has not led to so much of a personality change as it's magnified who he is. In a culture that puts a high value on relationships and entertainment, Sender has fit in just fine.

At the Boys & Girls Club, he's acted as the unofficial mascot, even getting a dedicated portion of the Talent Show just for him. He's tagged along with me when I've stopped by the high school, and he quickly befriends some of the male student-athletes while we're in the gym. He has taken naps with his Zoo Buddy.

He's cute, funny, and (often) giving. He connects with older boys and he schmoozes older girls and ladies (how does he get teenage girls to bring him food and clean up his plate?).

If we lived in Allendale for 10 more years, Sender would be just fine.

Elijah Is Thriving

2012-01-26T05:06:00.040-05:00

He still does like solo, intellectual activities

I wrote earlier about how we've seen Hannah be a nurturer (and then Sender as an entertainer), especially as we've moved to Allendale. And being here, we have seen Elijah (our middle child, and older of our two boys) thrive as well.

Elijah has come a long way since his Rough Start. His personality (along with with his passivity) led him to usually be not-so-enthusiastic about playing sports or with groups of boys. Plus, there were very few boys his own age near our own home in Greenville. It was hard to blame him for just wanting to sit inside the house all day.

But since he started going to the Boys & Girls Club virtually every day in 2011 (starting in April), he has thrived, almost becoming a different person. He got the chance to play with other boys every day, from board games to 4-square to soccer. The physical activity has been great for him.

He has a best friend that started coming to the Club over the summer. Elijah desired to be in the Talent Show every week. No more brainiac introvert! (Well, at least he has moments of not being a brainiac introvert.)

It's fun for me as Dad to have watched his personality change and expand, in a good way. Every man needs community, and every boy needs to start developing that.

Praise God for giving us this opportunity for our family!

Links to Gender Issues

2012-01-25T04:59:00.042-05:00

Following up with the previous posts Nature vs Nurture: Women & STEM and Science and Family, here are a selection of additional articles about issues regarding gender and femininity:

Complementari-what? (The Resurgence). What complemenatariasm isn't (chauvinism and egalitarianism), and what it is.
How 'Modest Is Hottest' Is Hurting Christian Women (Christianity Today, her.meneutics). A response to a new mantra among many Christian women. "Perhaps the phrase’s originator hoped to provide a more positive spin on modesty. I sympathize with that. However, “modest is hottest” also perpetuates (and complicates) this objectification of women by equating purity with sexual desire."
Girls and Math: Busting the Stereotype (Mind/Shift). More thoughts on the ever-constant debate in education about whether intelligence is a fixed gift or a semi-limited capacity or an open potential.

Hannah the Nurturer

2012-01-23T04:46:00.054-05:00

We've recognized in Hannah for a while that she is really great with nurturing younger kids. Whether helping with younger kids in our church, or engaging toddlers in our home when friends come over, or taking care of Sender, she labors to make toddlers and preschoolers feel comfortable. She is very gentle and patient, for hours on end.

But this personality trait is not manifested likewise with kids her own age. She does make friends, but she tends to be more cautious. Part of this may be because she's not always quite sure how she fits in, and that she is examining and evaluating how she might do so. It’s challenging to reach out to others when you feel like an outsider.

I've been concerned for this as we've settled in Allendale. Through conversations with her, I didn't see her dramatically strive to connect with kids her own age, especially at the Boys & Girls Club. She was comfortable for sure, but not seemingly on a mission to engage her friends. Was it because she has felt like too much of an outsider to be hospitable?

But even as an “outsider” one can still be hospitable. Biblically, the idea of hospitality (xenophilia) means "loving strangers." In an isolating place like Allendale, SC, you do have to work hard to reach out. For some here, it’s about earning trust, because they have been taken advantage of by outsiders. And for others, it’s just about being used to doing things themselves, or relying solely on close family.

But the more I observed her, I think it's fine that she doesn't feel the need to dramatically strive to connect. Why? Because to her, being in Allendale and making friends here is really no big deal. The kids look different, and they come from different backgrounds, but so what? Hannah, being a nurturer, just wants to be a kid who hangs out with other kids.

I like that. I like that she sees herself as fitting in with all these new friends in Allendale.

Related Links:

Elijah Is Thriving
Sender the Entertainer

4-Wheelin'

2012-01-19T04:24:00.025-05:00

It was one of those things that, when my kids were little, I never saw myself letting happen. I let my kids ride on a 4-wheeler (all-terrain vehicle) a few weeks ago.

It's not that I was against them. I'm not that panicky helicopter parent, that doesn't want my kids to climb trees and walls. I mean, I know they can be dangerous, but that wasn't my main reason. I was just never into motorcycles and ATV's, and I sure wasn't going to buy one. So I never thought about when they'd have the opportunity to ride one, and if they would want to.

But I'm glad that they had the chance to do so, when we visited with some friends over Christmas break. One of their sons took our kids for slow rides -- Hannah and Elijah through the woods, and Sender around the yard.

Here's a picture of Elijah getting geared up:

And here's Hannah after her ride:

And here's Sender:

Thankful for our friend who was careful with my kids! Nothing too dramatic, but good for the first time. Certainly not as crazy as their Golf Cart Driving.

Summary: Education Options for Your Child

2012-01-18T05:04:00.014-05:00

image courtesy of cienpies via sxc.hu

In case you haven't kept up with the update on my new jobs in Allendale, I am currently investing in three different educational systems:

We homeschool our own children.
I teach two classes at a private school (albeit a non-religious school).
I work for the public school system as a tutor and a coach.

As you can see, I think there is value in different types of education.

Last year, we had a series about different options for educating our children. For those readers who are in the midst of evaluating their options, I hope this series can help.

Remember, there are two main issues to consider. The first is the basic need to educate the child, not just filling him with facts, but to give him the desire and tools to think and learn.

The second issue is that regardless of which option is chosen, we need to redeem education, to focus on how God can be glorified in our lives and the lives of our children.

Any choice we make can be made with fear or with faith. The method is not nearly as important as the motive.

Here are links to last year's posts:

Introduction
Quick Comparison
Home School -- Part 1 and Part 2
Private School -- Part 1 and Part 2
Public School -- Part 1 and Part 2
Response to "A Case for Homeschooling"

Let me know if you have any other comments or questions about these.

A Dream for My Kids

2012-01-16T05:16:00.036-05:00

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: “We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal.”

A couple of Sundays ago, I took my kids to a newly renovated park in Allendale. There were already some children and parents there, including some that we know, on this warm and sunny day. The kids enjoyed playing around and making up games with old and new friends, before we headed back home.

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slaveowners will be able to sit down together at a table of brotherhood.

As we were leading up to this day -- Martin Luther King, Jr. Day -- I used our dinner time conversation as an intentional teaching moment. I explained how great it was that they could enjoy playing with other kids who look so different and come from a different background. Praise God that my kids think this is nothing special, but I reminded them that opportunity wasn't always the norm.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a desert state, sweltering with the heat of injustice and oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I'm thankful for the leadership and vision of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. And I'm thankful that God has given my children the chance to experience the fruits of his work, firsthand.

I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I'm thankful for his dream, and my reality.

I have a dream today.

image courtesy of chelle2008 via sxc.hu

God Still Speaks

2012-01-12T04:24:00.070-05:00

Leading up to Christmas, as I was reading the accounts of Jesus's birth (especially from chapters 1 and 2 from the Gospel of Matthew), I was struck by God speaking to people through visions and dreams. Does it still happen today? I think so.

What are some ways that God still speaks to us?

The Bible (His written word)
Through community and others around us (especially those that follow Him)
Visions and dreams (maybe a little controversial of an idea nowadays, but can we rule it out completely?)
Directly to our hearts and minds

I wrote about this last point about 18 months ago, on Grace Church's Children's Ministry blog. I told the story of how I thought God spoke to Hannah. I figured it was worth re-posting in full here, with some edits.

God Speaks to Hannah
The other week, our daughter Hannah determined that she wanted to clean out a bunch of stuff from her room, to give to Goodwill. Part of it was just for the sake of clearing out clutter, but she also wanted to give to others in order to be a blessing. (Though clearing out the clutter is a blessing in itself to her Mom and I.)

For example, I asked her if she wanted to give her Barbie set to a younger girl that she knows, and she asked "Does Goodwill help people? Like when you buy things there, what do they do with the money?" I said that I think they provide job training, so that people can have jobs and provide for their families. She said that she'd rather the toys be sold so the money could help people.

By Tuesday evening, she had collected a laundry basket FULL of clothes, toys, and stuffed animals, and was planning to gather more on Wednesday morning. Before breakfast on Wednesday, she and I were reading our Bibles (when our schedules allowed, she would join me at the table for her own devotional time). Her verses for the day were 2 Corinthians 9:6-7, which encourage us to give freely and generously, in order to bless others. As soon as she read her verses for the day, she said, "Hey! This is exactly what I've been doing!"

Hannah thought it was a neat coincidence that what she had already been doing (collecting things to give away) was what she read about. I told her that I thought what happened was a huge deal.

How? I explained that I think that it was the Holy Spirit who had spoken directly to her heart days earlier, and that this reading confirmed that it really was something that God wanted her to do.

Sometimes when we have thoughts in our head, we may not always know if they are from us or from God. For the majority of us, most of the clear direction we receive from God is from Scripture and from a community of believers, not from Him speaking directly to us. I rejoiced with Hannah and encouraged her that God spoke to her heart, and that she obeyed, and then God confirmed His words to her.

I have shared with my children the few times in my life that I heard directly from God, when He wanted to give me specific direction. These include:

During the closing days of my athletic career at Furman, in a difficult losing season, I asked God, "Why should I continue working hard? I basically all finished here." Immediately, I heard a voice in my head saying, "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men" (from Colossians 3:23). I later discovered how God used my time on the team to be a testimony for Him to others.
More than 10 years ago, I was serving in a ministry that required hours of work every single weekend (Saturday night and Sunday afternoon), and could often get very monotonous. I asked one evening as I was cleaning up, "God, how much longer will I be doing this?" I heard Him say, "Just pour yourself out. This won't go on forever." Within a year, that ministry opportunity was completed.
Two years into my marriage, I felt like God was wanting something more from me, to be able to pour myself out for a short period of time. The immediate thought was "mission trip," which I had always been set against me doing. But I took steps of faith and God kept opening doors. In March 2003, I went on my first overseas mission trip to Nicaragua, an experience that such a blessing for me.

Don't discount the truth that God still speaks to us. In fact, if you are in a relationship with Him, it should be a regular occurrence. As in this the video in this post, God should be telling us things (as encouragements, commands, corrections, etc).

image courtesy of Evgeni Dinev via freedigitalphotos.net

Total Hannah Makeover

2012-01-11T04:44:00.032-05:00

We were in Greenville for a week last month, which included a handful of doctor and dentist appointments including Sender falsely accusing me of abuse. (And, FYI, all those fillings you get when you're a kid apparently have a shelf life of about 25 years, so I've been having to get them replaced over the last few years.)

Hannah was eagerly anticipating getting her braces off. She's had them for almost 2 years now, and has done a great job taking care of them in that time. We love our orthodontist!

After that appointment, Joanna took her for a haircut. Besides a room cluttered with "decorations" -- like around Christmas and Hanukkah -- one of Hannah's biggest recurring issues is her hair being full of knots. A trim would do her good, we figured.

But when they arrived, the hair stylist asked if Hannah if she wanted to get enough cut off to donate. It was shorter than we originally anticipated, but it looks so cute! And for a great cause (it's the 2nd time she's donated for Locks of Love).

And no more knots (at least for a while)!

Lazy Parenting

2012-01-09T05:11:00.046-05:00

It was a number of years ago, when we had only Hannah and Elijah, when God smacked me in the face with the realization of yet another way I was falling short in my parenting. Hannah must have been 4 years old -- and Elijah 2 -- but I was doing something that showed how lazy I was.

I was parenting them "in the middle."

Instead of considering their individual needs, I was parenting both of them as 3 year olds. In lieu of focusing on Elijah's masculinity and Hannah's femininity, I was blending it together. As opposed to training them according to their unique bent (as many theologians interpret Proverbs 22:6).

I was thankful that God woke me up from this slumber. Though I do still slip back into this laziness (especially now with 3 kids), at least now I can more easily recognize my tendency to do this.

Of course, I'm lazy in a number of other ways in my parenting as well. Working on it.

Related Links:

I Should Be Disqualified As a Parent
My Son Called Me Out
Recommended: Shepherding A Child's Heart (the book I was reading when God opened my eyes to what I was doing)

image courtesy of mommyof9 via sxc.hu

Family Goals for 2012

2012-01-05T05:11:00.002-05:00

Do you or your family do resolutions each year? I like to call them "goals" more than resolutions, and setting them has been helpful for me in leading my family.

Our family had some goals for 2011. Let's see how we did:

Get a new job (even Sender wanted this for me last year), since I did not have one as of the start of last year. God provided one by the middle of the January.
Get to Allendale by April. Check. It was a long 13 weeks of weekly commuting.
Sell or rent house by June. Again, God provided some great friends to rent our house.
Climb a mountain (Hannah's idea, ever since We Took a Hike). We didn't do this, but the kids did go to the beach three times.
Have a 9-day vacation. I realized this a few years ago that I need at least 8 days to be able to unwind. We sort of had this, as we had time at the end of the year to get out of town and relax and have minimal responsibilities. We were in Allendale for 36 hours in the last 15 days of December, with trips to Greenville, south Florida, and Savannah.

Here are some family goals that we have in 2012:

Start giving the kids an allowance. I mentioned this earlier this week, as I gathered feedback from readers and other friends.
Do more Bible memory with the kids. They do some of this with their schooling, but I need to be more involved, and do it for my own sake as well.
A 2-night get-away with Joanna. We've done this every year of our marriage, and need to keep it going. It's a great time to dream, discuss, and plan.
Another 9-day family vacation. Now that I'm aligned with the school calendar with my jobs, this gets trickier. But we need to try to do this. (Hannah still has "climbing a mountain" and "Disney" on her list, but we'll see.)
Visiting some family that we haven't seen in a while, in-state and out-of-state.
Figure out our family's ministry in Allendale. This was the Best Part of My Job in 2011, and we'll miss it. We're looking at doing camps during spring break and summer.
Go somewhere. Honestly, I'm not sure exactly what this means. It's more of a feeling than a goal. But whether it's me going on a mission trip, or taking the family to a new place, I think some sort of adventure is needed. (If you know how much of a homebody I've always been, you'll know that this is pretty odd.)

One advice that a friend gave me recently: for this adventure that we are on in Allendale, be sure to make it fun for our family. Yes, there is work and sacrifice, but I want my kids to remember this as one of the best times of their lives.

What about you? Do you have personal or family goals for 2012?

image courtesy of jcantroot via flickr

Toothless

2012-01-04T04:26:00.008-05:00

Dental Hygienist: "How did you lose your teeth?"
Sender: "My Daddy knocked them out with an axe."

Good thing the dentist knows me. DSS was about to be alerted.

Do You Give Your Kids an Allowance?

2012-01-02T05:27:00.014-05:00

We're thinking about starting this for 2012. We don't want it tied to responsibilities or chores, but just as a way to help give them more responsibility with money. Overall, they are good with the basic principles of money -- they know they need to allocate for Giving / Saving / Spending, but we think they could use more regular "practice."

I'd love to know what you do (or, if you don't do anything at all). You don't need to tell me how much (but you could).

Does it depend on the age of the kids, or do they all get the same? Do you increase each year? What have you taught them to do with the money (as I said, we do Give / Save / Spend, but another friend of ours does God / Others / Self).

Please leave a comment, or email me your thoughts.

Thanks!

Favorite Tweets for December

2011-12-31T07:47:00.000-05:00

So long, 2011! Glad I could remember you in 140 character tidbits. You can too, if you follow me @EspinosaJoey.

(In a friend's truck) My son: "What's this thing?" Me: "You turn it to open the window." Son (trying it out): "Awesome!"
Read about hope & #poverty, art & the #gospel. http://culturallyengaged.com/hope-allendale-engaging-through-art/ #AllendaleSC @withbettereyes
I smile every time I'm in a local #AllendaleSC restaurant & I see the Thank You notes (posted on the wall) from @gracechurchsc students.
Parents, Teachers, and the Community need to work together to improve the schools. http://wp.me/p1MQc9-mm
Jesus the unbound Being was compressed into finite flesh (John 1:1, 14). Bill White @gracechurchsc
I just bought some beer, and I'm about to study chemistry. These 2 things are not related. I promise.
"@katieAhorton: My professor rounded my grade up to an A, even though I missed it by 1.5 points." / Not happening at #Furman.
Best kept secret in Greenville for dinner: Yia Yia's at Night. For real. (And get a coupon from restaurant.com)
Me: "Hannah, you'd like college. You can eat ice cream 3 times a day." Hannah: "ONLY 3?"
I made the mistake of wearing khaki pants and a red collared shirt to Target. "No, I do NOT work here."
#Ikea = Disney World for women
Best part of going to zoo? Seeing animals poop and pee.

"How Old Are You?"

2011-12-22T05:12:00.046-05:00

I love asking little kids how old they are and they respond with holding up the correct number of fingers. But did you ever notice how hard this is for a 3-year-old? What a cruel twist of fate, to have a combination of limited dexterity, but needing to hold up a tricky amount of fingers!

But not when the child is 5. That's perfect number, and simple. "How old are you, little boy?" A whole hand!

Tomorrow, Sender -- our youngest -- will be this perfect age. He was born just before I left Michelin to come on staff at Grace Church, and just before we bought a new house and moved.

And now he's spent most of this past year in Allendale, SC. He has enjoyed everything about this adventure, especially all the new friends. He considers his best friends to be some of the 9 - 13 year old boys at the Club, including his Zoo Buddy.

He brings so much energy and joy to people around him. Even when he's stuck in a tree, he still manages to smile for the camera (see the picture above). He sings, imitates, and dances, and he's been a key part of our weekly Talent Shows.

And I love how he praises and thanks God. So sincere and sweet! His latest consistent prayer goes something like this:

"Dear God. Thank You that I have a Mommy and a Daddy and a brother and a sister."

Sender, we're thankful for you, too.

Related Link:

No Hug for You

They Like Me!

2011-12-21T04:32:00.033-05:00

My Love Language is "words of affirmation." One of my strengths (according to Marcus Buckingham) is "significance." I dutifully track the number of comments, shares, and likes I get on this blog and on Mission: Allendale.

In other words, I feel fulfilled by doing great things and being told how great I am.

In other words, I have a serious issue with pride.

So, you can imagine how excited I was when I left a comment on Jon Acuff's blog post about Wishing your contemporary church would go old school during Christmas. Why? Because I got 9 like's on my original comment, and at least 8 more like's on follow up comments.

Granted, I'm not the author of the blog that gets 1000's of visitors. But I was liked by about 10 people that read his blog. That makes me kinda' special, right?

These are the things that get my juices flowing.

I'm so glad that I'm loved and redeemed by the One who liked me enough to die for me, even when I was His enemy (Romans 5:8).

image courtesy of Stuart Miles via FreeDigitalPhotos.net

An American Girl Hanukkah

2011-12-19T04:37:00.047-05:00

Our daughter, Hannah, has two American Girl dolls. Her first, Kirsten, was a generous hand-me-down from my cousin. Last year, my Jewish grandmother fittingly bought her Rebecca, the Russian-Jewish girl.

A few weeks ago, as our creative little girl arranging her room for the Christmas season, she told Joanna that she needed to do some different decorations for Rebecca, since (as she explained) "Rebecca is Jewish, and many Jewish families don't celebrate Christmas."

I'm not sure what my wife was more concerned about -- Hannah's fatalistic theology, or that Hannah would double the number of decorations in her room.

Either way, I loved Joanna's answer: "Well, I like to think that Rebecca believes in Jesus, so she's a Messianic Jew."

Hannah was quite content with that solution. Crisis averted -- the doll's soul is saved, and Hannah's room only vaguely looks like a scene from Hoarders.

This week, we are excited to be celebrating both Hanukkah (starting at sundown on December 20) and Christmas. Be sure to read the post from last year on Why I Celebrate Hanukkah, to learn why a Messianic Jew like me finds this season especially worshipful.

Happy Hanukkah, everyone!

Christmas: Head to Heart to Action

2011-12-15T05:19:00.050-05:00

via Amazon

I had been working through a theology book (Basic Theology) for the past year or so, reading a couple of chapters per week. Much of it was deep and over my head, but I knew it was worthwhile for my own spiritual growth. When it was done, I posted this status on Facebook:

"Just finished reading a theology book. My brain is full."

A friend, a long-time pastor whom I've known for over 9 years, replied, "The purpose of theology is to move from a full head to a full heart."

I pondered his words for days afterwards. He was right. The goal isn't to just know more about God. It's so that my heart might be more intimate with the joy of Him and of His salvation.

This past weekend I heard another pastor teach, from Matthew 2. He preached on how different people in the Christmas story responded to Jesus' birth:

King Herod was selfish, though he looked spiritual.
The chief priests and scribes were complacent.
The Magi were full of joy and worship.

In comparing King Herod (who lived in Jerusalem) and the Jewish leaders (who should have been the first to know about the Messiah) with the Magi (pagans from hundreds and hundreds of miles away), the pastor added this:

"Proximity to truth is meaningless if that truth doesn't move us to action."

image courtesy of abcdz2000 via sxc.hu

Of all the characters in this event, the Magi could not have been further from the source of the truth. But they followed a star, a small sign in the sky, with eager anticipation.

Theological truth is important, but it must move from my head to my heart. And a full heart will be manifested in my actions.

Yes, the Magi endured, and they were faithful, and they worshiped. But the reason they did these things were because they had joy. They found what they were looking for, and "they rejoiced exceedingly with great joy" (verse 10).

Here's a clip from a pastor from Grace Church, reminding us that Christmas is about acknowledging and humbling ourselves before the true King.

As you continue in this Christmas season, remember to move past your head knowledge of the story of Christmas. Let your heart be filled with joy, and let this joy move you to action.

Related Links:

Sarcastic Parenting

2011-12-14T05:30:00.033-05:00

I love good sarcasm as much as anyone, or more. Probably too much. Unless you get sarcastic with me. Then it's not so funny. (And I wonder why I don't have many friends.)

But something is effective about sarcasm. It catches you off-guard and wakes you up in a way that a flat out lecture doesn't.

I've heard and read plenty of parenting advice, and I try to pay attention. But these links caught my attention because of how they present themselves, right from the titles. I think you'll enjoy them, too:

5 Ways to Raise Ungrateful Children. For all that we teaching our children, are we forgetting to teach them to have thankful hearts?
Give Them What They Want. From a great series by Sam Luce, where he drew parenting principles from the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (or, for the purists, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory).
5 Ways to Make Your Kids Hate Church. If you are only going to read one of these articles, make sure it's this one.
5 Dads I Want to Punch in the Face. I hope Chris Spradlin really wouldn't punch these dads in the face, but you will enjoy this post and many others on his site, EpicParent.tv.

Birthday, Anniversary, and Mentor Weekend

2011-12-12T04:48:00.058-05:00

We had a great weekend. Let's re-cap:

Birthday. Elijah turned 8 on Saturday. I love this boy so much! I love watching him learn, build, and create. I love that he has a best friend at the Boys & Girls Club in Allendale. I love that for all that he knows and is serious about, that he's also still a kid who loves to play and laugh. I'm So Blessed to Be His Dad!

Anniversary. Yesterday, Joanna and I celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary. Besides going to Savannah (see more below), we didn't do anything really special. But I am reminded how grateful I am for My Excellent Wife.

The past couple of weeks, one of the staff at the Club has been out a good bit, due to a family situation. With 45-50 kids each day, and only 2 remaining staff, I've needed her there. So, for most of the past 2 weeks, she has been educating our kids all morning, and serving at the after school program (until at least 6pm) every afternoon. Joanna is my partner, and I could not do this without her. (For a great article on marriage, read The Truth About Marital Compatibility from The Resurgence.)

Mentoring. We took a quick trip to Savannah to see a family that has been mentors for us for a number of years. The husband was my boss for 4 years, and personally mentored me for at least 2 years before that. The wife has poured into Joanna since before Hannah was born (10 years ago). And, to make the circle complete, Joanna and Hannah were at their house 8 years ago, the day that Elijah was born. (Joanna left her place just after lunch, and Elijah was born at 3:25 PM.)

Since we're in the midst of a job change in Allendale, this trip to see these mentors was timely. We enjoyed "downloading" all that has been going on with us, and getting feedback. We appreciated how they loved on Elijah with brownies, ice cream, and a gift. We were thrilled to serve and worship alongside them on Sunday morning.

One of the biggest encouragements we received from them was something they said that was not in a structured teaching moment. We were sitting around the table eating lunch, and our children were chattering away about all the "important" stuff on their minds. Joanna and I tire pretty easily of their constant talking, and maybe you parents understand this, or maybe you are a lot more patient than we are.

But, in the midst of all this, these mentors (who, in less than a year will have only one of their three children still at home) said, "We miss this." What?! "We miss our kids being around the table talking, with everyone enjoying each other."

We saw and felt what they had enjoyed, and now were now missing. And we were encouraged and challenged all at the same time. Though we are often tired and frustrated and impatient with our children, we need to cherish what we have for now. It won't be long before it's gone.

If you are an uptight worrier and planner like Joanna and I are, be sure to slow down, and to step back. Enjoy the moment with your children and of your children. Unlike with Christmas shopping, there are no returns in parenting.

Related Links:

"You Smell Like Beef and Cheese! You Don't Smell Like Santa."

2011-12-08T04:57:00.017-05:00

I figured there is no better way to start off a post about Santa Claus then a quote from Buddy, everyone's favorite elf.

One of the most popular series of posts on this blog was not even written by me. It was an interview I did of some friends about their views of Santa Claus. You'll want to read (or re-read) "Questions for a Santa Family" -- Part 1 and Part 2. Also, be sure to read Don't Kill Santa Claus.

For a more humorous take, watch the video below (from the makers of Why First Time Moms Lose Their Minds).

What do you do with Santa? Has that changed over the years? Let us know in the comments.

The Social Media Habit

2011-12-07T04:12:00.045-05:00

I've written before about the lure and danger of virtual friends. Here are some more links that go along with this topic:

Is Social Media Ruining Students? A great info-graphic.
Owning Your Social Media Habit. Practical ideas, such as quantifying and setting boundaries.
Anatomy of a Fake Quotation. Example of how easy it is to follow anything we read on the web.
Is a Twitter a Waste of Time? A little off-topic here, but I was excited to know that I'm in the 5% of users that have more than 50 followers. Yay me! (@EspinosaJoey)
Email Charter. Something I need to try to follow more.

And for the grand finale, here's a video from three years ago, which means (in tech years) it's waaaayyy out of date. But still dang funny.

After watching the video, let us know in the comments. What do you hate about Facebook?

I'll go first in the comments.

Is My Slow-to-Respond Child Being Disobedient?

2011-12-05T04:55:00.052-05:00

I recently received a question from a friend of mine, a mom of two boys -- one is 2-and-a-half years old, and the other an infant. She and her husband have been diligently training their older child to obey, but had a practical question about this. With her permission, I am sharing the situation (paraphrased for brevity), and my response.

“Our biggest issue with disobedience now is [our son] taking his time to obey when we ask him to do something. Would you consider this defiance? And if so, what practical methods should we use to discipline him – spanking, time-out, warning, etc?”

So, if a child is doing what we ask of him, but on his timing, is that obeying or disobeying? Great question, and is an issue that we've had to deal with many times over.

Don’t Ask, DO Tell

Be careful about how much you “ask” your child. I distinctly remember being taught this principle, before I was even married, by a man who was discipling me. Our heavenly Father doesn’t ask His Son (or any of us, His children) or His servants to do things. He gives commands.

Of course, we must be careful to not continually bark commands with gruffness, but we must not fool our young children into thinking that they are part of a democracy. A young child (especially through age 5 or 6) must be taught to submit to authority, as discussed in my previous post The Phases of Raising Boys.

Be Clear
When you do give a command to our child (or, even when you do ask them to do something), you must be sure that you are clear in what you expect. For a young child, “Clean up your toys” can have many interpretations. Better is, “Put your blocks in the bucket, and put your books on the shelf.”

Here are some tips to giving clear commands to a young child:

Be simple. Don’t overload his brain with a string of commands. At a young age, one or two steps at a time is age-appropriate.
Make eye contact. Lazy as I am, I'd rather call out a command from 15 feet away, even as I am walking out of the room. But I need to make sure to speak directly to him, including making eye contact. Train your child to look at you when you are speaking to him. It’s a life skill that will pay off his entire life.
Have your child repeat your command. If she can recite back what you told her, you know that you have been clear. You can have her repeat the command verbatim, or even better is to ask, “What are you going to do?” and let her verbalize it in her own words.
Manage your expectations. Simply enough, know what your child is capable of, mentally and physically.

If you are not clear in you directions, it is harder to make a case that your child is being disobedient.

First-Time Obedience
I’ve learned from authors and speakers such as Tedd Tripp (Shepherding a Child’s Heart), James Dobson (The New Strong-Willed Child), and Ginger Plowman (Don’t Make Me Count to Three) that we need to say what we mean and mean what we say. But we often can confuse our children by training them to ignore our directions. How?

When the norm for your parenting is having to repeat directions 2 or 3 or more times, the child is learning to ignore your first command. He knows, “Mom doesn’t mean it this time. She always says it a few times before getting really mad.”

Ironic, isn’t it? We parents give mixed signals to our children about what we expect of them, and then we they don’t meet our expectations, we get frustrated. We cause our own angst!

Obedience is more than doing what one is told. A better principle that we need to train our children in is submitting to authority. Obedience is a physical and mental issue – hear what is said and do it. Submitting is a heart-issue. You can make your child obey, without reaching his heart. But God is concerned about the heart.

A Language for Heart-Level Obedience
Here is some language that I’ve (ahem) “borrowed” from other books and resources, that have helped us remember how to train our children in what true submission looks like. To obey at the heart-level, a child must obey . . .

Quickly, Immediately, and Happily
All the Way, Right Away, and With a Happy Heart

Pick which language you want (or any variation that works for you), and go with it. If your child violates any of these three principles (like by taking his time, or by stomping away grumpily), there must be consequences, for the purpose of training him in righteousness.

So, in the case of our toddler in question, if he has received a clear command that he is capable of obeying, and since he did not obey immediately, then he is acting in defiance against you. According to biblical wisdom (such as found in the book of Proverbs), he is not being childish, but foolish. This foolishness and rebellion of the heart must be addressed.

What do you think? What advice would you give this mom?

image courtesy of hoyasmeg via flickr

6 Posts (and 1 Song) to Help You Get Ready for Christmas

2011-12-01T04:40:00.049-05:00

When does the Christmas season begin? Some people love Christmas music at the beginning of November. Others only want to here it after Thanksgiving.

Me? I just like to watch both sides argue.

But regardless of which of these camps you fall into, we are definitely in the Christmas season now. So, here are some thoughts from last year to get you ready for Christmas:

Twelve Christmas Traditions. Hmmm . . . A few of these may not make the list this year (like waking up in our own house on Christmas morning).
Angels Are NOT Wimpy. One of my biggest Christmas pet peeves.
What Christmas Means to Me. A revelation I had 13 years ago.
Life of Jesus. A video from a couple of years ago.
Merry Christmas. Links to a few articles about the phrase "Merry Christmas."
Jesus Is Still Immanuel. What does it look like for us to be "incarnational" like Jesus?

One song in particular that was meaningful for me last year was The First Noel. I picture myself as one of the people in the Christmas story -- the shepherds, the wise men, or whoever. What would it have been like to have seen a sign, and then meet the Savior as a baby (or for the shepherds to meet the angels)? Here's a great rendition of this song:

Be worshipful as you prepare for this season.

Related Link:

Christmas: Head to Heart to Action

image courtesy of Schlottie via sxc.hu

Favorite Tweets for November

2011-11-30T05:18:00.007-05:00

You can follow me: @espinosajoey

A Culturally-Engaged weekend for us in #AllendaleSC. It was about friends, candy, and, ultimately, the #gospel. http://wp.me/p1MQc9-iq
Fried chicken from Clara's (#AllendaleSC) = Food of the gods
Mural at Pink Garden, #AllendaleSC. Just about done in only 2 hours of work. @GraceChurchCE http://twitpic.com/7butcv
Heading to a men's breakfast with Vision Ministries in #AllendaleSC. Thankful for the fellowship from this church.
I made my son laugh so hard and continuously at dinner that he fell out of his chair twice, and he snorted. #ftw
Physical activity impacts overall quality of sleep: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/11/111122143354.htm#.Ts699aj2ohI.twitter / Or, "Why we should play football on Thanksgiving."
"It is the work that God does through us that counts, not what we do for Him." Oswald Chambers
Enjoying my Kenyan Javahouse coffee, courtesy of @Cristinmic. "I will bless those who bless Joey." (Or something like that)

Which is your favorite?

4 Effective Consequences for Disciplining a Young Child

2011-11-28T04:55:00.087-05:00

Making disciples of children (I agree with this article that "making disciples" is a better term than "parenting") looks different depending on the stage of life. For the purpose of this post, we'll consider a child that is under age 5 or 6, i.e., the stage in which he must learn to submit to authority.

When their children are this young, parents often overemphasize "leadership development" in their training. The truth is, a child cannot learn to lead unless he first learns to follow.

Parents must be proactive in teaching their children to willingly submit to authority (more on this in a future post). But, when a child fails to follow God's command (such as Ephesians 6:1 "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right."), there needs to be consequences.

Remember that the purpose of consequences and discipline is not to bring about punitive punishment, but the goal is life change. Having said that, here are 4 practical consequences for training your young child to submit to authority: warnings, loss of privileges, time-outs, and spankings.

Warnings
Be careful about warnings – how you think about them, and how you use them. A warning like, “You had better start cleaning up before I count to 3 . . .” actually trains the child to ignore your first command. Avoid those types of warnings.

Additionally, avoid making empty threats. I’ve made this mistake before. When my daughter was about 3, we were all at a social function. It was time to leave, and I had told her two or three times to come to our vehicle. Finally, I half-jokingly said, “Hannah, if you don’t come now, we’re going to leave you.” Joanna (rightly) called me out and reminded me not to do that. You need to say what you mean and mean what you say.

However, a warning can take the form of pulling your child aside and saying, “Your behavior is not right. You are being rude [or selfish, rude, destructive, etc]. You need to rethink the path that you are on, and make some better choices.”

Loss of Privileges
The amount of freedom and privileges a child (or an adult, for that matter) should have should increase with his proven responsibility. This principle is known as “parenting inside the funnel” and can be explained by the parenting video in this post.

When your child fails to be responsible with the freedoms that she has, her privileges should be reduced. As discussed in Teaching Stewardship, you need to lead your child to the level of responsibility (and freedom) that she is mature enough to handle.

You can read more about this concept in a previous post about us taking away our kids' Legos.

Time-Outs
When your child is exhibiting foolish behaviors and attitudes, it is wise to pull him out of the situation for a moment. Giving him a time-out gives you the quietness you need to speak to his heart and head, and allows him to feel the discomfort of isolation. Additionally, what your child may need is a few minutes to “cool his jets.”

The duration of a time-out should vary based on the age of a child, and according to her temperament. Be sure to include an intentional heart level conversation at some point during the time-out, to ensure that the child understands the reason for and purpose of her being isolated.

Spankings
The topic of spankings will definitely bring out strong opinions on both ends of the spectrum. The purpose of this post is not to give a full discourse on this issue. But I will say that we have used spankings as a disciplinary tool, and I disagree strongly with those who say that spanking is always wrong.

Here’s what we need to remember: Rebellion must not be taken lightly. We need to remember that training our children is not about us, and about our own position of power. This is about a God-ordained responsibility, that parents are to lead their children. So, when your child defies your command, he is not just rebelling against you, but against God.

This is that serious. Do not shrug-off the seriousness of a child’s rebellion and foolishness against God. Your job as a parent is:

To help expose that rebellion,
To help the child realize his sin and rebellion against God
To lead your child towards the Cross, to help him trust in the grace and sufficiency of Jesus.

Without going into the details of the methodology of a spanking, I know that nothing gets my child’s attention like a spanking. The point of a spanking is not to vent my frustration, and it’s not a punitive action. The point of any method of discipline (such as a spanking) is to use a physical reality (pain or discomfort) in order to expose a spiritual problem (sin). A spanking is usually the most effective way to help a young child understand the seriousness of his sin.

Do you have anything to add to these types of consequences? Let us know in the comments.

Related Links:

image courtesy of stay4while via sxc.hu

Happy Thanksgiving

2011-11-24T04:04:00.016-05:00

Wishing a Happy Thanksgiving to all my readers. Hope your day is filled with joy. For most of us, it will include one or more of these F's"

Family
Friends
Food
Football

We're glad to be back in Greenville with family and friends. Looking forward to worshiping with Grace Church on Sunday.

And for the record, tomorrow is Joanna's birthday. 29 and holding!!

Enter his gates with thanksgiving;

go into his courts with praise.

Give thanks to him and praise his name.

For the Lord is good.

His unfailing love continues forever,

and his faithfulness continues to each generation.

(Psalm 100:4-5)

Science and Family

2011-11-23T04:29:00.059-05:00

Having written about Nature vs Nurture: Women & STEM, and getting some feedback from friends and other readers, I have continued to be intrigued about this topic of women working in the field of science.

And I'm not the only one. Here's a list of articles that give more insight into this topic:

Women's Quest for Romance Conflicts with Scientific Pursuits. A woman's pursuit of romantic goals may be due to environmental cues, innate design, or personal choice. But in any case, the more she she wants to be romantically desirable, the less likely she is to show an interest in math.
Many Top U.S. Scientists Wish They Had More Children. Interestingly, while more top female scientists wanted to have more children, the life satisfaction of the male scientists was more significantly affected.
Women Aren't Becoming Engineers Because of Confidence Issues. According to this study, it's not that women don't become (or leave) engineering because of wanting to start a family. It's more related to the confidence they feel. While we can't pinpoint where that lack of confidence comes from (nature vs nurture plays a role, I'm sure), one thing that may help is bringing practicing engineers into college classrooms to share their experiences.
Nature and Nurture Work Together to Shape the Brain. Now here's a theory I can get behind. Who we are (and who we become) is more than our DNA, and it's more than our environment. "Our genes and environment work together to influence brain development throughout a lifetime."

When it comes to decisions about life, career, and family, there so many factors involved. But ultimately, it's about choices. And once those choices are made, you never get to rewind the clock. You pray, seek counsel, and make the best decision you can.

This was the case with me. In 1999, as I was getting my Master's degree in chemistry, I turned down an opportunity to pursue my PhD. I thought that was the best choice, and felt at peace about it.

But that I made the right choice was confirmed one Saturday morning in the spring 2004. I suddenly hit me that if I had gone for my PhD, I would just around then (at the earliest) be finishing my degree. While Joanna and I would probably still have gotten married, I knew that my life would have looked significantly different.

I looked at my life at that point, with my wife of 4.5 years and my two great kids, and I knew that I made the right choice.

Related Links:

Why I Wanted to Become a Chemist
Links to Gender Issues
About (from my Mission: Allendale blog)

image courtesy of LindsayT via flickr

Losing Privileges Can Hit You Like a Ton of Bricks

2011-11-21T04:54:00.075-05:00

We had to do it. As much as we love watching our children create with Lego bricks, we took them away a few weeks ago. Our kids were crushed. If you saw their reactions, you'd have thought that we were going to make them march in the Cooterfest parade completely naked. Yes, it was that traumatic.

Packed Away

They hadn't been very responsible with their Lego collection, leaving pieces all of the living room floor (and coffee table, and flower pots, and . . .). In fact, they weren't taking care of other toys as well, from American Girl dolls to trains, from stuffed animals to action figures. They weren't being good stewards of things that ultimately didn't belong to them, since the truth is that nothing actually belongs to them.

Even more, they were being selfish with Legos. They repeatedly failed to share, and saying things like, "Those are my people." Basically, they were treasuring these Legos over their siblings. As loving parents, we could not let them continue to do this. We are trying to teach them to love people over possessions.

(And you know it's bad when they start manipulating Biblical principles to get what they want. Sender, particularly, likes to grab toys from his siblings while yelling, "It's not yours. It's God's!" I have to remind him that that principle is supposed to remind him to share with others, not to be selfish.)

As I wrote in Teaching Stewardship: Practical Application, we felt it was best to take away their Legos for a time. This act of discipline was not for punitive purposes, but for the goal of change. And not just a change of behavior, but to reach their hearts. If their hearts are broken, sorrowful, and repentant, their attitudes and actions will follow (Luke 6:45).

We explained that we'd remove these toys for an unspecified period of time, until we felt that they could be responsible and generous stewards. We need to make sure that their privileges match up with their level of responsibility.

How's it going? Well, a week later we let them play with the Legos again, but they quickly went back to their selfish ways. Back to the storage bins went the Legos. We'll try again soon and keep talking with them about "considering others as first" (Philippians 2:3).

Or, we'll just hold this bin of toys and re-gift it to them on Christmas.

Have you ever had to take away privileges or possessions from your children? How did it go?

Related Link:

Two Videos for Practical Application (see the video about "parenting inside the funnel")
"It's Not Fair!!"
4 Effective Consequences for Disciplining a Young Child

Things to Think About and Do for Thanksgiving

2011-11-17T04:40:00.002-05:00

Here are some links and resources, as you prepare for the Thanksgiving holiday.

Seven Things to Do With Your Family This Thanksgiving. Agreat list from Vision Forum.
The 1st Thanksgiving. Making a time-line with your kids. I'm not into crafts and activities very much, but you may be.
Desiring God Teaching. A list of past sermons by John Piper.
Family Matters. Principles and practical ideas to help Thanksgiving be a time of thankfulness, not stress.
Overview of Some Books for Thanksgiving. You could buy them in time for next week, or maybe find them in your local library.

Do you know of any other suggestions or resources?

image courtesy of monmart via sxc.hu

A Zoo Buddy

2011-11-16T04:45:00.055-05:00

Last Saturday, our family went on a trip to Riverbanks Zoo with 32 others from Allendale -- 27 children and 5 adults. The event was sponsored by Radius Church in Lexington, SC (I've known the student pastor since he was in middle school).

This pastor and four others drove down, leaving their homes at 6:30 AM, in order to ride on the school bus with the Allendale kids. While additional members from the church met us at the zoo, the bus ride gave them an additional opportunity to connect with the children and leaders.

It was Hannah and Sender's first time on a school bus, and Elijah's second, as he and I rode to a game with the football team a few weeks ago. Sender had his own personal "Buddy," a middle schooler from the after school program. They crashed out on the trip home.

For many kids, it was their first time to a zoo, and we were also treated to a box lunch from Chick-fil-A. Oh, the joys of civilization!

Here are some links where you can see other pictures and thoughts from this day:

Zoo Guests. From the Radius Outreach blog. The commenter Sheila Leath is the principal from Allendale Elementary School.
Radius Students. The same zoo pictures as above, but I was impressed with all that these group of students are doing to engage their culture.
More pictures (on my Facebook page). Disclaimer: Some of these were taken with my camera by one of our Allendale kids.

Thanks again to the leaders and volunteers from Radius Church for making this trip happen!

And just for some more of Sender's thinking, he said his favorite animal was the "koala with the rag on his bottom." Upon further question, we figured out that he mean the (red-bottomed) baboon.

My Son Called Me Out

2011-11-14T04:21:00.081-05:00

For all that I love about my job, there are some challenging aspects which have caused us to adjust our family's routine. In particular, our evening schedule is different than it was a year ago.

When I had a "regular" job, we had a normal schedule of: get home from work, dinner, play, bathe kids, put kids to bed -- with it all concluding by 8 or 8:30 PM.

However, since I do not get home until 7:30 or later, we typically rush through dinner and bath times, and even playing one short game with our kids means a bedtime of 9PM. Not only are they worn out by then, but so are Joanna and I.

I can't say enough about My Excellent Wife, how she pours herself out all day. She home schools in the morning, serves in the after school program every afternoon, to maintaining the home, gives rides to kids and volunteers, keeps in touch with friends, and more. She is full-speed all day.

But me, I've been realizing how much of a slacker I've been. After dinner, I am more apt to relax, or go through paperwork, or (more typically) check my email or Facebook "one more time." You know, I'm that important that someone might need me ASAP.

The truth is, the people that need me the most are not the ones I talk to over Facebook and email. They're the ones in my own living room.

I'm constantly amazed how I push aside my own family during the final hours of the day. Sometimes I go into my world of self out of an escape from the days troubles. Sometimes it's out of pride or misplaced priorities. But usually, it's just laziness.

My 4-year-old son helped me see this recently, as I was putting him to bed. He had a little bit of a cough for a few days, and just before I was about to leave his room, he said,

"Daddy, will you pray for my cough?"

I overlooked the most important thing to him at the moment. No, not just feeling better, but knowing that his Daddy cares. In fact, I couldn't remember the last time I prayed with and for him at bedtime. The same with my other kids.

I'm usually in such a rush to get them in bed, so I can get some "me-time." But is the 10 extra minutes of "me-time" worth them thinking I don't care? Is it worth not investing in them physically, emotionally, and spiritually?

Of course not.

I'm thankful for the grace of God, that He is going to work in my kids' lives, despite myself. I'm thankful that He used my young son to call me out, to remind me that I need to be leading and loving my family.

Related Links:

Sender's Thanksgiving

2011-11-10T03:26:00.004-05:00

Our 4-year-old (5 next month!) loves to pray before meals. Here's the latest of what Sender has been thanking God for. Don't you love a 4-year-old's sweet and sincere prayers?

Peace and sleep
Jesus dying on the cross
Helping me lose two teeth
Mommy and Daddy helping kids with homework at the Club
Our family being in Allendale

And has been doing great sitting still in the pews during our worship services at church. (It's far different than what he was used to at Grace Church's Children's Ministry.) He likes to copy words from the screen, hymnals, Bibles, etc onto the church bulletin. And when I preached at a small church in Allendale the other week, he sat right next to me until I went on stage. Somehow, it felt really comforting.

But before you think he's all super-spiritual, here's another conversation that he and I had recently:

Me: "Sender, do you want a hamburger or hot dog for lunch?"
Sender: "I want a hot dog. . . A wiener. . . A long one. . . . I want a long wiener."

Joanna can only shake her head.

Related Link:

What My 4-Year-Old Son Has Been Praising God For

KidMin Articles and Radio Show

2011-11-09T05:02:00.089-05:00

When I laid out my New Plan for the Blog, I mentioned that I would start contributing to KidMin1124, a site for leaders who volunteer their time in children's ministry. As an author, I hope to share from my experiences as a children's pastor. As a reader, I have learned some great perspectives and ideas from the other contributors.

Here is a list of articles that I have contributed to this point, and I hope to write about two each month:

Additionally, I had the privilege of taking part in a radio show hosted by the leaders of this website. The topic was Child Discipleship, a topic that has been on the forefront of our minds in Allendale, as we are trying to hone in on our ultimate purpose.

You can listen to the hour-long program here, or on the KidMin1124 site. (I had some technical difficulties early on -- the joys of Allendale infrastructure!)

Some key points:

Discipleship is possible (and is necessary) in children's ministry, though the practical applications may differ from discipleship of teens and adults.
Discipleship includes a combination of Biblical Teaching, Caring Relationships, and Good Deeds.
Discipleship of children is accomplished best when a group of people is working together, coming alongside the parents. The parents are the primary agents of discipleship, and we must help give them credibility in the eyes of their children, especially as they get older.
Churches need to make sure that we are partnering with and equipping parents, instead of focusing solely on what happens inside the church walls.
We need to create a top-down culture of discipleship, from Staff to Coaches to Volunteers to Children.

Bible Islands

2011-11-07T04:24:00.037-05:00

My children love playing video games. No surprise there, since most kids do. We have a Wii, but they also like playing a variety of games online.

Of course, not all games are equally appropriate, and even games within the same website can vary in the maturity of their content.

Recently my kids tried out this new online game site, Bible Islands. In collaboration with organizations such as Thomas Nelson Publishing and Answers in Genesis, the developers of this site have created a kid-friendly game that combines Bible-learning, cognitive skills, and adventure.

The targeted age-range is 4 to 8. There is a fee to play (with discounts for longer-term subscriptions), but you can get test the waters with a free trial. Click here to get started with your account!

Once you try it, let me know what you think, and if you have any questions.

Boys to Men

2011-11-03T05:42:00.001-04:00

Would you trust this guy?

The other day, I asked my son Elijah, "What makes a boy a man?"

He answered: "Responsibility."

Love it. Has he been listening to the teachings from Men's Roundtable? According to the teaching from this material, a real man is one who:

Rejects Passivity
Accepts Responsibility
Leads Courageously
Expects God's Reward

Related Links:

Two Videos for Practical Applicaiton

2011-11-02T04:14:00.029-04:00

Parenting

Concepts: Two of my favorite parenting principles is to think about stages, and to parent inside the funnel.
Application: Register for the Future Women event.
Read More: Future Women

Fastzkie Support

Concepts: Mike and Shannon Fastzkie are engaging the culture in Eleuthera.
Applications: Support this family financially.
Read More: Poverty: Allendale, Bahamas, and the Gospel

Favorite Tweets for October

2011-11-01T10:46:00.000-04:00

You can follow me on Twitter: @EspinosaJoey

.@joshuaesc @SCStateFair Haiku submitted. What do you think? http://scwordsmith.com/2011/09/26/its-fair-haiku-season/
My Amazon wish-list is growing faster than my budget, and my allotted reading time.
5 Things Better Than an Obedient Child. / Great post for #parents. http://bit.ly/oI4HcW
#YomKippur. I will be fasting today, in between meals. http://t.co/X0UbrxBV
Marvin Love & @jdkeever are opposing captains in kickball. This might be the end of relationship btwn @gracechurchsc & Vision Ministries
"Purity is something far too deep for me to arrive at naturally." Oswald Chambers
Hannah & I are at the school's Student Council induction ceremony. Almost half of the council are kids fr the Club. http://twitpic.com/7368lm
My daughter, at the state fair: "You can get deep fried ANYTHING here!"

Being Meek and a Peacemaker

2011-10-31T03:38:00.075-04:00

My kids struggle with wanting to get their way. Not sure where they learn that from. Just kidding. Of course, that's inherited on the X chromosome (from their mother).

Sometimes, this selfishness is manifested in them claiming “their” Legos. Sometimes it’s playing 4 Square at the after school programming, and insisting that they weren’t out. Sometimes it’s not getting to play the game or watch the movie they want.

It’s about a focus on and worship of self.

A few weeks ago, I read through the “Beatitudes” (Matthew 5:2-12) to my kids. We talked about this passage, and the entire Sermon on the Mount, and I explained that you could think of Jesus' words in a couple of wrong ways:

A list of rules from Jesus.
An admirable message from Jesus, with no challenging application. (See these thoughts about the Sermon on the Mount.)

Not just rules or a "feel good" message, Jesus is describing is what a life of following Him looks like. It’s about the Spirit’s work in our hearts, as we grow in trusting in Him.

Why is this a big deal? Because we have a choice of what reward we will have. My child can choose his short-term reward (getting his way), or he can choose to expect God’s eternal reward. Which reward they get is up to them, as we meditate on these challenging words from Jesus in this Sermon:

verse 3: He can strive for his own meager "wealth," or focus on God's kingdom and glory
verse 4: He can try to comfort himself when life goes bad, or seek the arms of Jesus
verse 5: He can try to enforce his way and defend himself, or he can let others win and trust that God will give him an inheritance
verse 6: He can be self-righteous and empty, or be satisfied with God's righteousness through Jesus
verse 7: He can seek vengeance, or give mercy (just as God has been merciful with him)
verse 8: He give in to sin and selfishness, or desire to see God
verse 9: He can fight for his own "rights," or bring about peace among God's people
verse 10-11: He can sulk when he is mistreated, or remember that God will make everything right in the end

For my kids, they need to learn to put others first, to be willing to lose out. They need to be more concerned about peace with others, instead of arguing about who is right, or who hit the ball out of bounds.

They need to remember the grace and love of Jesus, and let that motivate and empower them to show the same grace and love to others.

Even more, they don't need to do these things merely because "it's the right thing to do." They need to follow in the example of Jesus, that

"Though He was in the form of God, He did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant . . . " (Philippians 2:6-7).

Related Links:

**image courtesy of Kimeone via sxc.hu

Future Women

2011-10-27T03:44:00.001-04:00

If you are in the Greenville, SC area on November 4-5 (Friday-Saturday), you do not want to miss the equipping event called Future Women. Teachers from Grace Church will be giving a theology, language, and practical application for making disciples of the next generation of women, like these:

The material will be applicable to parents, other relatives, and leaders of girls. And even if you only have boys in your life, you should attend this event, as it will give you a framework for helping those boys understand women, including their future wives.

The teaching will be a perfect complement to what has been taught in our women's ministry (Feminine Reflection), and from the Future Men event in 2009 (see a video here and here).

Related Links:

StandOut Results

2011-10-26T03:56:00.081-04:00

image courtesy of javajones via flickr

I could totally be a groupie for Marcus Buckingham. I'm a huge fan of his strengths-focused books and seminars. I think I have all of his books, which are arranged in Stonehenge-fashion on my bookshelf, in an act of worship.

Just kidding. But when I first read Now, Discover Your Strengths about 4 years ago, I was definitely hooked. For much of my career, I was told that I needed to be a well-rounded employee, showing at least average competency in up to a dozen different areas.

The Latest Book
But Buckingham has a different take, that we need to focus on developing strengths (and, as needed, managing around our weaknesses). The brain is better hardwired to get better at the things your more naturally do, instead of learning new tricks. And it seems to match up well with the Biblical principle that God has uniquely created and gifted each person.

I recently received a copy of his latest book, StandOut, through a give-away. I couldn't wait to read it and take the on-line assessment.

I've taken his previous assessment tests, which helped me see my strengths in Analyzer, Harmony, Arranger, etc. But whereas the focus had been on 30+ strengths, StandOut focuses on 9 types of roles that best suit you. The results are easier to remember, and more applicable as well (especially as you receive a detailed report that blends the top two results).

Just the Facts
Here is a quick overview of my top 3 results, and how I think they fit me:

Connector. Collect information about topics and people, to store away for the right time. Fascinated by people's gifts and strengths. Think in terms of practical realities. Connect others together, for mutually-beneficial partnerships. Be detailed and specific.
Simulator. Energy-giving. Encourage. Call upon others to contribute. Not soft and gentle. Feel responsible for others' emotions. Driven to make everything right. Need intentional downtime, and to be liked. Support superlative statements with facts.
Equalizer. Driven to keep balance in this moral world. Hate unfinished work, and people lying. What you see is what you get. Facts are solid. Take a stand for a cause.

Apparently, I am about facts. I need facts, not opinions. I collect facts. I give facts to help and energize others.

Your Turn
These ideas have encouraged me, and have helped me understand how I can be used in the ministry roles and work that God has for me. (And I bought copies for my wife and for the two people on staff with me in the after school program.) If you don't have it yet, I highly encourage you to buy a copy of StandOut today.

How about you? Have you read any of Buckingham's books?

South Carolina State Fair

2011-10-24T03:00:00.002-04:00

Our kids thought that Allendale's Cooter Fest (on Mother's Day weekend) was great. Then, they were amazed by the Orangeburg County Fair. They could not imagine how the SC State Fair could be any better.

They were wrong. And we all had a great time.

Admission
Thanks to our local 4-H representative, we had wristbands for free admission for the 5 of us. Along with close and free parking, we were already off to a good start.

Lunch
We didn't arrive until close to 1PM, so we started with a small lunch. Steak sandwich, chicken tenders, hot dog, chips, and a lemonade (to share). $26. Ouch.

Animals
We walked around a bit, winding up near the cattle (we were looking for our 4H friend, but never saw her and her son, who I think was "showing" his heifer). Fortunately, the kids avoided stepping in any "cow pies."

Past the petting zoo, you could buy a ticket ($5 per person) to ride either a pony, camel, or elephant. Elephant should always beat the pony. The kids enjoyed the wobbly ride, and petting the elephant's skin.

Rides
We "only" bought 22 tickets (for $25), but it took us a surprisingly-long time to use them up. Sender really enjoys the tamer rides. Which is also surprising to me.

Hannah road the "Crazy Mouse" with me. Rather, she convinced me to join her. Here's a view from waiting in line.

Here's a video of us on it. I was more concerned with holding onto my phone than I was about my own daughter. What a great dad, right?

Games
The kids really wanted to try their skills at games. We successfully steered them away from the most rigged or difficult games (the rigged basketball shooting, and the impossible ring toss). Elijah tried a multi-person Whack-a-Mole, and came in dead last. He was heartbroken.

But they all tried throwing darts at balloons. Each balloon popped would mean a prize. They each got three darts, and they each popped the balloon on their final throw (Sender somehow hit one of the prizes with his first throw. Oops.) We came away with 3 new stuffed animals.

Dessert

By far the best deal of the day was our fried desserts. We got the sampler platter, and added the fried butter for $1 extra. Have you ever had these? Here's our opinions:

The Milky Way and Reese's Cup were good, but a little too sweet for my taste.
The Oreo was incredible.
The butter was even more incredible. It's a little square or ball of better, with cinnamon. Tastes like a Krispy Kreme "Hot Now" doughnut, with cinnamon.

We talked to some of the guys who worked there and found out a couple of cool facts:

For the week (plus a few days) of the SC state fair, this one booth will sell 15,000 fried Oreos. (How many calories is that?)
During the fair, this booth will use one ton of funnel cake batter. That's 2000 pounds, and doesn't count all the funnel cake, elephant ear, etc, kiosks throughout the rest of the fairgrounds.

Hannah (upon seeing a sign for fried Cool-Aid) said, "You can get deep fried ANYTHING here!"

It had been about 18 years since my last state fair, but I have a feeling that it won't be that much longer to my next one.

Orangeburg County Fair

2011-10-20T04:02:00.002-04:00

On Saturday, October 8th, we went to the Orangeburg County Fair. Driving up there, our kids could not imagine that it could have been bigger or better than Allendale's Cooter Fest (which occurred on Mother's Day weekend).

They were thrilled (and they shrieked) when we pulled up and saw all the rides and booths. We got to experience a handful of enjoyable things that day, besides just being with family.

Seed Art
Our kids participate in two local 4H programs. One is through their homeschool co-op in Blackville, and the other is through the 4H representative (as a part of the Clemson Extension in Allendale and Hampton Counties) that regularly leads activities in our after school program.

In September, our kids worked on Seed Art projects, where seeds (sometimes dyed) are glued to board, to make a picture. Elijah got first place, and Hannah second! I'm not sure what the categories were (maybe by age group and county), but it's a great accomplishment regardless. Here's a pic of our winners with some of the projects in the background (and here's a list of all the winners; look at the end for Allendale County):

Food
We didn't get much of the typical fair food. But the hand-cut French fries were great. Buying a soda from a place with $1 refills was the way to go.

Animal Exhibits
As true 4H members, we enjoyed the farm animal exhibits. Elijah saw a friend from co-op, who was "showing" the rabbit that he raised. Elijah ran right over and said "Hey" and they shook hands. He reminded me 39 times that the rabbit showing was at 2PM, so that we wouldn't miss it.

We also saw lots of goats and chickens, some cattle, ducks, and even a camel. We enjoyed hand-feeding the goats and camel.

Rides
While we didn't eat much food, we did take advantage of the rides. The kids barely got a consensus on what they wanted to do, so they each took turns.

Sender screamed on the carousel, apparently because it didn't have a seat belt.

Hannah and Elijah enjoyed the tilt-a-whirl, bumper cars, and the giant slide (see below). Elijah is obviously losing, but he insists that he pulled off a victory in the end.

Here's Elijah flying solo. He did win this time.

The "Grand" Prize
Just before we left, the kids wanted to play a game, and Sender choose throwing darts at balloons. Not too surprising. Three darts, and all 3 kids popped balloons. So, for a mere $5, we won a dollar store toy. Worth it? Well, you should have seen how much the kids enjoyed the detective kit (including a plastic gun and handcuffs) all the way home. Yeah, it was worth it, almost.

Next Up
We are looking forward to going to the SC State Fair this weekend (and especially thankful that we'll be getting free admission since we're a part of 4-H). (Edit: Here are pictures and stories about the fun time we had.)

Oh, and we think we'll do fewer rides and eat more fun food. The latest discussion is that we're trying to decide between fried Oreos and fried butter.

Any suggestions? What's your favorite fair food?

Related Link:

Our Family Weekend Get-Away

I'm a Winner!

2011-10-19T04:41:00.002-04:00

Yes, this really was one of my old chess trophies.

In the past couple of weeks, I've won three different giveaway contests conducted on other blogs:

I won the new book StandOut (I'm a big fan of Marcus Buckingham) on the leadership blog by Michael Hyatt. I plan on giving a review of this book, including my results, in the next week or two.
I won a set of DVD's and books from Zondervan's The Nature of God, courtesy of Challies.com.
Anyday now, I'm expecting a T-shirt from Mendmark. Thanks, Tyler Stanton (and congrats on having Boy #3).

That's a total of almost $200 of great stuff. My wife wants me to enter in one of the many contests that Young House Love conducts. I think she's just trying to ruin my streak.

Incidentally, I wasn't just finding giveaways. These are 3 of my favorite sites that I follow and read, that have focuses that range from leadership to theology to humor.

Flashback: We Took a Hike

2011-10-17T04:41:00.058-04:00

Almost exactly 1 year ago, our family went on a hike at Table Rock State Park, and I wrote about it on the Grace Church Children's Ministry Parenting blog. We had a great time hiking, and the fall weather reminded me of this adventure. I thought it was worth re-posting on this blog, with some minor edits. Enjoy!

Our family has been to Table Rock State Park a number of times, usually to hike, picnic, and play on the playground. Previously, we had hiked when one of the boys was toddler-age, so we've always stuck with the shorter, 1.8-mile loop, as opposed to going all the way to the top. I like this trail because you begin by going up, which means it's mostly downhill on the way back.

After hiking at the park in the spring of 2010, we talked about stretching it a little further the next time. Since there is a picnic shelter almost 2 miles up the trail, we thought it would be a great adventure to hike up there, eat lunch and then head back down. Surely, a 4-mile hike would be a great accomplishment, right?

In the fall, with the nice October weather, we decided to pack up and do this. As we drove to the park, I remember seeing the view in the picture above, and telling Joanna, "It's hard to believe that you could hike up that far in one day." It seemed so far away, and so high up, but we talked about how neat it would be to do that when our kids got a little older.

We had a great hike up to the shelter, and ate lunch with a great view (see the right). After a break, we decided to hike a little further up the trail, just to see if we could see some more views. We went a little more, and a little more, and a little more.

Within 15 or 20 minutes, Joanna and I decided to see how far we could go. After all, we had already hiked two hours, and the kids seemed to be enjoying it and doing fine. Who knows when we would come this far again?

The kids had a blast on the trail. Hannah kept pretending she was an "Indian guide." Elijah loved being up ahead as the "scout," and Sender insisted he was "Spider-Man" as he climbed up all the rocks along the path. Before we knew it, we had reached the summit, and then the end of the trail.

After spending some time on the rock -- ready to pounce and grab one of our kids should they get a little careless, and watching hawks fly and dive below us (what a weird feeling to be above those birds) -- we embarked on the trip back down.

All in all, we walked and climbed 7.2 miles (in about 6 hours), far more than the originally-planned 4-mile hike. Hannah talked all the way down the mountain, still pretending to be an Indian guide, with Joanna patiently playing pretend with her (for hours, mind you). I kept having to tell Elijah to stop and slow down, or else he would have beaten us all down by at least 30 minutes. Sender alternated between being Spider-Man and an Indian guide named "Billy Bob" (not sure about that one).

And me? I was just beaming with pride about my family. We just had a great adventure, and we truly enjoyed it together (a couple we saw at the end of the trail commented how neat it was that we seemed to be enjoying each other so much). The older kids were troopers on this trek, and I carried Sender for no more than 2 or 2.5 miles, so he (at just under 4 years old) climbed about 5 miles by himself.

Elijah summed it up best when he told us that it was great that "our family had a big accomplishment today." Yes, we did.

Of course, our latest adventure is living in Allendale, SC.

But we look forward to many more adventures. I hope your family has many more, too.

Halloween Thoughts

2011-10-13T03:33:00.032-04:00

I think he will be "Underwear Head"

In years past, our family enjoyed trick-or-treating in the neighborhood. As I wrote in 2009, we downplayed the "spooky" and occult aspects, but this was a great opportunity to have fun and to engage with our neighbors.

Oh, and Joanna and I got to confiscate all the Mounds and Almond Joys that our kids brought home.

But in Allendale, I don't think there is much door-to-door trick-or-treating. The schools do events, and I think some churches do "Trunk-or-Treats" (though I'm sure it's nowhere near the scale or extravagance that occurred at Grace Church). We'll figure it out, and go with the flow -- not to assimilate in the culture, but to engage it, as we live in this community.

There, I'm glad that I wrote about Halloween. Now, maybe I won't feel bad for neglecting to do so.

What about you? What are your plans for Halloween this year?

Science Videos

2011-10-12T04:30:00.015-04:00

These videos are cool. Yep, I am a nerd.

18 Things You Should Know About Genetics

If Earth Had Rings Like Saturn

Is My Son Ready for Baptism?

2011-10-10T04:18:00.092-04:00

Earlier this year, I had a conversation with my son Elijah about communion and baptism. I believe that baptism should precede communion (and a better theologian agrees), so Elijah has not been allowed to take the Lord's Supper.

But our conversation did not end there. We've continued (over years, actually) to discuss faith, discipleship, baptism, and related topics. It's just a part of our regular life to have these talks (Deuteronomy 6:7).

"My Life Before I Met Jesus"
A few weeks ago, during our church worship service, the pastor had everyone write down what your life was like before you "met Jesus." Church-lingo aside, it was a great opportunity for the congregation to reflect on our lives.

These are the words Elijah wrote: Miserable Bad Horrible

I told him that was great, but inwardly I wanted to know what he was thinking. When we talked about it later, he explained that he used to think that his life was good. But now that he's been reading the Bible and that he knows God more, his life is much, much better.

Faith Like a Child
Does "life being better" make one a true follower? Not in and of itself. But I think Elijah is trying to express that God is his joy, and that Jesus makes life so much sweeter, fuller, and meaningful.

My tendency has been to be cautious about children being baptized, even to generally say that children are probably not ready to be baptized. My concern is that we give a child a false assurance, and that we parents push our children in this out of fear (wanting them to be saved).

But I've also been received counsel (from other pastors, friends, and this guy) that we parents can go too far on the other end of the spectrum. I don't want to be so "cautious" (or fearful) that I discourage Elijah in his walk. I need to trust God no matter what decision we make.

Now What?
I think Elijah may be a follower of Jesus. He knows the truth of the Gospel. He bears fruit, like good works and heart-felt repentance, though he is a sinner (and will readily admit that). He acts like he thinks he is a believer, if you understand what I mean.

My job is to help him grow in his faith, no matter where he is in his relationship with God. I do believe that God is working in his heart, and I don't need to doubt Elijah's profession of faith.

Elijah wants to be baptized. More importantly, he has a desire to follow Jesus, as best he knows how. We are trying to help him figure out what that looks like in reality, just as I struggle with always knowing what that means.

I was encouraged as I watched testimonies from folks at Grace Church; actually, Elijah and I watched them together. (If you want to know more, there is great material about baptism on the church website.) I loved seeing the number of children who have made professions of faith, and who followed Jesus in the act of baptism.

Related Links:

10 Principles for Shepherding My Child Through Salvation and Baptism
What Shall We Do With Our Baptism? (external link)

New Plan for the Blog

2011-10-08T04:48:00.063-04:00

Back to the drawing board.

Some of you know this already, but I am working on a new site for my blogs, to combine this one with Mission: Allendale. And when I say I am working, that really means me piddling around while a couple of friends do the real design work. Many blessings upon them.

The idea of combining the two sites might seem crazy, since one blog just came out of the other, and now I'm bringing them back together. Didn't I Fast Forward to Mission: Allendale? What gives?

Here's what we (some friends and I) have been thinking:

We want to move to a self-hosted website, to be able to get some functionality that may not be possible with "out-of-the-box" designs.
Wordpress-based blogs seem more professional, modern, and useful than Blogspot-based blogs. Creating Mission: Allendale on Wordpress helped me get used to the new posting format.
The new site will allow (at least, this is the plan) people the opportunity to sign up for Parenting posts, Allendale posts, or both.

Going along with this third point, here is the new plan for my posting, starting with my current blogs, but also will continue on the new site:

Parenting: Mondays and Thursdays
Allendale: Tuesdays and Fridays
Other (links, pictures, videos, etc): Wednesdays
Church & Children's Ministry: Instead of putting these articles on my own blog, I will start guest posting on KidMin1124. If you are involved in Children's Ministry, as staff or volunteer, you should follow that blog, which was recently ranked #16 out of 100 Children's Ministry blogs. (Yep, I'm already listed as an author and I have my first article, Are All Volunteers the Same?.)

If you notice, I will stop posting on Sundays (Sunday Shorts) and Saturdays (Saturday Round-Up). This will create some more time to focus on my main content, and to get away from writing a little more (I have to live life with my family!). Especially with the Saturday posts, it took a lot of time to compile articles that I liked, but with a "shotgun" approach to who it might reach. Based on some recent counsel I received from a book I read, I will target articles to specific people, when I think it will help them. (Plus, I will still share some resources via Facebook and Twitter.)

If you have any questions or comments about these blogs and my new plan, please don't hesitate to let me know.

Related Link:

KidMin Articles and Radio Show

**image courtesy of Gangplank HQ via flickr

Teaching My Kids About Yom Kippur

2011-10-06T04:35:00.086-04:00

Spoiler: One is going to die.

At sundown on Friday (October 7), the Jewish festival of Yom Kippur will begin. It's not a festival as per the normal connotation, since this is the most solemn day of the year for religious Jews. I originally wrote on this topic in 2009 on the Grace Church Children's Ministry Parenting blog, but I figured it was worth re-posting with some minor edits. Hope you enjoy!

My Jewishness, My Faith, My Family
I am Jewish, by my mother's lineage. I was circumcised by a Rabbi in my grandparents' apartment when I was 8 days old (sorry, I know that's graphic). I went to Hebrew private school for 4 years. I was Bar Mitzvah at age 13.

I have also been a Christ-follower since I was 19 years old. There is much debate (especially among non-Christian Jews) about whether I can still call myself a Jew, but I think it's valid. Being Jewish is a heritage, and is different than Judaism (the religion taught by the Hebrew Scriptures, or "Old Testament"). Being a Christian is about my faith. In this country, most Jews are not particularly religious, but are still Jews.

There is a lot that I'll never be able to teach my children -- how to change the oil in a car, or how to throw a curve-ball. I'm not a theological expert or a natural teacher. But, God has given me a specific perspective and experience (Jewish background + Christian faith), in which I can equip my own kids. I have also been thankful to be able to share this with the next generation in other ways, such as with Passover Seders in our church.

Yom Kippur and Two Goats
Yom Kippur is the Day of Atonement. To explain this holy day to my kids, I have used stuffed animals. There were two goats (but I had to use horses, since we don't have goats). For one goat, the high priest in Israel laid his hands on its head, to impute on it all the sins of Israel. That goat was carried out of the Israeli camp and set free.

This goat, called the "scapegoat," points to Christ. I believe this is what is written in John 1 -- "Behold the Lamb of God, who carries away the sin of the world." Jesus didn't just banish sin from a distance; He carried that sin on Himself.

The second goat was slaughtered as an offering to God. This also points to Christ, as He was slain for our sins.

Yes, I do talk to my kids about the sacrifice of animals, and, no, it does not scar them. Animal sacrifice is messy and disgusting, but so is our sin to a Holy God.

Why I Love Teaching My Kids This Stuff
God wants me to proclaim His gospel message, to teach my children about how He has worked through His chosen people. He has equipped me to help them understand truths about Him.

No matter how old my kids are, they will not understand the entire theological picture, any more than I do. One of my children was completely shocked that they actually killed the goat. It was a reminder to me that I needed to talk more with him about how our sin requires judgment.

And when I asked my daughter (8 years old at the time) why we don't have to sacrifice animals for our sins today, she replied, "Because Jesus already died for our sins."

Beautiful. I could not have been more excited that God used me to teach them the Gospel with this illustration. Our nasty sin needs an atonement, and Jesus already was our sacrifice.

Related Link:

9 Chosen Reasons Why I Love Jewish People

**image courtesy of nuchylee via freedigitalphotos.net

MC Escher in Lego

2011-10-05T04:16:00.065-04:00

Sky and Water

When I was a kid, I loved the works of M.C. Escher. I even had a T-shirt, with the design to the right, of Sky and Water. I was fascinated with how he could trick make my eyes not believe what they were seeing. It was probably the only time in my life that I enjoyed not knowing the answer.

I also liked Legos. I had 1000's. It used to be that all there were were regular "town" creations -- cars, houses, police station, etc. But I moved into castle sets. Now, there are at least a dozen series of different sets -- Star Wars, ninja, Pharaoh, and whatnot. I brought Elijah and two of his friends to a Lego store last December; it took them over 45 minutes to figure out how they each wanted to spend their $20. A little overwhelming, for us all.

It's fun to use Legos to create real life depictions and artwork. My kids have been inspired by others creating Bible Stories with Legos, even building Easter scenes. They have not built an SUV out of Lego bricks. Not yet, at least.

Recently, we came across a site that showed how someone recreated M.C. Escher's artwork using Legos. Here are some of our favorites:

Belvedere.

Relativity.

Waterfall. On this one, he had to cheat a little (read the story in the article). Still pretty cool.

I was amazed at how few kids in the after school program here have used Legos, until I'm reminded of how expensive they are (the Lego SUV has an estimated materials-only cost of $40,000, not including labor, or an engine). We were so thankful for a friend's HUGE donation of their unused Legos.

Do your kids like to create with Legos? What's been their biggest project?

The Craziest Girl I Knew

2011-10-03T03:51:00.045-04:00

image courtesy of mamarati via flickr

Have you ever just known that someone was crazy by something he or she said to you? I had that happen over 13 years ago, and I still remember the context.

In the June 1998, I spent a week as a leader at an FCA Camp in Black Mountain, NC. I had just begun work on my Master's of Science degree in Chemistry at Furman. It was a great opportunity to spend a week with a group of high school boys.

Besides the adult staff and college-age huddle leaders, there was a girl who just graduated high school who helped that week with administrative tasks for the camp. I don't remember having any significant conversation with her (besides "good morning" and such), until she came up to me mid-week and asked, "What are you studying in school?"

"Chemistry," I replied.

"Really?" she said with disbelief, "I thought you were going to be a pastor."

"Nope. No way. I'm going to be a chemist."

"Oh. I just had the feeling you would be a pastor." And that was the last time we spoke.

As I walked away, I was laughing on the inside. I wondered why people think that just because you love Jesus, that you should work for a church or be a missionary.

I wondered what would prompt her to walk up to me and start that conversation. I ruled it as her just being a young, zealous (but misguided) girl. Or, she was crazy.

Crazy had to be it. Why else would she even think something like that? Crazy, hyper-spiritual person.

Regardless of whether she was crazy or not, I knew she was flat out wrong.

Until January 2007.

Read more about me on this blog, or on Mission: Allendale.

Disaster Relief

2011-10-02T03:44:00.010-04:00

Life can be really difficult. Sometimes, I don't know how we make it through some first-world problems.

Netflix Relief Fund with Jason Alexander from Jason Alexander

Saturday Round-Up (October 1)

2011-10-01T03:03:00.043-04:00

Happy October!

My Plastic Self. Months ago, a friend asked me to write about Barbie. I never could figure out just what to say. Maybe this article can suffice, at least for now.

Leading with Expectation. "Personally, I gravitate toward pessimism and fatalism. These are the antithesis of expectation. They expect little and have a nasty habit of causing me surprise when God moves in extraordinary ways."

This Is Relaxing? I assume that it is only (or at least primarily) women who can resonate with all the stress that can go into prepping for a massage.

The 5 Most Ridiculous Arguments My Kids Have. Be sure to read through the comments for more scenarios. I'm sure this doesn't affect your kid, right?

Cthulhu vs. the Sith. I'm really not sure what this battle is in reference to, but my kids and I loved this video.

Did You Forget That You're Saved? "The gospel transforms us precisely because it’s not itself a message about our internal transformation, but Christ’s external substitution. We desperately need an Advocate, Mediator, and Friend. But what we need most is a Substitute."

The Next Step: To Disciple a Few. An excerpt from Radical, and a lot of the same thinking that led me to write What's Our Ultimate Purpose in Allendale?

History of Lyrics That Aren't Lyrics. A nice walk through time.

Favorite Tweets for September

2011-09-30T16:28:00.026-04:00

Follow me on Twitter: @EspinosaJoey

"I can only be right with God if I accept the atonement of Jesus as an absolute gift. Am I humble enough to accept it?" Oswald Chambers
Dinner at IHOP!
Our family brought Popsicles to the football players and coaches after their practice. For $10, we can be #culturallyengaged.
"There is never going to come a day when I stand before God and he says, 'I wish you would have kept more for yourself.'" #radical
Breakfast at Flavor with Elijah. Homecooking, and with a name like "Flavor" how could you go wrong?
Every time Sender says he wants a bacon & egg cheeseBURGER from Hardee's, I feel nauseated.
And in today's news for #AllendaleSC, Joanna and kids rode the golf cart to the library, & the Hardee's drive-thru. http://wp.me/p1MQc9-G
Joanna just headed out to register to vote, and to sign up to be a poll worker in #AllendaleSC. #culturallyengaged
After I listened to this wk's sermon by @MattRogers_, the family had a great breakfast table discussion about being "in the world." #1John
Snack at Club today was cucumber & carrots. One little girl said, "Yuck. That's white people food." #AllendaleSC

Do you have a favorite?

7 Differences Between Galilee and Judea

2011-09-29T04:17:00.031-04:00

My kids have been studying ancient Rome in school. This has led to some discussions about the nation of Israel around the time of Jesus. Additionally, my reading through the New Testament brought up some questions about the context of many events.

So I am glad I came across this resource, 7 Differences Between Galilee and Judea in the Time of Jesus. In a commentary on the Gospel of Matthew, R.T. France notes that we must remember that "the Jews" cannot be lumped in a single category, any more than Irish and English can be lumped as "British," or how a Texan and New Yorker would share "American" customs.

After understanding seven key differences between Jews from Galilee and those from Judea, one will have a greater appreciation for the prejudice Jesus the Nazarene (from Galilee) faced when He encountered the religious Jews from Judea, who considered themselves spiritually superior.

Follow the Rabbit Trail: Planes, Baptizing, Following

2011-09-28T05:13:00.071-04:00

Image courtesy of Kenneth Russell via Picasa

With bedtime conversations with kids, you just never know where the rabbit trail may lead.

The Conversation
A few weeks ago, Sender and I were laying in his bed talking about flying in a plane. He is the only one in our family that has never done so, but I was telling him that one day he will.

Suddenly, he said, "What if we fly in a plane, and we crash, and I die, and I haven't been baptized?" Wow. Flying, crashing, dying, baptizing. What a loaded sentence! (The crashing and dying probably has to do with our recent discussions about 9-11.)

He was a little concerned and even distressed, and I asked why it bothered him that he wasn't baptized. "Because then I won't go to heaven." I explained that he doesn't have to be baptized in order to go to heaven. And this led to a talk about who has been baptized in our family -- Mommy, me, and Hannah.

Then, I asked him, "What do you have to do to go to heaven?" and he answered, "Believe in Jesus." That's right. We were on the right track. But then he added this:

"Satan doesn't believe in Jesus."

Oh, interesting point. But I explained that Satan and his bad angels (demons) actually do believe in Jesus, in a sense. The Bible (James 2:19) is clear that they believe that Jesus is God. The difference is that they don't follow and obey God.

So, as I explained to Sender, maybe we should say that we need to believe in and follow Jesus.

The Conclusion
What a great conversation. We went from talking about planes to crashing to baptizing to salvation to believing to Satan to following. I got to help make theology practical for him.

You can't script moments like this. But I don't take advantage of the precious time I have with my kids like this as much as I should.

Related Links:

Favorite Blog Post Winner

2011-09-26T10:31:00.014-04:00

Thanks for everyone who voted (and shared posts, and commented) in this giveaway.

The favorite post was determined to be: Biblical Parenting vs Gospel Parenting

And the winner of the $40 of merchandise from Amazon.com is: Barbara! Congrats!! (Send me an email or FB message to discuss how to claim your prize.)

Our Dancing Sender

2011-09-26T03:16:00.019-04:00

Sender, who will be 5 at the end of the year, is always up for entertaining others. Sometimes, a dance just breaks out after breakfast.

And sometimes the dance includes "The Worm" and the melody from "Pharaoh, Pharaoh."

If Sender took dancing lessons -- and if he lived in Moldova -- this video shows what he would look like (Thanks, Ashley).

Related Links:

Hannah's Birthday

2011-09-25T03:05:00.065-04:00

Accessorized: Braces & Clip-On Earrings

Our "little girl" is 10 today. She was actually due on September 16th, but came 9 days late. I lost a bet on that, having to buy someone lunch. See? She was costing me right off the bat.

That she was late seems to fit her personality. I bet she was busy talking, or day-dreaming. At least, that's why she is so pokey now.

Tasks? Who's got time and focus for them, when there is so much to dream about and create!

That's what we love about her. She loves to make things beautiful, like outfits with as many different bright colors as possible.

Over the next few years, she will be entering into a new phase. She will go through changes and challenges -- physically, socially, emotionally, and even spiritually. And our role is to be there ahead of her (proactive leadership) and with her (encouraging her in Christ).

Last weekend, Hannah and Joanna went away for a 1-night girls-only trip to Charleston. Besides just having fun, they also talked about some of these upcoming changes.

A great resource that my wife used is called The Care & Keeping of You: The Body Book for Girls. Created by American Girl (which already has a huge fan in Hannah), this book facilitated discussion between my wife and daughter. Health topics are covered without reference to sexuality. It's a great resource for parents of young (preteen) girls.

Related Links:

Saturday Round-Up (September 24)

2011-09-24T03:03:00.036-04:00

It was a good week. Maybe that's because I only had to work 4 days. Maybe that's because my in-laws are in town (free meals!). And maybe it's because it's my daughter's birthday weekend (see tomorrow's post). And there were a slew of good articles (and 2 videos) I came across. Here they are, this time in order of how much I liked them. I think you'll like one or more, too.

The Difference Between Parenting and Making Disciples. Since I've read this, I've been thinking about my kids not in the context of "parenting," but in the perspective of "making disciples." The same holds true for how we can equip other parents to make disciples of their kids.

Bikers and Innocent Couples. I showed this video to my kids, to illustrate the principle of "don't judge a book by its cover." This has become more real to them, since (by their skin tone) in the vast minority in Allendale.

Did You Marry the Wrong Person? Yes, and you should thank God for that.

Power Corrupts, Especially When It Lacks Status. "The experience of having power without status, whether as a member of the military or a college student participating in an experiment, may be a catalyst for producing demeaning behaviors that can destroy relationships and impede goodwill."

How Devoted Moms Buffer Kids in Poverty. A good mom can make all the difference.

I Used to Think (Rap). "I was a wealthy man if I had one or two bucks."

Vote, Share, and Comment: Last Week

2011-09-22T13:21:00.004-04:00

Only a few more days for your chance to win! See this week's match-up.

If you need some help thinking which posts to share, here are a couple of suggestions:

What Is Church About?

2011-09-22T03:19:00.002-04:00

More thoughts from Basic Theology, chapter 75. What content should be included in church worship?

Reading and teaching of the Bible
Prayer (corporate and individual)
Singing (there were no preferred forms in the New Testament)
Giving (in New Testament, this was a primary topic written for church life)
Fellowship, which increases church health and commitment

We all need to be a part of a local church that incorporates these aspects.

Related Links:

What Is the Church?
How Churches Can Fall Short
6 Reasons to Be a Faithful Member of a Local Church (from Counseling One Another)

Is My Child a Christian?

2011-09-21T04:15:00.060-04:00

How do we know if a child, who has "all the right answers," is a Christian? Where does it move from him being able to recite the truth of the gospel, to him being truly regenerate?

There is no simple answer to these questions. It is a matter that we struggled with for years with our daughter, and which we are still praying about with our older son. How I wish there was a simple formula!

The matter came to a conclusion in the fall of 2008, when she came to us every night for a week in tears, confessing something she had done wrong. Each incident was unsolicited by us (and her actions were mostly unknown to us, until she spoke up). We believed that it was the Holy Spirit's work on her heart.

Watch a short segment from this video, from 18:20 - 20:15 --

I like the idea of asking, "What has God told you?" If there is a true relationship, there will be conversation. God will speak, and we will hear.

Here are some other good resources to check out.

10 Principles for Shepherding My Child Through Salvation and Baptism From a parent equipping event several years ago.
Is My Child Ready for Baptism? Theology Is Needed A regenerate person will have knowledge of the truth, trust that is fleshed out in actions, and a conscience the cries out for cleansing.
Is My Child Ready to Take Communion? It is the role of parents to determine when the child is ready, but they should seek counsel from others.
Q&A: How Do You Know When a Young Child Is Ready to Accept Christ? From the Grace Children's Ministry Parenting Blog. Pastor Bill White gives four suggestions for parents who are struggling with this question.
Passing on Your Faith. What really matters is that we (as parents) are pursuing Christ.

When Other People Mistreat You

2011-09-19T08:23:00.029-04:00

Have you ever be looked down on, made fun of, slandered, or otherwise treated badly? Then you should read this article from The Cripplegate.

No matter who mistreats us, or what they do, here are the three things we need to remember:

God is in control, and these people are merely His instruments.
Your abusers actions should move us to love them, not to complain.
God acts in goodness and righteousness towards me.

Read the full article here.

Related Link:

9-11 and My Daughter

Blog Playoffs - Final Round

2011-09-19T03:35:00.015-04:00

This is the final round. Remember the rules to follow if you want to win $40:

Vote (poll to the right).
Share another post (not what you've done already).
Leave another comment.

Even if you voted, shared, commented in a previous week, you can do it again for another chance to win.

Here is the final match-up. Which is your favorite?

Poll closes on this coming Sunday at 9PM (EST). I'll announce the winner next week.

Disney vs Six Flags

2011-09-18T04:41:00.060-04:00

My family has been to Disney World twice (each one just for a day or two in the parks). And we had the opportunity to go to Six Flags for the first time this past summer.

While we love any kind of vacation together -- whether it's driving a thousand miles to visit family, or going to a park -- I noticed that Disney created a better experience than Six Flags. Here is what stood out to me about what Disney does best:

Communicate well. Disney's "Have a magical day" is cheesy, but at least it makes sense and fits the theme. But on this past summer's trip, we heard "Have a Six Flags day." I'm not sure what that means.
Have vision buy-in. At Disney, smiles appear genuine from everyone, even for the poor lady dressed up as Ariel, who has to take pictures for hours as she sits in her mermaid tail and clam-shell bathing suit. Everyone greets you warmly. But not at Six Flags. Sure some of the people wave and smile. But most don't even try to fake it. Maybe "Having a Six Flags day" means being grumpy and being half-hearted.
Do the little things with passion. My last experience at Six Flags was waiting 30 minutes for vomit to be cleaned off a ride. The worker was obviously disgusted, and he let it be known. And they didn't even have the proper materials on-hand to clean it up; someone was gone for 10 minutes getting the materials needed. I have a feeling that at Disney, no one would have even known about the incident. They're magical like that.

Let me know in the comments: Which are your favorite amusement parks? Why?

Related Link:

8 Leadership Principles from McDonald's CEO Jim Skinner

Saturday Round-Up (September 17)

2011-09-17T04:40:00.058-04:00

Some more great articles. But first, since I'm an good at math and a I'm a strong analyzer, what does this comic say about my creativity level? Beh, I don't care.

Engaging Muslims. “We need an accurate and discerning look at the Muslim world,” Boyd said. “One size does not fit all.”

The Gateway Gospel vs. the Pathway Gospel. Too often, I think that the gospel-centered life is about having to jump through hoops. I need to remember that it's more about the path of life.

Fun time at the beach last month

50 Rules for Dads of Daughters. Great tips.

Homeschool Blindspots. Stern warnings for homeschoolers like me. I can see myself already having falling prey to several of these errors.

Is Spanking Your Child Ultimately Unbiblical? Amazing things can happen when you abuse and misapply inductive Bible study. Like you equate the same context for punishing lawbreakers and disciplining children.

Children Are a Blessing from God -- All Children. A good word concerning for how we need to perceive children that are disabled.

Fathers' Testosterone Drops Steeply After Baby Arrives. The human male's biology is hardwired to change in order to meet the demands of having a newborn.

Reminder: Pick Your Favorite Post and Win!

2011-09-15T09:02:00.005-04:00

Don't forget to vote, share, and comment for your chance to win. Each week you do this is one entry.

See this round's match-ups.

David Platt on the Gospel

2011-09-15T03:46:00.003-04:00

From Radical (which I've finally gotten around to reading), chapter 2:

The modern-day gospel says, "God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life. Therefore, follow these steps, and you can be saved." Meanwhile, the biblical gospel says, "You are an enemy of God, dead in your sin, and in your present state of rebellion, you are not even ale to see that you need life, much less to cause yourself to come to life. Therefore, you are radically dependent on God to do something in your life that you could never do."

The former sells books and draws crowds. The latter saves lives.

Platt goes on to define the gospel:

The just and loving Creator of the universe has looked upon hopelessly sinful people and sent his Son, God in the flesh, to bear his wrath against sin on the cross and to show his power over sin in the Resurrection so that all who trust in him will be reconciled to God forever.

Related Links:

Blogging Mojo

2011-09-14T13:46:00.067-04:00

Since my Love Language is "words of affirmation" (and since I am a proud, self-focused person), I love hearing people tell me how much they enjoy my blogs, of which I have written on three:

Grace Church Children's Ministry Parenting Blog (I wrote from January 2009 - December 2010, though it is still being updated with great posts by the Children's Ministry staff)
A Different Way (October 2010 - present)
Mission: Allendale (August 2010 - present)

I have found that writing has been a good outlet for me. It forces me to process, organize, and express the thoughts that are constantly bouncing around in my skull. I'd like to think that my style as improved over the past few years, as I've been finding my "voice." But I still have a lot to learn.

That's why I have benefited from learning from other bloggers. Most experienced bloggers. More popular bloggers. More wealthy bloggers (I'm assuming this one, but pretty sure it's true).

I had the pleasure of reviewing Bryan Allain's 31 Days to Finding Your Blogging Mojo, and I've already benefited from it. And not just the benefit of being able to smugly point out the typo he had. Finding typos during a book review earns you eternal rewards in blogger heaven. Except if you brag about it, like I just did. So maybe I just earned eternal punishment in blogger hell. Either way, my ego is satisfied.

In easy-to-read and humorous style, Allain helps bloggers like me focus, with the aim of capturing the audience that needs to hear the thoughts that are in my head. After all, everyone has a unique combination of passions, skills, and experiences, but unless I can effectively communicate those ideas, they remain with me.

That's why I am thankful for experts like Allain, and I highly recommend his book 31 Days to Finding Your Blogging Mojo for anyone who wants to grow and improve their blog.

(You can also check out 31daystomojo.com.)

6 Truths About Parenting That You Never Believed, Until You Had Your Own Kids

2011-09-14T04:55:00.002-04:00

Context is everything, even for what we believe in.

Birth order makes a difference.
You will parent exactly like you were parented.
You will parent exactly opposite of how you were parented.
TV is a valid babysitter.
How physically exhausting it is when your kids are young.
How emotionally exhausting it is when your kids are older.

Anything else you can add? What didn't you believe was true about parenting until you became a parent?

Related Link:

Why First Time Moms Lose Their Minds

Blog Playoffs - Round 2

2011-09-12T04:33:00.039-04:00

Here is Round 2. You can read the introductory post, and see last week's match-ups.

Same rules apply, if you want to win $40 of stuff from Amazon.

Vote on your favorite post in each pair, using the poll to the right. If you need to, you can click the links to read (or re-read) that article.
Share any post (not just the ones listed here), whether on this blog or on Mission: Allendale.
Leave a comment here explaining which post your shared and how you shared it. Be sure I have your full name and/or contact info! If I can't contact you, you can't win. (Remember, you can just leave a comment as "Anonymous" and put your full name, as long as I have your contact info.)

Even if you participated last week, be sure to vote, share, and comment again, as this will give you another chance to win. Since we only had a handful of commenter last week, your comment this week gives you a great chance to win!

Semifinal Game 1: Theology vs Parenting

Semifinal Game 2: Education & Culture vs Parenting

As with last week, voting will end on Sunday at 9PM (EST).

By the way, we have now passed 20,000 visits on this blog! Thanks for being a part of this community!

9-11 and My Daughter

2011-09-11T04:04:00.007-04:00

I'm sure much will be said and written today about the 10-year anniversary of 9-11, by people who are much smarter than I.

From a personal note, one thing I remember about September 11, 2001 was that it all happened just 5 days before our first child was supposed to be born (although she finally came nine days after her due date).

I remember thinking, "What an interesting world our child will grow up in."

But God does not rest; He is at work.

He creates life, and sustains it.
He redeems the brokenness in the world.
He draws us to Himself, even as we resist Him.

I asked my kids last night, "What can we remember whenever something bad happens in our lives?" Here's what we came up with:

God loves us.
God is with us. The #1 command in the Bible is "Do not fear," and it's usually coupled with, "For I am with you."
God is in control.
Jesus gives us life.
Be thankful for the good things we do have.
Believers in Jesus go to heaven (including any who died on 9/11/01).
God will make things right, and turn evil into good.

Related Links:

When Other People Mistreat You
Hannah's Birthday

Saturday Round-Up (September 10)

2011-09-10T04:46:00.089-04:00

Hope you have a great weekend. It was a great week for good articles; I think you'll find one or more that will help you.

from The Art of Manliness

Bookend Your Day: The Power of Morning and Evening Routines. I'm definitely a creature of habit, but I could probably use a little more consistency, and a lot more effective use of my time. Here's a quote from William Blake, "Think in the morning, act in the noon, read in the evening, and sleep at night."

Spurgeon on a Stupid Way to Read the Scriptures. "It is always better to read a little and digest it, than it is to read much and then think you have done a good thing by merely reading the letter of the word."

A Year of Biblical Womanhood. "When the term 'Biblical' can mean anything, it means nothing." True, but where Rachel Evans errs is by not considering context. Still, an interesting and thought-provoking project.

The Perks of the Job Are Not the Job Itself. Thoughts from a stay-at-home dad. Apparently, there are a lot of these type dads in the blogging world.

How to Comfort a Bereaved Child. Nine principles (plus one more by yours truly in the comments).

The Duel. I haven't done well keeping up with the Republican candidates for the 2012 Presidential campaign. This article is a good overview. Or, if you only have 47 seconds, watch this video for a recap.

Structured Homeschooling Gets an A+. You know that I don't make a case that home schooling is the only or "Biblical" method for childhood education. But this small Canadian study showed some interesting data, such as home schooled children having advantages over children in public school in math (by a half grade level) in reading (over 2 grade levels). Small class size and individualized attention go a long way.

Family Meals May Encourage Children to Try New Types of Food. Not only are family meal times great for conversation and connection, but they can encourage healthier eating habits.

One Way to Serve Families with Disabled Children. Don't forget about the children in those families who are not disabled.

Take Your Small Groups Off Life Support. Watch this compelling video. "For every 10 minutes of commute, we are 10% less likely to have meaningful relationships. The average commute for America today? 30 minutes, each way. . . . We weren't built for isolation. We weren't meant to live lives disconnected from one another. We are created in the image of a God who exists in community. We are created for community."

"Did You Have Fun" Is the Wrong Question

2011-09-09T14:24:00.008-04:00

Great article by Laura Parker, a must-read and think-about for all parents.

"Shouldn’t our default be more about what we gave, than what we got?"

Give-Away Reminder

2011-09-08T14:06:00.005-04:00

Don't forget to vote, share, and comment. That is, if you want to win $40 of merchandise (your choice) from Amazon.

Not sure why, but we've had several votes, but far fewer comments. Well, someone is going to win.

Want to participate and have a chance to win? Go to the First Round's selections.

8 Leadership Principles from McDonald's CEO Jim Skinner

2011-09-08T04:55:00.002-04:00

I have to be honest. McDonald’s is not my favorite fast food restaurant. And yet I still go there a lot. Why am I drawn back again and again? Is it my kids’ insistent cries for Happy Meals, or my love for salty fries?

And I’m not alone. Since Jim Skinner became CEO in 2004, McDonald’s has pleased both customers (5% annual growth rate) and shareholders (the stock return has been over 15 times more than the S&P 500).

In Why McDonald’s Wins in Any Economy, Skinner reveals some principles that have helped him lead with an attention to detail, but without micromanaging.

Keep the base happy. Some folks simply want their hot cakes and hash browns, or Big Mac and French fries. Give them what they want.
Attract new customers. As wraps, smoothies, and specialty coffees have become popular in other establishments, McDonald’s adopted them into its own menu.
Execute well to satisfy customers. There are many people involved in delivering quality food to customers, from test chefs to local crews, and from suppliers to managers. Each step of the process must be continually evaluated, and improved as needed. For example, while a deli sandwich would please some customers, the crews could not serve it in less than a minute, and Skinner knows that speed matters to most McDonald’s drive-through customers.
Support your staff publicly. The article's author gives an example of how he managed a tension between an executive and a manager below her. He backed the executive’s decision in front of others, but questioned her later in private.
Your strengths must be your foundation. McDonald’s was founded on hamburgers, not pizza or hotels. Everything must support the core business. Once you have a solid foundation, you have the freedom to expand into new opportunities (think: oatmeal).
New products can widen your reach. The process of introducing the snack wrap (which required a quick 18 months from concept-to-delivery) forced the development team to perfect the tortilla, which allowed them to also produce a breakfast burrito. Also, the wraps increased sales by luring in customers for between-meal snacks.
Don’t be fooled by false-success. When a new product is launched, measures are taken to ensure that the sales do not merely steal revenue from another platform.
Have a leadership pipeline. Skinner himself was a right-hand-man for years. He insists that all executives be training two potential successors.

If you follow these leadership principles, your customers will also be able to say, "I'm lovin' it."

Related Link:

Disney vs Six Flags

Flashback: Frustrated with School Work

2011-09-07T04:45:00.010-04:00

I wrote a post a few months ago, about children being Frustrated with School Work. Since we've started a new school year, I figured it was worth a reminder to check it out.

Here's an excerpt:

"My child's grades, efforts, and behaviors are visible, so it's easy for me to focus on those. However, what's more important is her heart. There is a spiritual battle for her heart and soul. The external behaviors are merely tools that help me discern what's in her heart.

We need to remind our kids (and remember for ourselves) that our purpose must be to honor God in all that we do. The goal is not perfection. The goal is to find rest in Jesus (Matthew 11:28). Since we have peace with God through Jesus (Romans 5:1-2), why should we strive for worldly perfection?"

Anyone else have a child who struggles in this area?

Reason #11 That Allendale Is Better Than Where You Live

2011-09-06T05:46:00.000-04:00

Uh, uh. Remember -- if you want to keep up with everything Allendale, you'll need to go over to the new website, Mission: Allendale.

Blog Playoffs - Round 1

2011-09-05T05:47:00.067-04:00

As I explained in the last post, here's your chance to let me know your favorite blog post and to win $40 of stuff from Amazon.com. Here's what you need to do:

Vote on your favorite post in each pair, using the poll to the right. If you need to, you can click the links to read (or re-read) that article. You vote on each match-up.
Share any post (not just the ones listed here), whether on this blog or on Mission: Allendale.
Leave a comment here explaining which post your shared and how you shared it. (Be sure I have your full name and/or contact info! If I can't contact you, you can't win.)

**Note: If you don't want (or don't know how) to log in, just leave your full name in the comments, and post it as "Anonymous." If I don't have your contact info you can email it to me.

Every week you do this is one entry for the drawing. On with the games!

Game 1: Practical Theology

Game 2: Education & Culture

Game 3: Gospel Parenting

Game 4: Parenting Struggles

Thanks for taking part! Voting will end on Sunday at 9PM (EST).

BCS: Blog Championship Series

2011-09-05T04:23:00.056-04:00

Every year, college football fans debate the merits of the current bowl system, versus playoffs.

Though not nearly on the same scale of popularity (though we will reach 20,000 visits on this blog since I launched it last fall), we could have the same debate about this blog. So, we are going to determine which is the favorite blog post.

With the help of my analytics software, I've determined the top 8 posts (not counting the About Me and Mission: Allendale pages, which were in the top 5 for hits).

I'll pair them off over the next three weeks, and you get to vote on your favorite.

And there will be a prize! No, not the $18 million payout for the BCS bowl games. I will be giving away $40 worth of merchandise (your choice) from Amazon.com. (The $40 includes shipping costs, if any.) Here's how you can win:

Vote on your favorite posts for that week.
Share any post on this blog or Mission: Allendale. The buttons under each post make it easy to share by email, Facebook, Twitter, etc. It could be a post in these playoffs, or any one of your choosing.
Leave a comment saying which post you shared and how you shared it. For example, you could write "Shared Biblical Parenting vs Gospel Parenting on Facebook" or "Tweeted the post on 10 Reasons Allendale is Better Than Where You Live."
Be sure I have your name/and or contact info. If I don't have it, you can email it to me. If I don't have this, you can't win.

It's that simple. Just vote, share, and comment. Each week that you do this over the next three gives you once entry to the final drawing.

Let me know if you have any questions.

Let the games begin!

What Is a Leader?

2011-09-04T03:03:00.015-04:00

The other day, I asked my older 2 kids (separately), “What makes someone a leader?”

I was very happy with their answer, which was almost exactly the same wording, “Helping others.”

Leadership is about making other people's lives better, and making them better, too.

There are other definitions of leaders, but these two guys echo the same idea:

Jon Acuff: "Leaders ask: 'What can I give to this person?'"
Jonathan Pearson: Leaders show vision, self-control, and loyalty.

How would you define a leader?

A Different Way

Favorite Tweets for February

A Letter to Our Supporters

Focus Your Kids on Worship

Medieval Times

Communication and Ministry

In Honor of Presidents' Day

Sender-isms

Explaining Forever to Children

If I Didn't Have You

Is the Bible Just a Roadmap for Life?

Signs of Autism

What's the Hardest Part about Being a Parent?

Take a Rest

Favorite Tweets for January

Sender the Entertainer

Elijah Is Thriving

Links to Gender Issues

Hannah the Nurturer

4-Wheelin'

Summary: Education Options for Your Child

A Dream for My Kids

God Still Speaks

Total Hannah Makeover

Lazy Parenting

Family Goals for 2012

Toothless

Do You Give Your Kids an Allowance?

Favorite Tweets for December

Top Posts of 2011: How Do We Know That God Is Real? (#2)

Top Posts of 2011: Basic Problems in Allendale (#3)

Top Posts of 2011: Children and Church (#5)

"How Old Are You?"

They Like Me!

An American Girl Hanukkah

Christmas: Head to Heart to Action

Sarcastic Parenting

Birthday, Anniversary, and Mentor Weekend

"You Smell Like Beef and Cheese! You Don't Smell Like Santa."

The Social Media Habit

Is My Slow-to-Respond Child Being Disobedient?

6 Posts (and 1 Song) to Help You Get Ready for Christmas

Favorite Tweets for November

4 Effective Consequences for Disciplining a Young Child

Happy Thanksgiving

Science and Family

Losing Privileges Can Hit You Like a Ton of Bricks

Things to Think About and Do for Thanksgiving

A Zoo Buddy

My Son Called Me Out

Sender's Thanksgiving

KidMin Articles and Radio Show

Bible Islands

Boys to Men

Two Videos for Practical Applicaiton

Favorite Tweets for October

Being Meek and a Peacemaker

Future Women

StandOut Results

South Carolina State Fair

Orangeburg County Fair

I'm a Winner!

Flashback: We Took a Hike

Halloween Thoughts

Science Videos

Is My Son Ready for Baptism?

New Plan for the Blog

Teaching My Kids About Yom Kippur

MC Escher in Lego

The Craziest Girl I Knew

Disaster Relief

Saturday Round-Up (October 1)

Favorite Tweets for September

7 Differences Between Galilee and Judea

Follow the Rabbit Trail: Planes, Baptizing, Following

Favorite Blog Post Winner

Our Dancing Sender

Hannah's Birthday

Saturday Round-Up (September 24)

Vote, Share, and Comment: Last Week